Filthy is powered by Vocal creators. You support Hayley Quinn by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Filthy is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

Perfect Text To Send Your Ex

The perfect text to send you ex is no message at all...

Girl … if you’re asking this question we need to get you back on the right track.

I understand how hard break ups can be, particularly that painful first six to eight weeks when your life has been turned upside down and you’re dealing with the grief over someone who has disappeared from your life. It can be natural to try and fill the space he left by stalking him via social media hatching plans to get him back.

It's natural, but definitely not the wisest plan of action!

If you’re reading this now, there was probably a guy you really liked and you may still be struggling to come to terms with how suddenly things seem to have fallen apart. You may be blaming yourself, or just feel utterly confused by his decision to end things. This questioning and these feelings are valid, but they’re not helping you. My aim is to get you out of the ‘how do I get him back?’ part of the process and redirect your attention toward ‘how do I get my energy focused on me?’. 

Right now your time and your energy must be spent on healing yourself through this difficult time. You do not need to think of the ‘right’ message to send him – embrace some anger and disappointment, then use that to give you some momentum forwards.

Do Whatever You Can to Create Distance

Anything that keeps you tied to the past right now is harmful. So do whatever you can to create distance. This means removing him on Facebook, and other forms of social media. It also means deleting his number and avoiding places (whenever possible) that remind you of him. Spending energy on carrying on a relationship after it’s died is fruitless, you need to change course and create new opportunities for yourself.

It likely feels right now that he's the only guy you’ll ever to be really into; but deep down you know that isn’t true. A good start might be to take a time out from dating to let yourself heal – for the time being the new guys you date may not compare to your ex and you'll leave a date feeling worse off, disheartened. Instead, try making some bold decisions in other areas of your life. This could be a perfect opportunity for a career change, to take up a new hobby, or travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit.

Clean Break

In this window of time where you're at your most vulnerable, you need these new points of focus to incorporate other sources of value and fulfillment into your life. It can be a daunting process, but rest assured that within 6-12 weeks after making a clean break from your past you should start feeling re-focused enough to meet new people. Then, when you meet your new guy (and you will meet him, there are a lot of people out there!), you’ll be grateful that things didn’t work out with your ex. 

Make a point to keep at the forefront of your mind that right now you’re doing the ‘hard time’ and processing some truly difficult feelings but–and this is key– that this is only a temporary state. If you can avoid re-living the relationship via social media stalking and hold back from trying to prepare the ‘right’ text message to win him back, the feelings will eventually pass and you'll be better off for it.

Before you know it you’ll be in a totally new reality and grateful that you never hit send. 

Meet more men - find out how by getting Hayley's Free Cheat Sheet on meeting him In Real Life at

Now Reading
Perfect Text To Send Your Ex
Read Next
Interview with Model and Actress Alissa Bourne