"Mom, What's Anal Sex?"

"Mom, What's anal sex?" my 13 year old daughter casually asked me while I was preparing dinner. I froze........ I turned beet red.......I took a deep breath while buying time and organizing my thoughts......

This situation is pretty typical between us. My daughter is in 7th grade and just started sexual education in her public school. Everyday she has a new bit of information to share and or verify with me about the adult world. Even before sex ed classes though, we have been keeping an open dialogue about all of the taboo topics, such as sex, that are typically just not discussed between children and their parents. For example, when she was little, I painstakingly taught her the proper words for all of the body parts, including some of their nicknames. "You have a vagina, and sometimes it is called a pussy. Men have penises and sometimes we call them dicks.... (hehehe... mom joke)." When she was 10 and we drove past and "Adam and Eve" store and I told her that was where adults went to buy products to encourage their intimate life. I had to go back over how babies are made and how Adam and Eve are symbols of the original mother and father and they had to have sex to produce children. After that she would say "Adam and Eve-ing" and giggle. Okay, okay, but seriously, it's of vital importance that we break down adult life to our children in easy to digest bits of clarified data. Back to the story.

While I was taking a deep breath, she says... "I know what vagInal sex is and oral sex but how do you do anal sex?" I think the clarification of the question made me a little more uncomfortable. I mean.... her sweet little angel face, talking these adult words that, as a parent, I never want her to experience.... although, I know she will.... But first, what's with the long I in vaginal?

"You mean vaginal sex? We don't call it vagInal sex.... it is a vagIna but it sounds more like Virginia when used to describe the type of sex. The English language is just as confusing as it's societal rules." I smirked, another mom joke :). She gets it but admits that it is very confusing. After our little laugh I dive right into the original question.

"Well, anal sex is when a man puts his penis into the butt hole instead of the vaginal hole." I wonder if she can see me sweating? Slow deep breaths, don't freak out.... that is exactly what IT is..... make it sound clear, concise, and everyday, like we are just talking about our favorite breakfast cereal.

"Yeah, that's what my teacher said. I just don't see how they do that." She shakes her head in mild confusion and wonderment.

"Both men and women have anal sex, it is their individual choice. Everyone enjoys different things with their partners." It's a weird place of trying to give the truth as plain as printer paper without making it too exciting or terrifying. I certainly don't want her hung up on anal sex but I want her to understand what it is and that it can be for anyone, not just one type of person or group of people.

"Huh." She breathes out quickly, shaking her head in bewilderment yet with firm satisfaction. She smiles quickly and does the little pouty lip and nods her head in affirmation.... I make the same face and nod back to her. We both smile and she hugs me. "What's for dinner?" She asks.

Mission accomplished.