Filthy logo

Is Erectile Dysfunction All in Your Head?

The inability to rise to the occasion may be a matter of it being all in your head, rather than a case of erectile dysfunction.

By Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago 11 min read
Like

There are probably more myths and misconceptions responsible for the madness surrounding the words "impotence" or "erectile dysfunction" than for any other malady affecting mankind. No doubt because it has to do with that very sensitive subject so dear to man—sex. And although experts, since the first bite of the apple, have labored mightily to lift the curtain of ignorance, man has, for the most part, ignored their efforts and continued to tremble at the mere mention of the word.

Men of many ages and levels of health experience impotence and it varies from individual to individual. But generally speaking, a healthy, active, young man may just be experiencing erectile dysfunction from a mental standpoint. This is not to say that men shouldn’t consult a doctor just to be sure, but when the different pressures, standards, (and the number of drinks you’ve consumed that night) are all taken into account, men may realize that their lack of the ability to stand up to the occasion is actually all in their head (the one on their shoulders, that is!).

Plato’s Perspective

From a purely medical standpoint, impotence is concisely described as the inability of the penis to gain an erection sufficient for penetration. But while doctors and sex therapists know there are many causes of impotence, the average man and woman do not; they still labor under the old wive's tales of encroaching senility, disease, blood disorder, physical injury, excessive consumption of drugs, alcohol, etc. These disorders may indeed be contributive to the problem; however, combined they make up less than one percent of all known cases. Which means that over 90 percent of the time, erectile dysfunction is caused by emotional stress or other mentally-oriented factor.

It’s a strange dichotomy that exists within man. Eager to pursue more spiritual goals, he nonetheless grounds himself in matters more earthbound. Plato, in one of his many discourses, pinpointed the problem perfectly when he said, “I long for the day when I am no longer passion's slave.” That somewhat lofty sentiment may be all well and good for philosophers and other heavy thinkers of Plato's stature, but for the average man, it's sheer anathema. Man loves being passion’s slave; wishes he could wallow in its bondage eternally—or at least until he's 95!

The Hunter Becomes the Hunted

Man sees himself as the hunter in the game of sex, the conqueror, the master. He is, instead, the hunted, the conquered, the slave; an emotional and psychological servant to the capricious up-and-down status of his penis. Today's male is pressured by society at large, by women, and by his own insecurity. Urged to meet a sexual standard he had no voice in structuring, he is likened to an animal of great sexual stamina and endurance; i.e. the bull, the stallion, the ram—all expected to service a multitude of females and produce numerous progeny. But, whereas the animal is not required to maintain an erection for long periods of time (approximately two minutes or less on the average), man is. He is expected not only to perform stud duty, not only to service the female in order to protect and promote the species, but to satisfy her, as well. It is in that last duty that man has witnessed a rebellion within himself. And the pressures are enormous. When they become overwhelming, the man becomes “impotent”. His subconscious rebels against the inhuman demands made on the body, and the body obeys the mind. It refuses to function under such duress.

But what is this so-called “impotence”? Surveys have proved time and again that 99 percent of all cases of alleged impotence are due to mental, not physical disorders. These men are perfectly capable of performing a normal sex act. What they are incapable of performing is an abnormal sex act; that is, attempting to obtain an erection when they are not adequately aroused, when they are not sexually stimulated. When man, in fact, does not really want to do what others expect of him. The mind controls, the body obeys.

via Canada Drug Center

Impotence Patients Learn Patience

Kyle, Joel, and Michael are three prime examples of men who were abruptly confronted with a body that joined the subconscious rebellion rather than obey the primal urge.

Kyle has been married six years, during which time he and his wife enjoyed mutually satisfying sex. Recently, however, his wife began making more demands on Kyle, the more “instructions” she insisted on giving him in order to satisfy her own sexual desires—the more Kyle's own subconscious rebelled. Disinterested with her demands, Kyle eventually turned off his libido.

While his wife admits to have been trying to spice things up, Kyle’s patience with the situation eventually disappeared and he exploded verbally at his wife, “Faster, slower, here, there, it’s like following the GPS on my phone, then rerouting me when I make a wrong turn. And you know I hate asking for directions!”

Kyle came to me shortly after that episode. At that time he considered himself impotent. He could not gain an erection, he complained, and as a result, his sex life was miserable, his marriage on the rocks. He blamed himself for not being able to perform, to adequately satisfy his wife's sexual needs. She, unfortunately, agreed with him. Despite efforts to please her orally and/or with vibrators and manual excitation, she remained unsatisfied as a result of her own standards, eventually berating him and demeaning his manhood.

Rather than being unique, Kyle's plight is so common an occurrence it’s absolutely frustrating. The signposts of mental pressure, rather than physical disorder, are so obvious, one can only wonder at the human psyche and why it chooses to ignore the truth and pursue the lie. The blame does indeed lie with Kyle, but only because he is giving in to his own psyche. He, of course, is not impotent. He is simply not sexually aroused as a result of the miscommunication the he is experiencing at home.

However, as impotent as Kyle thought he was, he was not beyond saving. My “treatments” consisted mainly of convincing him that his temporary disorder was just that, temporary, and that the fault lay not so much within himself as within his own subconscious. Prior to their lack of communication, sex was beautiful. He was more than adequate as a love partner. But the change their relationship underwent, wrought changes in their relationship that neither was prepared for.

It took several months of therapy with both Kyle, and his wife to make them both aware that their problem was more of the mind than the body. They are now, I’m pleased to report, a very happily married and sexually satisfied couple.

