Mental Health & Sex

How does it work?

SEX, SEX, SEX! 

Mental health and sex... How do these two coexist with one another? Is there a sex drive when you have mental health problems? Can you get back the sex drive? Or does it VANISH FOREVER? POOF!

I have heard a lot about men and women who lose their sex drive when they have mental health problems. It frustrates not only their partner but it frustrates them, probably even more than it does their partner. 

Why? 

  1. They want to make their partner happy.
  2. They want to keep their partner happy.
  3. They feel bad... all the time about it.
  4. They don’t think they are attractive. 
  5. They don’t want their partner to think they don’t find them attractive. 

When having mental health, it is important to admit your diagnosis and learn how to deal with it. When it comes to having those DOWN times and you get SAD, that’s when the sex goes out the window. It’s not the partner's fault. It’s not your fault. It just happens. It’s the chemical imbalance in the brain. 

There are ways to get past it. If you have a partner has mental health problems and they lose their sex drive sometimes or most of the time, try to make them feel better. "It" being watching their favorite movie, drawing them a bath, or letting them have time to themselves. 

If you are the partner with mental health problems and lose your sex drive, try to fantasize about your partner. Write down a fantasy that gets you and your partner both in the mood. Try to uplift your mood. 

There are ways to spice things up too, like buying toys. You have your vibrators, floggers, rope, candle wax, dildos, handcuffs, eatable underwear, ice cream, nipple clamps, and etc. I could go on awhile about the things you could get to help spice things up to get your partner in the mood. 

Don’t be shy about wanting to spice things up. Talk to each other. This one thing is VERY IMPORTANT. COMMUNICATION. That is the key to ANY relationship. 

You have to feel that passion and desire for one another. Though mental health may get in the way, there are ways to get around it. Go to a sex shop. Give each other massages. 

Now some people can be different. Some people have a sex drive and they can’t think straight when they have mental health. It is hard for them to stop wanting sex just like it’s hard for those who lose their sex drive when they have mental health. 

There are ways to help with this too. You can go for walks or runs. You can go do something fun other than sex. You can try reading a book or dance around naked or in your underwear, as long as it keeps you from having a sex drive that is over the top. 

I have mental health problems. My sex drive goes up and down ALL the time. There are weeks when I don’t want to be touched. Then there are weeks all I want to do is ravage a significant other. Then there is a day to day basis that I go up and down from wanting sex to not wanting sex. 

There are days where I don’t see the point in sex or having sex. Then there are days that I think it feels so good and want it. But I always find my balance. 

If I want it too much. I distract myself from it. I write, read, go work out, or clean. When I don’t want it, I try to find a way to get myself in the mood especially when a significant other is in the mood. I visualize what they’d do to me or more of what I’d do to them. 

Here are things to remember.

  1. It’s neither your fault nor your partner's.
  2. There is always a way to get your sex drive back. 
  3. There is always a way to distract yourself from sex. 
  4. COMMUNICATION.
  5. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. See number 4.
  6. Keep your partner in mind and what they are going through and what’s happened in their past. 
  7. Be their comfort zone. 
  8. Be someone they can TRUST
  9. Don’t get mad at one another, even if it is frustrating. 
  10. Don’t be afraid to spice up your sex life. 

If you are new to having a partner with mental health problems, then do your research. But don’t be a helicopter mom when you find out how to support them. They won’t like it. 

They will, however, think it’s sweet you looked at what to watch out for. At least I think it would be sweet. It will be hard. But if you care, it’s worth it.

I can’t stress this enough... COMMUNICATION. That is always the key to talks like this. It is key to any relationship. You always want to be upfront about how you feel. It may hurt their feelings at first. But if they care enough then they will get over it and work it out with you/them. 

In the end, you are always going to have to battle with losing your sex drive and being overly sexually active. This is common with “normal” people. But it is just an overdrive on each side when you have mental health. It just comes with the territory. But don’t be ashamed. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. 

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Mental Health & Sex
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