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So, why do we sometimes end up in a bottomless pit of sexual frustration yet not try solve it and go sometimes weeks without having sex?
I don't think anyone truly knows their answer, I don't. I can say it is down to having kids, not enough support around the house, being tired, hiding the truth of what I enjoy for 10 years, but there is no answer for why I didn't take charge!
Why don't we take charge in the bedroom when sex is lacking and slow? Is it through fear of rejection, or making a fool of ourselves?
Women are not always naturally dominant, so sometimes us trying for sex can be as subtle as stroking his chest and giving him the come hither eyes, which does not always work because men sometimes just think we are cuddling.
So how can you get your sex life back? Ask yourself why is it always expected for the man to initiate things? Especially when often us as women get annoyed and push them away?
There is so much you can try in the bedroom to spice things up, simple small things, to bigger things once you are more comfortable.
Start with a blindfold, either for you to wear or your partner, practice, tell him you want him to tell you to keep your hands up, not to touch him, or something similar.
Don't just throw rope at him, and ask him to tie your hands above your head so you can't move them.
Take time, far too often we rush, we have two seconds of foreplay move onto sex, quick fumble and done.
Don't go fast, tease, slowly, kissing, touching and exploring, remember those first months of dating when you would sometimes lay there for hours just with foreplay? Try it again.
Take it in turns, he teases you with the blindfold you then in turn tease him while he wears it.
Watch each other! This is hard for most people, but watch each other play, if you can have sex with him, let him watch you give birth, take that step to let him watch you play with yourself.
Most men love it, seeing their partner play, moaning, it can be a massive turn on!
So, let's write it like a story, like I do with my books, your sex life is dying, one of you isn't into it as much anymore, why? More than likely because sex has become boring, the same thing on repeat. So, here is Jackson and Alena, they have had this issue, this is what they do to sort it.
Alena stands looking at herself in the mirror, her mum pajamas, covering just about all of her body, leaving nothing left sexually to imagine.
Taking it off, she slips into something simple. A fancy bra, thong set, no she does not go crazy and wear a corset, not yet.
She walks into the bedroom, Jacksons eyes quickly averting from what he was looking at to her in amazement, as he finally for the first time in ages sees his wife walking in her underwear and not to quickly get changed and be hidden again.
She walks to the bed, slowly crawling along it, until she is straddling him, her hand slipping the blindfold over his eyes, her lips kissing his.
"What are you doing?" He looks at her confused, she gently kisses him again.
"Playing with you, and afterwards, you can with me" He doesn't reply, just makes a mmm sound, as her lips travel down to his neck, gently kissing him, moving to his collar bone.
Alena goes slow, each kiss gentle, purposely teasing him as she reaches his shaft, but instead of rushing like she normally would, she teases.
Her mouth kissing it, gently licking over the tip, and kissing back up, her hands stroking his cock gently, then stopping, as she again begins to kiss up his chest again.
She can tell his breathing hitches, slowly straddling him again, she grasps his arms, pinning them above his head, gently biting his neck.
"Keep them there." She begins grinding on his cock, still wearing her underwear to tease him, as she once again begins kissing down his body and exploring him. Reaching his shaft she once again teases, slowly kissing and gently licking the tip.
Before slowly sucking his shaft further into her mouth, her tongue swirling around it, as her hand cups his balls playing with them. She keeps teasing, getting him close to the edge, but stopping before he comes.
After 15 minutes, she kisses back up his body, slides the blindfold off, and hands him it.
"Your turn." She moves lying next to him, and he puts the blindfold on, and teases her, just as she did him.
Notice something? Neither of them took without giving, if you do all that to him, and he does not repay the favour and just tries doing straight for sex, refuse, explain why.
Tell him you did this to make sex better, don't tell him sex is bad, but you want to try new things.
But guaranteed, any real man will not take and not give in return before moving onto sex.
You can after trying this simple thing, add more toys into it, but always play safe, make sure if you are doing something where you are blindfolded, and tied down you have that one safe word.
Because often women laugh and say no, but then as well, often women nervous or scared will laugh and say no, and it is not always easy to understand the difference.
So a safe word is your friend!
The most important thing though, is talk! Tell your partner how you feel, tell him you want to spice sex up, explain it is not his fault, but both of yours for giving up on that side of your life.
Life gets in the way and we forget those first months of not wanting to stop touching each other, explain you want those months back, and not just tonight but every night.