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It is a fact that people still see sex as a big taboo subject; people are too afraid to talk about it without feeling judged or laughed at, because it is seen as being too forward.
Ladies: Can you, and would you, ask your new partner how he likes oral, his favourite position, and his turn-offs?
Men: Would you, and can you, ask a new partner about how she likes oral, her favourite position, and her turn-offs?
It is a known fact that most people do not ask their partners these questions. Instead, they make it an aim to find out, but why?
Yes getting to know your partner's likes and dislikes are a good thing but do you really want to risk doing something a way they dislike, and them being too afraid to tell you they hate it?
Too many women as it is, do not orgasm from sex, they struggle to orgasm as it is, so why keep trying to learn, and not ask her what works?
I was one of those people; I didn't talk about sex with my partner. We have been together for 13 years! The crazy thing is, until the last two or three years he had no idea what I liked!
Now, this is not his fault, he tried to learn, but somethings you just don't think to try. Sometimes talking is the only way and the fastest way.
Imagining walking into McDonalds and them saying no don't tell me, let me guess. How long will you be standing there, being handed food until they get it right and give you what you want?
A while right! So why do we do it with sex? Why don't we talk about it? Well, because society has a way of telling us that if we do talk about it, we are sluts, slags, whores, desperate, and a range of other things.
Let's be honest, when dating, you speak to people, of course for a while you do not talk about sex, some do, but most don't. Yet as the relationship grows you still don't talk about sex before you meet.
Sex for most, is a big part of a relationship, and while the world disgustingly looks at you for discussing your sexual likes with men, you are thinking of dating, you should still do it!
So, here is a story I came across that is similar to mine; this woman had been shamed after she told friends she was dating, and was open about her sexuality, and sexual likes. So she stopped, she didn't discuss this stuff with any man she spoke to.
Now, she settled down with a partner had a child, and two years later finally told her partner that she has previously had sex with two men at a time, and wants to continue this.
Now to him, he was shocked, slightly disgusted, and refused. He didn't agree with sharing partners. Rather than walk away, she stayed. However, two years later, she resented him for stopping her from having that, and guess what happened next?
They split up, sometimes love is not enough! Of course over time your likes and wants change, but to get into a relationship with hidden secrets regarding sex isn't good.
I know, I remember that day when I told my partner about my past, his shock, his disgust in some ways, and the words, "I don't even know you," that came out of his mouth.
Sex shouldn't be taboo; we should be free to discuss what we like sexually, and what we have done sexually with those who plan to date, or are dating, because you have no idea just how they will feel knowing that.
Now, I am not saying go straight in there, in the first message listing all your sexual partners, preferences, and hates!
Slowly, over time, discuss what each of you likes and enjoys, things you have tried that they should know, threesomes, being a submissive, bondage etc.
If you are both having a conversation, and talking about each other's likes, then you know beforehand what that person is into, and if you are willing to accept that or not.
We waste a lot of time in our lives with the wrong people; we get into relationships with people we are not compatible with, and often miss the opportunity for true happiness. The worst thing that can happen in a relationship as I learned, is finding out your partners sexual past and realising you didn't know who they were, or are; realising that they have been missing out on something they enjoy, because you had no idea.
So, do you talk about this stuff when dating? Or do you wait until you're in a stable relationship?