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My Crazy Not Romantic Craig’s List Love 2

Part 2

By Fuck OffPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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I reread all 615 emails. Staying longer on the emails where he sent his photo. He’s so beautiful. His eyes are deep pools of sorrow. I want to drink in his darkness. But I’m on a mission. Looking for something. Anything where I can yell, ahuh. I knew it. I can leave you now. The obsession can finally end. Haha. My sanity has left the building. I click the email app closed...

I’m suddenly throwing myself into my online persona. What mischief can Odizus find? Comments from admirers. Young lovers petitioning for my embrace. Promises of debauchery. I scroll past it all. I’m bored with this game. There’s nothing here that can satiate this hunger. I reach into my medicine bag... my herb is looking scarce. Have I let myself run out because all I can think is, What is John doing? F-f-f-f! Refill request sent. The wait is long and my patience is running on empty. I scream into my pillow for the madness to end. There’s only one thing left to do.

I post an Craig’s List ad “BBW seeks 420 friend.” I find my friend. I partake in the medicinal haze of enjoyment, if only for a fraction of this perfect moment. A story is born from my new 420 friend but that’s for another time. Here in this moment. Even now, there is still only John on my brain. Does he want me as much as I think I want him. The obsession is real.

Radio silence between us increases. Minute by minute. The clock is ticking loudly from inside my chest. Badump. Badump. It sounds like an anxious heart, breaking from insecurity and uncertainty. And still, no emails. I go back to my online admirers. I posted the story of my 420 friend to my profile. A man with no face tells me that he enjoyed my story and could never do that to such a lovely creature. He lives 10 states away. I don’t ask for his name because the only name that matters now is John. Instead, this stranger says he needs an obedient girl and I am to call him Sir. What do I have to lose?

Sir is very demanding. He wants me to send him many videos of me doing various requests. He tries very hard to humiliate me. I don’t tell him that words can’t touch me. I act like a good sub and thank Sir for his cruel words. When I’m too slow on a request, he demands punishment. Yes. I lick a dirty toilet. Even the crazy part of my brain is asking why I am doing this... isn’t it obvious, you dumb cow. John. John. John. Sir says I was a good girl. I’ve grown tired of this game. I thank him for this day of entertainment and tell him that if he really wants to tame me, I’ll need in person instruction. We both know this a deal breaker and we part our ways.

I open my email... last reply received 15 hours ago... but on top of his email are five from me, still waiting for a response. 1. How’s your day. Are you bored again? Send. 2. Here’s a video... Sir wanted me to crawl on the floor. What do you think? Send. 3. Here’s another video... Send. 4. I’m thinking about you. Send.

The final email. I intend it to be the final email. I’m so mad... I just start typing every thought in my head. Maybe I’m tired of waiting for something. You never contribute. It’s always me. My pictures. My videos. My stories. My emails. You don’t have time for me. Good bye. Send.

John immediately replies. Stop saying good bye. Do you think I’ll give up that easily? Mic drop. I tell him I still mad and send him the middle finger emoji times 3. He tells me where he wants my fingers. He tells me that he’s in a town with bad cell service and he can’t check his mail often. He tells me to be patient. That his birthday is soon and being with me is his birthday gift. He convinces me to stay because he wants me. I cave because this obsession has turned into addiction and I just got my free sample. I stare at his email for longer than I should. Another reply pops up. He asks why I want him so much. I remember that in my moment of angry emails I had confessed that the more he ignores me, the more I have to have him and that I have to leave before I lose my myself. I forget this confession because it was so honest, so raw. He did not. He wants an answer.

The inspiration takes me and I type out four long paragraphs. 1. I explain my past relationships and why vanilla will never satisfy me. 2. I tell him that I know he’s like me. And we can be our dark selves around each other. 3. I tell him that I want to do whatever he asks of me because there’s something about him I need, if only for this fleeting moment. Carpe Diem. Dive in with me in and live this moment. Or don’t. 4. I tell him that I go through people but he won’t let me go through him. He won’t let me quit him. Send. He tells me, Interesting very interesting. I never met anyone like you, so you interest me in so many ways... his words affect me for the next several hours. I have a weird dream... but John wasn’t in it.

I send my dream details to John. He tells me not to shave my pubic hair. What? It was a weird dream... small chat ensues. Mind you, he’s three hours away in a small town for the next three weeks, with bad cell service. And we know that so far, I have been with other men. He tells me that he thinks he found a local girl to assist with his Blue Balls. A million thoughts immediately enter my brain. I hate him. I hate her. Wait. I love him. Maybe she’s ugly. Maybe she’s dumb. Maybe she just isn’t me. I tell him that I hope it works out for him. Smiley face. Send. More small talk. I ask him if she is willing to do this or that for him. He says no. Good answer. I’m not mad anymore. I encourage him to feed that hunger, knowing that only I could ever satiate his darkness. That’s all that really matters. He belongs to me. What do I care what he uses his body for? His mind belongs to me.

I’m still only human. So I ask if he emails her frequently. I also ask if he thinks we email too much? Of course he skips question one with a response implying that I would have told him to stop emailing if it was too much. He thinks I’m wearing the pants? Interesting. I remind him that I hold no power as the lowly Sub, Sir. Send. He encourages me to keep the messages coming...

And now, here we are, present moment to this tale. Where it will go from here depends on how long our combined patience can hold out. Maybe he will fall in love with that local girl and forget all about some crazy Craig’s List fanatic he spent a few days emailing back in 2018.

Or maybe, this crazy girl (me) found her crazy guy and they can be crazy together. You will know when I know. But for now though...

To be continued...

Odizus

roleplay
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Fuck Off

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