Porn Star Problems

You thought porn was glamorous, you thought wrong…

I LOVE to complain. Anyone that knows me in the real world, will know it is my biggest talent. Next to all my trophies, I should have an award for most miserable bitch. You can also follow my complaints via Snapchat and Twitter, should you so wish. That being said, there is not one girl in this industry that doesn’t LOVE good moan (unless they consistently take happy pills and their face is so altered by botox that they are permanently fake smiling) because porn is fucking hard, and I don’t think us girls get enough credit for what we do. So here is a big old list of Porn Star Problems. For everyone that thinks our lives are all first class flights and champagne on set….

- When your anal scene is the last scene of the day and you haven’t eaten, but you get to watch every other human on set scoff down catering. Then eventually, at 1am, with your make up running and cum on your tits, you shovel in some cold dinner remains before you sleep…. mmmm metabolism ruined.

- When you’re shooting abroad and the company are too tight to pay for an extra night in a hotel so they put you on the cheap 6am flight, which means you have to be at the airport at 4am, which means leaving the house at 3am and getting up at 2.30am…. then getting off a cramped Ryanair flight (Porn flies with budget airlines, you guys keep stealing all the movies for free, so we don’t get to fly Virgin) head straight to set and shoot ALL day. There will probably be some off hand comments made about how tired you look also.

- When religious crusaders harass you via the internet because you’re definitely going to hell for all the bad life choices you’ve made and selling your body on screen, but little do they know, you secured your place in hell long before you began shooting porn… so…. more fool them.

- When you don’t really have a home because you live out of a suitcase and you can’t remember the last time you actually unpacked and put things away, and how many scenes in a row can you wear that same lingerie set for before you need to wash it/throw it away.

- Cleaning for anal. Prepping for anal. Dicks that are way too big for anal. Just anal. All the anal. (And I actually like anal)


- The fake twitter/instagram/facebook profile of you, that you can’t get deleted because you need an ID to prove you are really that person but obviously that’s not your real name, because no one is actually called Skin Diamond or Joanna Angel.

- The fake twitter/instagram/facebook profiles that you can’t deleted without ID, that then end up having more followers than your real account and tweeting/retweeting every single photo or video of you EVER, particularly anything very explicit or incredibly unflattering.

- Directors with no soul that don’t care how tired, cold or hungry you are after 18 hours on set shooting just the comedy, we must now shoot a double anal scene and it better be fucking amazing!

- When your call sheet says ‘bring a selection of clothing…’ what the fuck does that mean? Do you even know what you’re shooting? Because I sure as hell don’t..

- When you turn up with your ‘selection of clothing’ and it’s wrong… ‘Do you have a white dress with blue shoes?’ … ‘No… that wasn’t on my call sheet’ … cue the whole crew looking at each other like you’ve just ruined their day and they wish you’d go home.

- When your call sheet says ‘natural nails’ and you’ve just spent three hours and $100 getting your hands and feet looking perfect in a completely non natural colour.

- That mid 20’s Pornstar anxiety of when you will finally be cast as a MILF.

- When you have to shoot girl/girl with a chick that isn’t into girls and looks at your pussy like it’s the most disgusting thing she’s ever seen and won’t kiss you back, and you had such high hopes for the scene and visions of AVN nominations but now it’s all gone to shit. 

- When the company you are shooting for dress you in outfits either too big or too small and you look hideous and about as sexual as a bowl of jelly and they can’t understand why you aren’t smiling.

- When the company you’re shooting for, dress you in hideous early 90’s eastern european outfits accompanied by make up SO thick, you could lay it on with a shovel, and you look in the mirror and wonder a) how these people make any money from this kind of shit and b) how you’re supposed to be convincingly sexy when you feel like a frumpy mum.

- When you’re on your period and you know you’re working with a dude with a monster cock and dreading trying to get your sponge out of there after the scene.

- When you re-watch a scene you thought was amazing and realise you look like an utter shitshow and you question why anyone ever books you and whether you should just throw in the towel and retire right then and there.

- When you shoot every single day for years and every single bad haircut, slight weight gain and bad skin day is forever documented on film, for the entire world to see.

When you’re having sex in your private life and 20 minutes in you realise theres no camera there and you can stop pretending and start actually enjoying yourself.

- When people recognise your tits, ass or pussy before they would ever recognise your face.

- When the male talent has every single excuse under the sun for why he can’t get hard and it’s been 4 hours and you are trying as hard as you can to blow his head up with your mind.

- When you’re friends with girls in the industry that book a job you want and you have to keep your cool and be happy for them even though inside you kind of hate them and don’t understand why they got the job instead of you.

- When you’re friends with girls in the industry that are about 100 times hotter than you and looking at them makes you reconsider every life choice you’ve ever made.

- When award season roles around and you see undeserving people win or get nominated but you can’t be an ungrateful bitch so you grit your teeth and smile and then go home and have a nervous breakdown in your bedroom.

- When the location is so dirty you just have to look at it and get a yeast infection.

- When your call sheet says 7am and you don’t start shooting till midnight, after your make up has melted off your face and you’ve given up hope of ever finishing in time to catch the last train.

All my bitching and moaning aside, I love the porn industry, it’s the most honest industry in the world. Let’s face it, in every industry people fuck each other, at least we are open about it! The last ten years of my life have been a rollercoaster of ludicrous highs (Awards, features, travel) and horrible lows (STDs, illness, losing friendships) but don’t ever get it twisted, I wouldn’t change a minute of it.

A huge thank you to Misha Cross and Jasmine Jae for making me cry with laughter as I write this and giving me your input via voicenote and Whatsapp messages. 

Samantha Bentley
Samantha Bentley

Music Maker, Writer & Yogi. Proud Vegan/Animal Lover. Award winning Ex-Adult Actress. Penthouse Pet Aug 2015. Briefly in Game Of Thrones. Socially awkward, sexually devious, typically English.

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Porn Star Problems