If You Watch Porn, Are You Cheating?

Whilst researching for article ideas, spanning the most far-fetched technological news of the day to sexual tales on tiny message boards, I found one intriguing title, “Is Pornography Adultery?” Normally, I’d skip right past such seemingly-clickbait titles, dismissing it as another extremists attempt at internet viral fame and controversy, but this was different. It was a genuine intrigue, a genuine exploration of the belief that viewing pornography in a relationship, without the consent or knowledge of your partner, constitutes as cheating.

Normally I’d pounce on my answer straight away – hell no. But it turns out, legally; things can get a little blurred. Of course, the debate will always boil down to individual perception, perhaps influenced by legal standing or moral standing – I mean, I’m pretty sure we all have an opinion on this. Whilst the majority of the public don’t believe that watching porn counts as cheating, it only takes one super-conservative judge to disagree. One famous court case followed a couple during their divorce – which they expressed very clearly that they wanted it to be made very public, so the media pounced on it. I’ll talk a little more about this case later on in this article.

So the debate opens up, what actually defines cheating? Well, you can take a lot of definitions to clarify that. The Oxford Dictionary states “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage”. Does porn count as an advantage – the sexual gratification through ones self-masturbation? Does it still count as ‘dishonest’ if you don’t mention porn to your partner? Personally, I find this definition the vaguest, allowing for complete inference to make way. There really isn’t a right interpretation, instead only allowing for the most ‘situationally relevant’ one – after all, this one definition has to span ever use of the word “cheating”, from cheating on an exam to cheating on a spouse.

The Urban Dictionary – the staple point for internet definitions and slang, on the other hand, suggests cheating is “When one person has a significant other (partner) and performs any type of intimate acts with another person”. Yet again, more questions; does jacking off over a female (or male) adult entertainer count as ‘intimate’? Does it only count if it’s physical contact, because surely if you have Skype-sex, that counts too?

As you can see, definitions themselves really don’t clear up a lot – so I took to the public to find out their opinions on whether watching porn, without your partner knowing, is cheating and if not – what the hell it really counts as? The internet came out (pardon the pun) in force for this.

After posting a poll on Twitter, 79% of those who voted chose “no – it does not count as cheating”, compared to the 21% who voted “yes – it is cheating”. To further these results, I manually asked 50 of my friends chosen on a random ‘scroll-and-blind-choose’ basis, to remove the chances of bias, and ask them the exact same question. Out of all those that responded, 62% said they did not believe it was cheating, 10.6% said that they thought it counted as cheating and 11 people either didn’t respond, or sent a gif-response depicting laughter.

Really no surprises there, at all. As shown by my quick poll, the majority of people do not believe that watching porn, without your partner knowing, counts as cheating on them. Interestingly, a small amount of people did, but chose not to speak up about their decision, instead remaining anonymous. I think that epitomizes a lot of those opposed to it, though, as to some it still remains quite a big taboo; perhaps for religious reasons, or for moral reasons, or maybe because their mom can see their Twitter timeline. Either way, there’s massive support for pornography in modern day society, namely due to the massive rise of accessible pornography online, but also growing secularization. Religions are, in a sweeping statement, largely against the viewing of pornography and believe that sexuality should only be explored with your married partner. As secularization (the decrease in religious followers in a country) rises, these ideologies fall and are instead replaced with the millennials “yay, porn!” attitude of indulgence.

So, back onto that famous case I briefly touched upon before. It was defined as ‘Brinkley’ Vs ‘Cook’, where Christie Brinkley accused her husband of spending up to $3000 a month on porn websites, whilst also posting his own nude photos online, creating some beautifully awkward usernames (WannaSeeAll and HappyLaddie2002 were some of my favourites) and even videoing himself masturbating to post on a porn website. As said before, this case was made very public, as though Peter Cook had no shame to lose. Coupled with the fact he fucked his 18-year old assistant, it’s clear to see why Brinkley separated from him, however her main point stemmed all from the porn – does that make it worse? Deeper still, did his obsessive porn watching lead up to his real-life cheating, a culmination of sexual desires and temptation, or are the two wholly separated? Evidently, the courts ruled in the favour of Brinkley and allowed the legal divorce of the celebrity couple, however it’s unsure if a legal precedence was established.

A number of studies have been recorded showing that over 50% of all divorces in America, each year, have factors clearly mentioning porn as one of the factors behind decision-making. A further study found that up to 66% of marriages end as a result of an obsession with porn. If these statistics are true, that means more than 500,000 Americans are divorcing and naming porn as the culprit. That’s 54 divorces every hour in the year, because of a bit of “extended time in the toilet”. So whilst I think you should be transparent about watching porn with your partner, as you should be transparent with anything, I don’t believe it counts as cheating. Sure, they may feel inadequate or useless in comparison, but that creates the conversation on why transparency in a relationship is only constructive and only healthy. It allows for the development of open and safe discussion that will, in most cases, bring you both together. So stop taking “long showers” or “falling asleep and forgetting to reply on messenger” and maybe explore what they like too – who knows, you may be totally into the same freaky shit to masturbate over.

So, where do you stand n the debate? If your partner behind your back, would that be a pot of gold at the end of your sexual rainbow, or would it be a path that should never have been crossed?