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I've been out of the Dom/Sub game for about two years now. However, earlier this year, upon the start of a new job, I found him. A Dom. And he's a new breed from anything I've had before. It didn't start off as a flat out arrangement—we'd just started messaging back and forth, learning about the other, their past, their humor. Per usual, alcohol can play a big factor in (usually) regrettable decisions and actions—but both of us would say that this led to a great arrangement between us, and we couldn't be happier.
As amazing as things have been, we've also had issues. I have to learn his limits, his past, his rules, and he has to learn mine. He's a different breed of beast than anything I've had before, with his morals, mindset, rules, and thought processes. My previous Doms had been encouraging of me sleeping with other men for their pleasure, physically teasing them, having a threesome or orgy. That, however, was not the case with this man. I'd sent him pictures and asked if he'd approved of a man that had been flirting with me before I'd begin to reciprocate the action. I wanted him to enjoy the show, too. The reaction received though was quite the opposite of what I was expecting.
Rage. Possessiveness. A tinge of sadness. He'd demanded I'd leave the bar immediately, so that we could further discuss our boundaries, limits, and rules—and for my punishment of thinking that was okay. When I got to our location, he asked which I wanted first—my punishment or our discussion. Not knowing what punishment I would incur, punishment was the choice. My Dom proceeded to wrap his hand around my neck, whisper "You are mine. ONLY mine. Do not ever fucking forget again," bit the insides of my thigh to ensure I'd have his mark, bend me over, and spank me with his belt eight times. Aftercare then began, and we talked about what would and wouldn't be allowed from both sides, as well as what would be expected.
For anyone in the world of BDSM, you know that there's a vague outline of what's expected in terms of behavior, rules, desires, etc. But that doesn't go to say everyone will mirror exactly across every pair and agreement. We had challenges and learning to do, growing, exploring, and things to work out. I knew it would be challenging having a Dom as different as he is, but I didn't think it would be as difficult as it is. He's absolutely caring, adores me, gets positively possessive around other men, respectful, and expects me to treat myself with respect and care. I've struggled with taking care of, respecting, loving, and accepting myself. And that got on his nerves quickly.
When he began to see any harmful or destructive behavior, such as being okay with being treated like a toy and object, he threatened punishment. He would not have a Sub that didn't love and take care of herself, determined that he would help me be better emotionally, mentally, and create the best self I could possibly be. It can be difficult adapting to new rules and a new Dom, but I know he's having the same issues as I am. But we both know that we are one of the best things that have happened to each other.