With Joel, a single, 28-year-old high school teacher, the circumstances are slightly different, but the results the same. He complained of his inability to become erect with one out of every two or three women he found himself in bed with, despite sincere efforts on their part to arouse him during foreplay. He had even requested they resort to “dirty talk,” but all to little or no avail. “If I’m not excited and hard right away,” he said, “it’s usually that way for the rest of the night. I don’t know what's wrong. I get the feeling I’m only 28 and becoming impotent.”

As far as sexually satisfying his partners, Joel admitted to some success through his oral and digital techniques, but for that night only. He has rarely seen any of the women with whom he failed to get an erection more than twice. “I found that I was just torturing myself if I tried a second time.” Asked why he felt he needed the second date to realize it just wasn't working out, he replied not unexpectedly, “I didn’t want her to think I was a jerk for not calling for a second date, or that I was totally inadequate. I had to show her I was a man, that I was sexual and fully capable of being a good lover.” Asked further how he felt about pleasing the women without gaining an erection, he again gave the almost universal reply for men in his predicament: "Well, I guess... I don’t know... after all, I often don’t see these women again, and I leave them soon after I’ve accomplished the task of bringing them to orgasm.”

Joel's problem is best described as “situational erectile dysfunction” that is, a circumstance wherein the situation itself applies overwhelming pressure to perform according to others’ standards or standards he has placed on himself as a man. Joel is a normal, healthy and sexually capable man, but because of what he thinks are demands being made on him to be able to perform with any and all women, he finds himself unequal to the “task.” Notice also that Joel uses the words “task of bringing them to orgasm” in order to describe his role as a non-functioning love partner. If there is a task to perform, rather than a fun, reciprocal activity, how can he get excited over it? It's just one more pressure heaped upon an already overburdened psyche. Its as if almost from the beginning, Joel has already placed a level of pressure on himself, which may effect his subconscious.

Joel could not see his alternative. He elected to force the issue, satisfy the woman in whichever way he could, then get out, never see her again, before she could learn of his impotence from the pressure he felt. Joel never really gave himself a chance. However, he was finally able to recognize the situation for what it was, and now functions more than satisfactorily with the women of his choice, the women he wants to make love with.

Mired in very similar circumstances is Michael, a 21-year-old college senior, football hero, basketball star, and academic whiz. He is, of course, chased by every coed within a hundred miles. Michael, however, is basically a “one woman” man; dating Julie seriously for nearly four years when he first sought treatment.

Julie attends a college in a city many miles from Michael, resulting in a serious, but long distance relationship. Michael insists he's not interested in the free-swinging bachelor type of life, but he admits women chase him, seduce him, virtually scream for his body. At first Michael would put the women off, maintaining he was in love, hopeful of getting married, and that he didn’t want to cheat on his girlfriend. Michael’s sexual culture orientation was that of most young men his age; that boys will be boys when it comes to sex. To do otherwise would invite ridicule from his peers, especially his football and basketball buddies.

Michael gave in to the most persistent pursuers. It caused near havoc with his sanity. He had had no previous difficulties getting an erection or performing adequately in bed, but all of a sudden he was, he thought, impotent. Actually, all of a sudden, he simply had no desire to fulfill society's stereotypical expectations of a handsome hunk of football hero and wished to restore his tattered relationship with Julie. But he tried anyway… and failed... because, as with the others, his subconscious was telling him not to, and his penis, by not getting erect, was merely following orders It remained “at ease.”

Treating Michael was relatively uncomplicated. Being intelligent, he discovered his fears of erectile dysfunction were unjustified the moment he reunited with his girlfriend, Julie. Then, not only was he potent, but as he related to me in a follow-up session, “I was downright animal! Oh, wow, it was the best ever. Julie didn’t know what to make of it. I’m still deciding whether to come clean about the cheating or not.”

Doctor’s Diagnosis

Were Kyle, Joel, and Michael really suffering from impotence? Of course not. Nor did they really have sexual problems. They thought they did, but once apprized of the outside pressures they were allowing to be heaped upon themselves, they quickly returned to the normal healthy, passionate love partners they were before. All they had to do was renounce the age-old myth of penis power. I speak out against this myth, because I feel strongly that men must recognize the destructiveness of it. They must recognize the pain they cause, not only to themselves by perpetuating it, but the horror they put women through as a result.

We are living in a sexually liberated world; whether some deem that a positive or negative progression depends on the individual, but we are in an age where sex in many places with many people, which may result in a lack of communication between the individuals involved about their wants, needs, and expectations.

Has it made us healthier? Happier? Obviously not. Some women, as a result, are suffering from sexual dysfunctions such as non-orgasmic responses and frigidity, despite their “free” sexual exploits. Men are increasingly complaining of impotence or premature ejaculation because they get so worked up that it happens too quickly or not at all. These problems are often experienced, not because they are truly dysfunctions, but because they are our minds intruding. Impotence, if you haven’t learned it by now, is a state of mind, not a condition of the penis. In the event that erectile dysfunction is affecting your sex life, you should consult your doctor, but for many, all you need is an extra boost to your libido, such as Cavalier Daily Sexual Health Support.

Formulated with natural ingredients, such as velvet bean, maca, and yohimbe, Cavalier Daily Sexual Health Support is a supplement that is meant to support health, well being, and a healthy libido. The capsules can be take daily or prior to sexual activity to increase sex drive naturally and safely.

sexual wellnesshumanityadvice
Like

About the Creator

Filthy Staff

A group of inappropriate, unconventional & disruptive professionals. Some are women, some are men, some are straight, some are gay. All are Filthy.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.