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Judge His Bedroom Style by His Shoe Style

From sneakers to boots, every man has a style, but did you know that with just an inspection of his footwear, you can determine his skills in the bedroom?

We have all been told to never judge a book by its cover, but what about judging the passion of a man by the style of shoe he wears? That’s right folks, I’ve got the inside guide to predetermining the losers, lovers, and ass slappers of the bedroom by simply looking at his feet.

Women are not very different when it comes to deciphering their bedroom skills by their foot fashion; in fact, it is probably much easier to determine a girl’s mood by the height of her heel. For instance, the chick wearing 5-inch patent leather stilettos, yeah she wants to leave those on while having her legs wrapped around her head. How about the girl wearing ballet flats to the bar; chances are she is good for an average makeout sesh and maybe an innocent boob grab. OK, enough about the females though, let me get back to the men. For every shoe style, there is a sex style, and here is how they match up.  Next time you find out yourself single and ready to mingle, you may want to start your search from the foot up.

 

The Work Boot (The Ass Slapper)

Guys who wear Timbs are tough, or at least they want to be. They are an old school kind of dude who listens to hip-hop, smokes the occasional butt, and isn’t afraid to speak his mind. Timb wearers like their women with attitude and enough flesh to grab onto.  They also find no qualms in vocalizing just how much they love that ass and what they want to do to it. They're typically not into toys like paddles and floggers, but would rather use the tools that God has given them. All I'm saying is, don’t be surprised if your utility boot wearer likes to leave a hand print or two on your backside.

The Boat Shoe (The Sex Toy Lover)

If you are you doing a double take with this one, let me explain. People with a lot of money are bored, people who are bored buy toys, and owning a boat is essentially like owning an enormous expensive toy. Therefore, it only makes sense that this wealthy lad also likes toys in the bedroom. Why have sex the normal way when you can please her with a 14-carat golden vibrator? If you still don’t believe me, let me share a little story. I grew up in the yachting world thanks to daddy dearest and have spent many a summer days on different luxury vessels. While sitting for a family friend’s 75-foot Carver, I found myself rummaging through closets and drawers (doesn’t everyone do that) and what I found would never be forgotten. There in front of my eyes was a 3-tiered rotating contraption holding a very colorful and very wide assortment of dildos and vibrators. After that, I never did look at “Uncle” Richie and “Aunt” Karen quite the same or any person owning a boat more than 40-feet.

The Athletic Sneaker (The Thrill Seeker)

A woman who is dating a man who majority wears running sneakers should expect to have sex standing up, laying down, and possibly even upside down. Please note I am NOT talking about beat up Avia sneakers with holey socks, I am referring to real deal running/cross training sneakers with a super low cut ankle sock (yes, there is a huge difference). Not only does this all around athletic fella like it in every direction, he may also like it in non-conventional places like in the hallway or shower. Beware, because with this stamina-driven thrill-seeker may also show interest in exploring orifices in addition to the usual. Good luck and God Speed.

The Flip Flopper (The Forgetful Lover)

After a few too many Coronas on the beach and a bad case of whiskey [email protected], the sandal wearing man is usually known for a sweaty quickie in the restroom of a beach bar. Not only is he good for 45 seconds of fun, but most of the time he will be fresh out of protection, leaving the woman to provide the condom. These types of guys are free spirited (and sometimes diseased) and usually like to take things as they come rather than planning ahead. So, if you have a thing for hairy exposed toes in a pair of Teva’s, I suggest you always have extra Trojans on hand.

The Converse Wearer (The Selfish Lover)

The habitual Chuck wearer is generally a laid back type of dude but with a selfish side. While he will take sex any way he can get it, he more than often resorts back to positions that please him mostly. Whether it is due to cockiness or lack of giving a shit, this boy-man isn’t so much about the spice and romance but more about 2 humans getting off with a joke or two in between. If he can’t get what he wants when the mood strikes, he also has no problem spending the night with some mediocre porn and his hand.

The Sneaker Head (The All Around Lover)

Ahhhh, my favorite type of man, the man who likes a variety of styles, and luckily for me, my husband. This guy has it all from the hottest sneaks on the market to a pair of clean Chucks, expensive dress shoes, and a dope pair of worn-in boots. He likes his lovin' like he likes his shoes and that is of a wide selection. He will give you a quickie but he will also take his time when the mood is right. He will dirty talk you as well as sweet talk you.   This man knows what he wants and does what he has to to get it.

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