Is Being Chaste a Waste?

Welcome to the prudish corner of the Filthy section. Not really, because in my experience sexuality can mean so much more to us when we mean so much more to one another. And I do mean one another.

Monogamy seems to have faded in popularity for many of us, as the promises of promiscuous bliss between the sheets tempt us with mainstream messages and relaxed sexual mores. The argument I intend to set forth is that human sexuality was ultimately designed to be experienced with that special someone in order to deepen the relationship on all levels, as well as deepen our connection to ourselves and the universe as a whole.

Sex has really become so heavily distorted in our modern world that it is very difficult to even see it for what it is and how it got this way. I assert that at the heart of human sexuality there is meant to be a divine celebration. What we see more often than not is massive commodification.

When we think about the "world's oldest profession," many of us imagine prostitutes selling themselves to peoples of old, and not much has really changed in the modern era. The basis of this interaction is pretty simple. Some people want sex, and other people provide it for a monetary exchange. The deeper question that needs to be asked is: what is missing from a person's life that prompts them to be willing to buy or sell sex?

The real answer comes when we realize the divine purpose intrinsic within human sexuality, its divine blueprint if you will. Ultimately, sex is meant to be the culmination of our creative potential as human beings. The unity between two beings has the potential to create new life as well as allowing those two beings to experience unity together.

Think about the best sex you have ever experienced, as part of a rather arousing thought experiment. What were the qualities of that experience? We can think of the sensations, the emotional connection, the climax and so on. What really makes sex great is the ability to lose yourself in the experience of another, and have the other lose themselves in their experience of you.

Having been someone that has run the gauntlet of promiscuous behavior in my younger years, I can say with confidence and certainty that whatever pleasures I may have derived from that lifestyle do not hold a candle to the profound joy of true loving intimacy my wife and I now share. Our experience depends with time as long as we both remain committed to ourselves and each other along the way.

The difference in the two lifestyles is like comparing endless seeking to endless finding. Being promiscuous can basically mean that we are seeking an experience with someone outside of ourselves to feel better about who we are. Being with one person exclusively allows us to cultivate true sexual intimacy (into me see) which helps us deepen a loving relationship with ourselves and with the universe as a whole.

The work it takes to fully commit to someone and not be distracted by the temptations of others is not a popular idea right now, and yet it is a deep value that has allowed for strong partnerships and strong families to flourish in many past societies.

Being promiscuous is like running around at a buffet sampling many dishes but never truly enjoying a meal. Enjoying sexual intimacy with one partner helps us to really savor every taste and texture of that person and get to know them over time. A culture of instant gratification suggests that we have to take advantage of whatever sexual opportunities present themselves, much like the idea of eating whatever food happens to be available at the time we are hungry.

Of course, it is true that we may have to "kiss a few frogs before we find our prince(ss)." The important thing is to be able to recognize when we have finally found the one and to reserve our kisses for only our beloved from that time onward.