Mistakes Men Make in Bed

Sex, love, and men are the major subjects of modern girl talk, but that doesn’t mean she’s singing your praises left and right. When girls get together to talk about such topics, much of what they say is negative. Women go to their friends with tales of the mistakes men make in bed in hopes of finding advice on how to prevent these mistakes in the future. More often than not, they find friends that can relate, but no solution to their problem. We have interviewed women from all walks of life and gathered their accounts of the most common mistakes men make in bed. So if you want your partner to be the only one amongst her friends who has nothing to say except, "He’s fantastic in bed," read carefully and be the man who’s willing to put in effort to make that difference.

Birth Control Blues

For centuries, women have complained about how unfair it is that it takes two to tango, but only one has to pay the piper. So when the Pill liberated all those lusty "Cosmo girls" from the fear of pregnancy, lots of men figured they were home free. That pisses a lot of women off. "Most men I’ve slept with are so hot to get into my pants, they don’t seem to care if it’s safe or not," gripes Heather, a stunning brunette bodybuilder with a figure most men would kill for. "That makes me feel like I’m just another lay to these guys," she complains. How much more liberating, how much more mature, how much more sensuous when a man inquires in a sensitive way if his date is or isn’t protected.

In his bestselling book How To Make Love To A Woman, Michael Morgenstern suggests using a condom and asking her to do the honors. "Having her gently unroll the rubber casing along the length of your erect penis can be sexually exciting for both of you," he contends. (Morgenstern adds one caution: Don't keep a handy supply of rubbers at bedside, lest your date think she’s on some sort of sexual assembly line.)

Five-Minute Foreplay

Even the most attentive men might be surprised to learn that a man’s idea of foreplay and a woman’s are vastly different. For one thing: quantity. Women want a whole lot more of it.

Studies show that 48 percent of women believe that foreplay should last up to half an hour and a large number, 36 percent, believe should last at least 15 minutes. Some prefer it much, much longer, as this young woman from Nebraska explained: "A lot of the men I meet are into marathon screwing. They think the longer they can do it, the better they are, and the better I like them. They're so wrong. I like them when they're into marathon foreplay. When it comes to intercourse, 20 good strokes is plenty! But give me up to an hour of foreplay, at least." So that’s the first beef about foreplay: Shorter is definitely not sweeter. The other complaint has to do with quality, and the more into sex your woman is, the more discerning she will be. Take the remarks of Melissa, a former HS covergirl, to heart: "Men should cover a woman with gentle touches. I love to be petted and tenderly fondled."

McFucking

Barreling through sex is like eating fast food: Quick, but afterward, you don’t remember having had anything. You feel like you’ve been cheated—and women loathe it. "I hate wham-bam-thank-you, ma'am," says Linda Blair, the tarty actress of all those B-movies. "I like it languid. Kisses down your neck and all over your body. Like the song says, 'I want a lover with a slow hand.' That’s the way I like it." To rush her is to frustrate her, because women usually need more time to get off. So quit making love like a stopwatch is attached to your penis, and consciously try to slow down, take it easy, savor the juiciness of it all.

The Breast Bullies

Men love breasts. And why not? Sucking, fondling, rubbing, and otherwise worshiping the female breast is a national pastime that rivals football. So how come so many self-proclaimed breast connoisseurs don’t know the first thing about proper tit play? A former Playboy model, Azizi J., once said, "I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve said, 'These are not breakfast; They are not fruit.' Men should know how to touch and where to touch." Good breast work is an art and should be done with finesse. Move in stages: Too much, too soon can hurt or annoy. Start with a gentle caress, just fluttering your fingertips across the nipple. Build up to a slow, circular massage, then kiss and gently suck the nipple erect. Stroke the breast with feeling, increasing the firmness as she gets hot. If you use your teeth, do so lightly. Don’t make the common error of equating breast size with sensitivity. Even the smallest breasts are capable of some very powerful arousal.

The Cunnilingus Cop-Out

Pussy eating is what separates the men from the boys. So many claim to partake, so few realize that cunnilingus not the same thing as eating an English muffin. If there is only one conjugal skill you master in your lifetime, let it be cunnilingus. Why? Because according to the Kahn Report On Sexual Preferences, most women rated cunnilingus their preferred sexual activity. Cindy, a gorgeous, red-headed receptionist, has a few tips for the guy who wants to use his tongue as a sexual weapon. Most men, she reveals, get hung up on one spot (namely the clit), erroneously reasoning the stronger the focus on her love button, the more the woman will like it. Not so, explains Cindy, who prefers a gradual buildup and a variety of oral techniques. "It’s best when a man starts to kiss me on my stomach, then my thighs, working his way down to my bush. He should lick and kiss me all up and down and around my slit, exploring all around the pussy lips with his tongue, his lips, his nose. Gradually, he should focus on the clit, as it gets bigger and harder."

