Let's Talk About Porn

From a Fighter

Funny title right? Wrong!

So, I am going to tell you a story. Actually it's quite a personal one, and it has to do with Porn. Don't get too intimidated with that word, because it's not at all what you think. I'm going to share how this addictive drug has destroyed lives, but personally, my own.

"Porn will tear us apart" – Fight the New Drug

Where better to start than the beginning... It all started back in 6th grade. As a young child I was still growing, and finding new interests. I had gone down to the "neighbors" house to be baby sat. Well, it wasn't exactly babysitting, but my brother and I always went down there, and hung out with them. This is where it all started. My brother and his friend were in his room, and the "babysitter" told me he had something to show me. I figure at this point you already know what I talking about. Porn.

From that moment there was this image in my head. I couldn't un-see what I had just watched right then and there. It was stuck, and that's where it all went down hill. I was told it was okay, everyone does it. I was told, don't worry, it's just images, it's nothing bad, right? WRONG!

From then on my mind was intrigued. I began to look, and search. I wasn't looking for anything particular just a feeling. A sense of something to fill that void. It became something I needed, well, thought I needed. It started off as a once and a while thing, and then became more often of a thing. Then it was a few times a month. Every other week. Every week. Multiple times a week. Every day. It became something I relied on. It became my addiction.

This is where people tend to laugh. They say things like, "Porn isn't an addiction," or " I love Porn." They turn me into this joke, and justify their comments with "everyone watches it." That's a horrible statement. Why are we, a society, justifying this harmful addiction. Why are we "normalizing" something that destroys love, a mind set, and is a huge contributor to sex trafficking. Yeah, I bet not many of you knew that, or if you did, you tend to skip over that thought. People are being bought and sold and raped on screen for the enjoyment of the user. Just writing that makes me sick, and that was one of the main reasons I had to get rid of this horrible addiction.

I had remembered attending a Fight the New Drug presentation my sophomore year, but I wasn't exactly sure what it was all about.

Then in the summer of 2016, I met someone who was heavily involved with the Fight the New Drug program. I talked to them a little about that, and their struggle. Most of my research and battling I did on my own. I didn't really come out with my addiction until later on. I then came across this thing called "fortify." It's a program that brings you through all the harmful effects of pornography, and it helps you with your personal battle. You get to keep a journal, and track your setbacks, and it has a victory counter. You get emails, and you get the opportunity to learn and fight for real love. This program continues to help me grow and remind my why I am fighting this addiction. I am glad to say I am doing well. For a while there were setbacks. It eventually got easier. Then there was another setback. Now, I am on top.

Through this battle I have gained a lot of accountability partners, and have actually had people tell me about their addiction, and ask if I could help them. It has been a blessing. Yes, indeed, there are the ones who still believe it is some kind of joke. It's not. It destroys love, and I can be a first hand example of that.

"When sex becomes easier to view, love becomes difficult to find." – Fight the New Drug

I admit the hardest thing this addiction has brought to me was it's hard to love. I would strongly make the statement that porn is significantly worse than some other drugs. The thing is, once you see those images, and what happens in videos, you can't get rid of them. I'll say that again, YOU CAN'T GET RID OF THEM. You have already saw them. It's there, and it can't go away. The most demeaning thing is most of them show the males as dominant, which personally made me feel like a minority to males. It made me act as if I had to do whatever a man wanted right? WRONG! You see this image of worthlessness, and submission was given. I felt like I didn't have a say, and that I wasn't in control of my own body. I felt like I had to do whatever my significant other wanted me to do, and let me say this right now: You are your own person. Don't let someone make you do things and make you feel vulnerable.

My friends often asked me why I wasn't in a relationship, or if I was, why I always got out of them quick. You see, my view of love was changed. I would get sick at the thought of physical touch. I was scared to open up. Then the images. Like I have written countless times before, those images DON'T go away. Right when I thought I could do it. When I thought I was strong enough to do something, those images would show up. They would condemn me back to them. I would hold someones hand and shiver because the images would pop in my mind. I would seek a relationship, but every time I thought of it I remembered what I had seen. They stay there graven into your head, and they don't ever go away, but you can stop them.

I have found the more I spread awareness of this drug, and the longer I continue to not watch it the better I feel. I am able to love, and hold a good relationship. I spend time seeking the Lord.

I want to personally say, if you struggle with this, I am here. You can always talk to me, or even sign up for the fortify program. If you don't want to tell anyone, you can always go to Fight the New Drug's website and find the facts there. I encourage you to get an accountability partner. Find someone you trust, and have them hold you accountable. If you don't want to tell someone you know you can always shoot me an email at [email protected], and I can write you emails and help you fight this horrible drug. We need to stop making this a norm. There is hope, don't feel like you're weird because you want to fight against porn. Trust me, it's a beautiful fight.

"If only our eyes saw people instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be" – Fight the New Drug

Hope to hear from some of you.

Sincerely,

A fighter.

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