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We all know people who get into friends with benefits situations simply because they need physical action, but don't want an emotional commitment. Most of the time, we also know that those backfire. We all know people who have cheated or have been cheated on. Usually those are purely physical things, as well. So we all know sex is more openly embraced these days, and more acknowledged that the younger generations are participating in it sometimes just as much. But what about those that put more value in sex?
If you're like me, you put a lot of thought into sex itself when you became aware of it. I thought about how I would want it to be. I thought about who I wanted it to be with. Of course, I knew I wanted it to feel good for both of us. But the biggest thing that I knew I expected of myself was that when I gave up my virginity, it was going to be to the person that I wanted and planned to spend the rest of my life with. It would be with the person that I loved more than anything else.
Deciding to have sex is a large personal decision, as well as being a huge decision in a couple's relationship. It can change a lot of things. You hear this all the time, but you never truly understand it until you have made that decision. You have to be able to trust your partner. Trust that they will not hurt you. That they will not cross already established boundaries. You have to trust that you can count on them if anything were to arise out of consummating your relationship.
My boyfriend and I talked about the context of sex in our relationship for almost 10 months. We were long distance for that same amount of time, and so we had the time to talk about when that was something we wanted to bring into our relationship. Honestly, I think that was a really good thing for us. In a lot of relationships, one person or another feels pressured or rushed into having sex. It might be just that it's in their head, and nobody is actually trying to make them do anything. But in today's world, where sex is looked on as expected, and your virginity is looked at as something to give up as young as possible, waiting for sex is not always heard of.
When my boyfriend and I decided we were truly ready to take that next step, it was a mutual decision. It was something we had talked about in detail. And while we did not plan when or how it was going to happen, we knew what adding sex to our relationship would mean. We both knew parts about each of our pasts that made sex a very emotional thing for both of us. And because of that, we both knew how much trust would be needed if we added sex into our relationship.
Just the other night, we were talking about our first time. I gave him my virginity, and I got his. It was not just that fact that made it so memorable, though. While he remembered holding me afterwards, he did not remember that I cried. As such, he asked me why I cried. Honestly, I could not give him the best of answers. The best I could do was this. We were both so vulnerable. But in that, we trusted each other enough to know that we were not going to hurt each other, that if we needed to stop or to slow down how fast everything was progressing, we would. I knew for such a long time before that we loved each other. We both knew it. But when we were laying there together, in that moment, it was the first time I felt so overwhelmed with love. I had never felt like one person had ever cared so much that they waited, like I did, for the person they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. I knew, in that moment, that this was going to be the man I married.
It is not just the first time you have sex that is special. That is not the only time you need trust in your partner to have sex with them. If you are like me, you need to have a certain level of trust there at all times. Trust and communication. Even now, if I really do not want something to happen, he will listen. We will talk. And he has never made me feel bad that I did not feel like I could have sex with him at a certain time. Even when I blame myself, feel bad, or anything else, he holds me and just repeats the same thing. He loves me, he does not blame me, and these things happen. We have always had that connection.
Trust is a huge thing in any successful relationship. It has to be. But it is also really important when it comes to taking those next steps in your relationship. Taking those chances, taking the risk to continue progressing your relationship, takes a large amount of trust between you and your partner. No amount of emphasis can be put on how important it is to trust your partner. Yes, there might be times where you worry, where your trust might not be as strong. But when planning a long term relationship, a committed relationship, or a forever with someone, trust (and yes, sex) is more than important. It conveys more than just words. It shows so much to both people in the relationship.