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Kissing Guide

There is more to kissing than meets the mouth.

A young stud was courting a married woman whose husband was out of town. One day while they were fucking in her bedroom there was a loud banging at the door and a very gruff man's voice demanded to be let in. There was no question but that the woman’s husband had returned home earlier than expected. But the wife in bed with her lover was beside herself with bliss and lost to the world.

"Oh, honey, kiss my tits, I'm coming," she moaned.

Replied the scared stud, "Kiss my ass, I'm going."

We related this anecdote to illustrate that kissing can be both thrilling and chilling. Most people only think of the thrilling nature of kissing, but there can be a very definite chilling side to kissing, both physically and financially.

There are of course, all kinds of kisses. There is the kiss of greeting, either on the lips or the cheek; the French or Soul kiss, whereby lovers let their tongues run wild in each other's mouths while kissing passionately; and the erotic kiss, where lovers kiss their sex partners on or in their erogenous zones. We also have people who love to "kiss ass." This is undoubtedly the most popular form of kissing in the world today. An "ass kisser"—by the definition we are using—is one who curries favor with someone for some kind of hopeful gain. There are also ass kissers who physically kiss asses for erotic purposes, but they are definitely in the minority compared to the other type of ass kisser.

Photo via Filthy Muse

Lip Kissers Vs Ass Kissers

Undoubtedly, a number of ass kissers in our society have the world on a string. But lip kissers have done even better. A group of German psychologists, physicians, and insurance companies cooperated on a research project designed to find out the secret of long life and success. They found, according to Dr. Arthur Szabo of West Germany, that the key to longer, happier, healthier, wealthier lives for men lies in one single act: Kiss your wife or girlfriend each morning when you leave for work.

The meticulous German researchers discovered that men who kiss their wives every morning have fewer automobile accidents on their way to work than men who omit the morning kiss. The good morning kissers miss less work because of sickness than the non-kissers. And they earn from 20 to 30 percent more money and live some five years longer than men who are stingy with their kisses.

Said Dr. Szabo, "A husband who kisses his wife every morning begins the day with a positive attitude."

Is there any hope for those gentlemen who neglect to deliver that morning kiss? They have a lot going against them, insists Dr. Szabo. These unaffectionate fellows start the day with negative feelings and doubts about their own worth. You see, a kiss is a kind of seal of approval.

The Germans have also researched what happens when a man kisses a woman. They say heartbeats rise from normal to about 150 a minute. Blood pressure goes up from a normal 120 to about 180. The spinal column stretches. Nerve areas in the pelvic region become activated. Glands pour out adrenalin. The pancreas releases insulin. The gonads start popping.

Before all this, the brain reacts. The tongue nerve sounds an alarm in the third branch of the fifth cranial nerve, which then signals the central nervous system. Shortly after this point, the rational functions of the brain all but cease. In some cases death can result, from a heart attack or when deadly germs are passed. Kissing is the culprit.

The chemistry of osculation has been studied by Dr. Herbert Loeingen, of Leverkrusen, West Germany, who calls himself (what else?) an oscologist. But it will probably come to pass that the important scientific discoveries of Dr. Loeingen won't affect in the least the wide practice of this clearly unhealthy custom. If we did not enjoy doing things that are bad for us, what would there be left to do?

Photo via Filthy Muse

Symbolism of Kisses

Believe it or not, the kiss has become a subject of scholarly concern. A unique historical study of that pleasant osculatory communication—and all its symbolism—was published by the University of California.

The Kiss Sacred and Profane is the mammoth effort of Professor Nicola J. Perella. In 342 pages, he has shown that the symbolism of the kiss includes historically not only affection but nourishment, treachery, sex substitution, death, divine grace, resurrection, and soul transference.

"In an erotic sense, we’re less creative about kissing today," says Perella. "Now we're generally less interested in foreplay. But the 16th century was really big on it. What we call the French or Soul kiss flourished in the Renaissance. Then it was known as the Italian kiss. This intertwining of tongues, however, goes back to classical antiquity."

In his book, Perella tells of the diminishing status of the kiss. He quotes Freud as saying: "The kiss is performed between the mucous membrane of the lips of two people... the parts of the body involved do not form part of the sexual apparatus that constitutes the entrance to the digestive tract."

Everyone who has paid a minimum of one visit to the local movie theater knows what a kiss is. And practically everyone has a working knowledge of how to kiss. But just what does a kiss mean?

The answer to this is governed by the perspective of the person involved. To a youngster under ten, a kiss is just plain "mush." To the sophisticated teenage female, it’s a casual and satisfying way of saying, "Thanks, for a lovely evening." And there are other meanings.

The scientist, however, defines it succinctly as the "juxtaposition of two obicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction."

Origins & Superstitions of Kissing

No one really has any idea where and when the act of kissing originated, although there is no lack of theories. Jonathan Swift, the great English satirist, once wrote: "Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

The Greeks seriously considered kissing a precious gift from the gods. A few disillusioned philosophers of the Middle Ages—likely with whiskers—were certain the practice stemmed from the Devil.

The saying, "I love you so much I could eat you up," probably originated from what early naturalists described as a "modified bite." Charles Darwin attempted to take the romance out of kissing by trying to trace the practice back to the lower animals who seize their prey with their teeth.

Shakespeare defined kisses as "the seals of love." Henry Ward Beecher, scandal-plagued minister of the 19th century, once described the kiss he be stowed upon a lady friend as "paroxysmal."

