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Optimizing Your Orgasms

How I went from "sometimes" to "anytime," and you can too.


The female orgasm is often regarded as elusive and complex, but it's surprisingly simple. If you've struggled to have consistent orgasms, all you need is a bit of willpower (and a willing partner).

1. Masturbation Brings Knowledge

When in bed with a partner, the first thing that they (should) ask is "what do you like/want." They want to learn how to bring you pleasure. This can be awkward for many women at first, because usually, she's unfamiliar with herself. Masturbation helps you learn your body. If you want to orgasm consistently, you must know what your body craves, and be confident in your ability to guide your partner to your pleasure.

Dedicate a solid hour to your masturbation; sit back, relax, and simply explore. Your one goal is to bring yourself to orgasm, be it with a toy, your hand, to porn or erotica, whatever means necessary. Once you've achieved an orgasm (or two) go for another, but this time, concentrate on what builds your orgasm: What are you focusing on? Is it more physical, like a particular stroke or pressure that you apply to yourself? Is it more mental, like an aggressive/loving exchange of words, the sound of moaning, or the beauty of certain positions? Figuring out how your body ticks can take from an hour to weeks, but the pace doesn't matter, the result does; This is the environment your body craves for orgasm, and our goal is to bring this space into the bedroom. At the end, you should have knowledge of not only how you orgasm, but why you do, and that knowledge is very powerful.

2. Practicing with your Partner

Now that you know how to bring yourself to orgasm, it's time to give your partner a crash course. There are a few ways to do this depending on if you are more physical or mental when it comes to orgasm. If you are more on the physical side, show your partner exactly how you like to be touched. Let him watch you bring yourself to orgasm, then, have him replicate the action. Guide your partner through the motions thoroughly, and communicate as needed. If you are more on the mental side, share the things you masturbate to and invite them to join (why not ask to see what they like as well!) Afterwards, discuss ways to incorporate these methods into the bedroom; if you can get into that space, you can orgasm. If what you need is physical, perhaps your partner can apply the sensations you like while you pleasure them the same? If mental, try roleplay, or verbally simulating the fantasies you enjoy. I often fantasize steamy things during oral, and this alone can bring me to completion. The mind is a powerful thing!

3. Communication and Optimization

The final step is perhaps the easiest and hardest all in one. However, the hard part isn't speaking, it's asking the right questions and applying the answers consistently. We communicate with our partner to get what we need efficiently; this is how we optimize your orgasm. After a session (preferably while cuddling), you and your partner should assess what happened; First, did you orgasm? If so, great! You can practically skip to the last question in bold. If not, we have a lot to ask:

Where was our focus? Was it the same as when you were by yourself? Were you comfortable enough to focus? Did you do what you know brings you to orgasm from your exploration? We must also consider your partner. Were they consistent in what you needed from them? Did they rush? What can you both do to bring one another more pleasure?

At the end of this, we need at least one question answered: how and what do we improve?

And that is an answer you will have to work out in your bedroom. If time is the issue, plan ahead. If consistency is the issue, practice, masturbate and persistence. Regardless, with knowledge of your body and applying that knowledge efficiently in bed with an open partner, you will have optimized your orgasm in no time, any time.

Read next: The Stranger
Lady Luck
Lady Luck

I'm a woman of selective tastes and extraordinary experience. Sexuality, and morality are among my guiltiest pleasures.

Pour yourself a drink, and indulge in my experience.

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Optimizing Your Orgasms
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