In the spirit of being a bit contrarian in today's permissive and hyper-liberal sexual environment, I want to remind people of the value of love in the sexual arena.
Rolls in the hay, one night stands, and so on provide us with pleasure and passion but can often leave us feeling empty and yearning for something deeper and more satisfying. (Pun intended)
The religion-dominated view of human sexuality was far too repressive and lead to guilt and shame over our bodies in general.
The modern era strikes me as a kind of rebellion against our sexually conservative past: "No one can tell me what to do with my body!"
We are now free to sleep with whomever we want, whenever we want, consequences be damned. I want to argue that the traditional view of sex, as well as the accepted norms in secular Western society, are both missing the mark in different ways.
There is no judgmental patriarchal God-figure telling us what to do with our bodies, who to sleep with, or anything else.
Equally, we are all sacred human beings with a divine spark that yearns for true union with ourselves, each other, and the universe at large.
When we truly make love with another human being, it is much more profound than simply f*ing someone and moving on. The former involves a deep recognition of mind, body, and soul coming together as one.
The latter is more akin to a chemical rush, almost like a drug experience. People agree to use each other to get off and then go on their merry way.
Sexual experimentation and promiscuity may be relatively benign in the earlier stages of life, not accounting for unwanted pregnancies and so on.
The problems arise when we develop a pattern of behavior that is not truly in line with what we want and what is best for us in the long run.
Sex feels great—it is the most powerful bodily experience we can have and it is responsible for giving us all the gift of life. Like everything, sex needs to be seen and experienced in a higher context for it to be meaningful and fulfilling.
I have a friend who experienced so much pain and loss in monogamous relationships that he became polyamorous. Committing deeply to one person is risky; many of us try to hedge our bets by not putting all our eggs in one basket.
Making love with one person over time provides the depth that is missing from polyamorous sexual encounters. Many people don't believe they can ever find the right person, so they compromise by having sexual experiences with different people for fear of the risks of developing true intimacy.
True sexuality opens us up to face everything about ourselves and our partner. There is no hiding from our shadow when we are truly vulnerable and intimate with someone over time.
A quick romp can allow people to get off on each other without having to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of their whole being. A breadth of sexual partners will never open us to ourselves and to life in the way that the depth of our one true love is meant to do.
If the partner of our dreams is not yet in our lives, we have to treat ourselves as such. It is by truly loving and honouring ourselves that we can attract a partner with whom we can truly make love.
As a counselor, I have helped many clients become more self-aware regarding their choices and ways in which they can live happier and more meaningful lives. Thank you for reading and please feel free to contact me any time.