The custom of kissing has been in use so many centuries that it has developed a long and interesting history. So long, in fact, that it has generated a host of superstitions, several of which still are observed today.

Do you know why men line up at the wedding reception to kiss the bride? It's because of an old English belief that all who kiss the bride will have good luck for a year.

Kissing a bruised spot to make it stop hurting stems from a practice of knights during the Middle Ages. They sucked poison from wounds received in battle.

The Welsh have long believed that the sex of the first baby kissed by a bride determines the sex of her own first-born. The French declare that if a dark-complexioned man kisses a maiden, she should expect an imminent proposal—but not necessarily from him. And in the Dark Ages, kissing a pretty woman was almost a guaranteed cure for a headache. Early Christians considered a kiss an expression of love, peace, and goodwill. Through a centuries-old process of evolution, this tradition today is expressed in such rites as kissing the pope's ring, or kissing the cross.

The custom of kissing a lady's hand began in the days when gentlemen liked to show respect and affection by bowing and kissing at the same time. In history and legend, kisses have heralded doom for many. The Judas kiss is the most famous kiss of betrayal. Paris, prince of Troy, precipitated the 10-year Trojan War when he dared to kiss Helen. One kiss led to another and before Paris knew what was happening, a jealous husband was leading a Greek army against the Trojans to teach them a lesson.

Men were not long in recognizing that a kiss could get you into trouble. So they did the obvious thing, and history is dotted with anti-kissing decrees. A citizen of ancient Greece caught kissing a woman on the street—wife or not—was subject to the death penalty. However, in private, kissing became so popular among the Greeks that women were inspired to perfume and color their lips to make them more "kissable"—the early beginnings of the cosmetics industry.

These same Greeks did their best to keep temptation away. Husbands made wives eat onions before permitting them to go out in public alone. Persians used to cage a woman caught kissing in public and suspend her from the city gate for 24 hours. The man she kissed was whipped through the streets. Even today it is against the law for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday in Connecticut.

As you can see, there's a lot more to kissing than meets the mouth. Despite the fact that we are living in a supposed sexually enlightened age, many civilized societies still harbor some strange thoughts about kissing. Take Italy, for example. Four centuries ago, kissing in public was a capital crime. And even today a public kiss can get you in a peck of trouble. The menfolk of Italy are reputed to be among the world's most passionate lovers. However, today Italy, more than any other European country except Spain and Portugal, frowns on public shows of affection.

The word "kiss" appears in no clause of the Italian penal code, but no other single act of a human being has been punished in the history of Italian law courts under such a wide variety of legal headings. Kisses have led to charges ranging from "annoyance," "insult," "private violence," and "violent libido," to "acts contrary to public decency" being brought against the perpetrator. Several times, kissing cases have ascended all the steps of the legal ladder to reach Italy's Supreme Court. 

Crazy Kissing Laws

Legislation was once passed in Bangkok, Thailand, forbidding moviegoers to kiss. The municipal council adopted this resolution because of concern about cleanliness and hygiene in public places. Couples caught kissing are fined $25.

In New Delhi, India, in a moment of passion, twenty-one-year-old Shiri Janagad kissed his nineteen-year-old fiancee on the lips—and landed in jail for 14 days. A judge told him: "A young lover may give the girl a chaste kiss on the forehead in public. But a two-minute embrace is a moral offense."

A young Russian man was walking arm in arm with a coed on the campus of a Moscow University. He was feeling romantic, so he kissed her. The next thing he knew, he was on trial before the College Young Communist Organization (Komsomol), charged with moral misconduct and threatened with expulsion from the Komsomol—a severe penalty for a career-conscious Soviet boy. He was reprimanded for moral misconduct and told that if he got caught kissing again he would be thrown out of the Komsomol.

Impulsive kissers invariably land in trouble. In Rhodes, Greece, a stolen kiss cost nineteen-year-old Basil Tripolitis 10 days in jail. And if the girl he kissed had not pardoned him, the youth's sentence probably would have been much tougher. He said he saw an attractive Swedish girl, twenty one, in the street and simply couldn’t resist kissing her.

And get this. In London, Keith Long, twenty seven, an unemployed worker, was sentenced to two years in prison for kissing a girl he didn't know on a London street. Police said Long had nine previous convictions for similar offenses.

And a girl of eighteen who paddled in a Trafalgar Square fountain and tried to kiss everyone who passed her was fined five pounds.

Kissing can be a crime in many places in the United States, as well. Swedesboro, New Jersey enacted an anti-kissing law some years ago. One little buss may cost you $200.

In Kansas City, a husband and wife, both city bus drivers, were suspended for kissing on the job.

Swapping spit, making out, or hooking up: Whatever you call it, there’s more it than meets the eye. And we haven’t even gotten into the eskimo kiss or butterfly kiss yet!

Recommended Reading

Now that you have learned about the history and science of kissing, you may be wondering how to perfect that act itself. Whether you're preparing for your first kiss or are an experienced pro, there is always something to be learned. Find tips and tricks to perfect your kiss in Kissing: 5 Best Tips On How To Kiss And Drive Your Partner Wild.

Kissing: 5 Best Tips On How To Kiss And Drive Your Partner Wild by Evan Rockwell

Kissing is a vital aspect of relationships, and being a good kisser is crucial to your success on this front. Ninety percent of people say that they would not date a bad kisser. Avoid common mistakes and learn all of the best tips and tricks in Kissing: 5 Best Tips On How To Kiss And Drive Your Partner Wild by Evan Rockwell.

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