Sex Addiction, Maybe

Sex addiction.

You think Tiger Woods, divorce, cheating, sexting, naked selfies, inappropriate emails, porn, etc. But, is that really what sex addiction is all about?

From my research, I've concluded that sex addiction is just like any other addiction — the constant search for the next high. Much like drug or alcohol addiction, sex addiction happens to trigger something in the brain that leaves you craving more and more sex without reviewing the long list of potential consequences first. This leads to bad decision-making time after time.

My interest in sex addiction stems from my own curiosity after having numerous sexual encounters that never seemed to lead to anything lasting or of substance. I began to wonder if I, myself, was a sex addict? Could it be possible? There was no doubt I experienced a high in being with someone new, a sexual experience was the best way to get as close as possible to someone, right? Intimacy and sex were intertwined for me. Maybe, that still holds true.

I was thrown back into the dating pool after I kicked a six-year long relationship to the curb. I decided I needed to figure out what it was I wanted and what I needed but also who I was. Ideally, I was searching for a healthy relationship but all I was really getting was a lot of hookups — many times on the first date. Oops.

With dating apps like Tinder and Bumble reaching popularity comparable to the likes of Candy Crush and just as addicting, I found a new playground of sorts.

If you've never been exposed to the world of online dating, let me save you some trouble and break it down. Essentially, you are swiping left or right. If he is attractive or has an interesting bio, you swipe right. Does he gross you out? Swipe left. Then, the best part comes, "the matches." This is where the dopamine high kicks in. When you match with someone you find unbelievably attractive, it's off to the races.

Typically, I'll set up a date with a match pretty quickly. Within a few days to a week, we're having a craft beer at a brewery laughing or at some swanky restaurant sipping cocktails or even shooting hoops at the local park. Romantic, eh? Not really. Basically, what comes next is a lot of making out, then groping and then the, "Hey, we should go back to my place" line. Joy. And, that has been the pattern. Hookups on hookups on hookups. I've only ever had a single one night stand. Most matches become repeat hookups, for a while at least.

It seems like once the exciting part of sex has passed, I lose interest. Intimacy is like a prize that has to be won for me. I hate to lose and men are eager to score. Sad but true.

The sex is the fun part, the crescendo if you will. It's a challenge or a game of cat and mouse for me, unfortunately. Most of the men I've met through these dating apps were definitely not the one for me but many were gorgeous, successful and good in bed (lucky me).

Did I form some type of relationship with these men? Yes, but none that left me wanting to build a picket white fence and a life with them.

Maybe I'm not a sex addict at all, maybe I just haven't found Mr. Right just yet. Or, maybe I am going about this the wrong way. Sex first, get to know the person better later. In reality, I should probably be getting to know them better first and then having sex with them.

But here's the issue. I love sex. And, in my experience, most men do too. In 2018, sex on the first date isn't exactly unheard of, or rare. Is it the right way to go about dating? In my experience, probably not.

Instant gratification is addicting. Being wanted is addicting. The chase is addicting. The foreplay is addicting. Sex is empowering for me.

But am I a sex addict? I guess that's up to you to decide.