Selfish Satyrs

Shere Hite discovered in her landmark study The Hite Report on Male Sexuality that most men consider male orgasm the most important point of sex and intercourse. As one male subject mused, "Isn’t sex orgasms? I’ve never heard of any other kind." That kind of attitude is fine as long as you include her orgasms, too. Sex doesn’t have to come to a screeching halt once you’ve shot your wad, but according to plenty of women we talked to, that’s exactly what happens. "I don’t expect the guy to hold off his orgasm forever," fumes Renee, an art director for a national magazine. "But if he does get off before I do, he still has hands, a mouth. He can see that I get my fair share."

Anal Angst

Men love to make passes at girl's lovely asses—but few know the fundamentals to getting let in the back door. The foible is often twofold; There are boo-boos in the approach and the action itself. First of all, the majority of women still consider anal sex kind of kinky. Few are even aware of how fascinating their assholes are to men. So the matter must be raised with a bit more delicacy than "I’m tired of your pussy, baby... roll over." Let her know how arousing you find the tiny, puckered hole and how you feel that being the first man in there would be as special as popping her cherry. Challenge her sense of erotic adventure. Of course, assure her that she'll love it, too, which brings us to the second part of the problem.

If she agrees to try anal sex, make it a project, and don’t be discouraged if you fail to get in on the first attempt. Promise her you’ll stop whenever she asks. First, wet the area with saliva, then use a lubricant like petroleum jelly all over. Massage the anus with one finger, slowly inserting it. When you feel the sphincter muscle tighten, stop. Let it relax, then continue your exploration. Next, insert a second finger, and when the woman is completely relaxed, lubricate your penis and slowly and carefully put it in. Once in, wait a moment, then thrust slowly. You can pick up speed once you know she’s enjoying it.

The Doubting Thomas Syndrome

Without exception, every woman we interviewed voiced the same complaint: "Why do men insist on asking us if we came?" Angie, a pert secretary with gorgeous green eyes, says, "I feel sorry for the guy who can’t tell the difference." Even though, in all fairness, it ain’t always that easy, blurting out "Did-ya-come?" is declassé. It puts her in an awkward position: If the answer is no, she feels like shit for admitting it, and chances are she'll blame you. If the answer is yes, she'll wonder what kind of sexual cretin you are, anyway. Do keep the whole question of female orgasm in perspective. "Men think that unless a chick goes wild, she's not enjoying it, but there is such a thing as a quiet orgasm," suggests Lee, a worldly divorcee. Dr. Ruth Westheimer agrees: "Orgasms really are like sneezes. Some will be small, and some will be big, and they will not always be the same." But that, as they say, is what keeps life interesting.

Absence of Afterplay

The first couple of minutes after sex is completed are often the most important of all. This is the time for the snuggling, cuddling, and reassuring women crave, what is known as afterplay. It is not the time to hop out of bed and into the shower, roll over with a bed-shaking yawn, launch into a critique of her cocksucking technique, click on the TV set and say, "I hope I didn’t miss Family Feud," or phone your cousin to check whether or not he got you tickets to the hockey game. "Women have a great need to be reassured. They want you to express in gestures and words the same feelings of caring and sharing that you’ve just expressed in the act of love," counsels Morgenstern. Even if you’re really wiped out and want to sleep, a few minutes of afterplay can be a great time to share the human warmth and companionship we all seek. You’re selling yourself and your partner short if you don’t learn to appreciate those moments together.

Well, that covers the 10 biggest sex bloopers. We’re not going into some minor ones women have mentioned: no sense of humor, poor grooming, a preoccupation with penis size, Don Juanism. At the very least, now you won’t have to moan in despair, "What the hell do women want, anyway?"

However, if you are still wondering what women want, Alex Altman has given his insights in Warning: Adults Only.

Alex Altman's Warning: Adults Only divulges the 9 daily success habits that indirectly make you more sexual, attract the opposite sex effortlessly, get more sex, and walk around with a huge smile everywhere you go. By telling you what women secretly wish you new about dating and sex, they teach you the secrets to hotter and more frequent sex.