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How to Have Sex in Public Part 2- Getting Wood in the Woods

The thrill seeker's guide to doing it away from the bedroom and an erotic story along the way

Bonking in the great outdoors. Banging when people are nearby. Welcome to the second part of my little series that guides all you would-be "public invaders" through the ropes cordoning off the outside world. If you missed out on part 1 where I covered banging on the beach, never fear, take a look here:

Sex should be fun and the world (within reason!) your playground. Why not? Many people don't know where to start and what to be wary of. For some, it's the ultimate taboo that they fantasise about but wouldn't risk. I'm here to tell you it's possible. Secrecy is possible. And it's really very thrilling. I can only speak from my own experience. But of course, as with all the articles in this series, use your own common sense and discretion, and do what you feel comfortable with, preferably with someone you trust. I can give my advice. But it's up to you and your responsibility what you decide to do.

So the woods. Why do people love doing it there? Well for one thing there's more places to find coverage and it's such an extra-sensory experience. You feel so in touch with nature, animalistic, like you're returning to your roots and acting on your instincts. It's one of my favourite places. Can you hear the chimes signalling a flashback?

I'm walking with his hand firmly grasping mine. I'm in a purple skirt, with a bright, angelic jumper. Not exactly blending into the foliage. We walk down further and further. The road is empty and flanked on either side by fields and curious horses who seem to salute us as we pass them by. The sky is peppered with cloud but bright and promising. We walk down the path to an area flanked by trees, and then even further, past the trailer homes. Now the path ends. The road is surrounded by cool green and fragrant soil. Mud and forgotten leaves. You have to be cautious of any oncoming cars but it's quiet enough. There's a random stile stepping over an abandoned bit of wooden fence on one side. But the fence on either side of it is gone and it's easier to walk around it, up the shallow, dirt slope and into the shadowed but airy embrace of foliage.

The path through the leaves is clear and wide. People have run through here. Maybe even ridden a bike though the path is perhaps a bit too bumpy for that. Rocks and fallen branches pepper it. But no one's here today. I here a distant knocking and start. Just a woodpecker somewhere over there. Birdsong making the air feel sharp, clean and alive. A rustle in the leaves, somewhere in the undergrowth. But no one around. An animal not interested in our adventure. I feel the excitement building. We stop in a clearing and he stops to stand behind me, his hands entwining around my waist, his head by mine. Cheek brushing my cheek. His warm breath touching my neck. The heat falls below my waist.

I grip his wrists and start moving forward again, feeling the hardness at my back. In the centre of the clearing we've reached there's a large oak tree with a tire hanging from it on a rope. I step into the tire, laughing wildly as he pushes me but I'm stalling. I clamber back down to Earth. It's too open here. We keep following the path. There's a fallen trunk nearby and I spot some space between two intersecting branches. We leave the path and walk a little deeper, the fallen leaves scrunching damply with our steps. We find a deeper gap behind a fallen branch, next to a tree trunk hidden by the glossy leaves of a larger bush. We are hidden from sight but not far from the main footpath.

I face the trunk and look over my shoulder at him coyly. I hear a sharp intake of breath as he pulls down my tights and thong. The weather is mild. It's not sunny but it's fresh, there is some blue in the sky. He begins to kiss my lips and neck as he caresses me from behind. I feel my excitement building and I'm ready for him. He's large. When he slides into me, I'm filled up to my limit and cry out quietly. He begins to gyrate rhythmically and my pleasure climbs into ecstasy as I look up into the sky. I'm looking up the trunk of this tree like it's a running track. I can see the upper branches and those of its neighbours swaying in the breeze. Wind through the branches has never been so loud in such a quiet place.

The smell of the damp foliage, the rough texture of the bark at my fingertips is truly intoxicating. I feel alive, free and completely natural. Our breathing continues to climb in waves of pleasure and sensory overload. I sense he's close to finish as he kisses me deeply with my body turned slightly as he continues to merge with me. He reaches his climax and swings out towards the fallen tree trunk. It looks completely natural. Like it had been dropped by some animal and we laugh into each other's arms at how he's "marked his territory."

As we trudge back cautiously, we spot some people following another footpath 2 or 3 metres away. We laugh with relief and shared secrets...

So as you can gather from my own experience, making love in the woods is one of the cleaner, more sensually invigorating ways to get it on outside. What can we learn from it? What advice can you, dear reader, take away?

Trees are great props

Having the tree to lean against made all the difference in comfort when doing the deed in the woods. Standing doggy works very effectively and being able to look up into the canopy makes for a great and immersive view. It also means that no matter what you're wearing it's comfortably done whilst also adding that element of touch and texture.

What also works well is being lifted up facing your partner with your back leaning against the tree to support you so that your partner doesn't take all your weight. This even counts in terms of keeping your balance when one leg is raised up by your partner and doing it standing. But with this move, unlike the previous, a skirt or dress without tights is the easiest option. This naturally works better for the summer time. It is possible to get away with trousers but your partner has to be able to lean you against the tree with both your legs over their shoulders and the trousers pulled down.

Arguably you could simply derobe your lower half, but remember... this is in public! Quick dressing and get-away are kind of essential for not getting caught. There are those of you who want to get caught, of course. But I, like most, are certainly not one of them.

The woods also provide the best coverage.

It's as camouflaged as you can get really. This is the one public space where you can hide in plain sight. Hanging tree branches, behind bushes, using foliage. You get the picture. The more dense the woodland the easier it is to hide yourself.

It helps if you know the area.

Knowing the paths and vaguely where secluded spots might be as well as how often they're visited can really make all the difference. I recall reaching some woodland with an ex, but he didn't particularly know the area well and was completely on edge. Doing the deed was then rushed, less an act of passion and more like a chore that had to be completed last minute. Tension is good but it needs to be balanced with the ability to relax and lose yourself in the moment.

Leaves, bark and how to dress

Let's face it. This terrain is hardly made for delicate dressing. Wear what's comfortable and you can move freely in. Wear shoes you don't mind getting muddy and plastered with leaves. In summer, long dresses are a great option. 

Certainly I've gone against this rule many a time but darker, earthy colours are less noticeable and less likely to stand out for a random passerby.

Planning and spontaneity

Whilst spontaneity always makes the outside spicy and part of the logic is you simply cannot wait to reach the bedroom you so must do it here and now, for the woods, planning helps. The woods, unlike parks, beaches, public restrooms etc. are a place you can rather easily get lost in.

It helps to plan to have enough time to get home before it gets dark or just as it's getting light outside. It helps as before to have a vague idea of where to go and where to come back. Plus you're hardly going to be thinking your clearest in the midst of lust are you?

Safety

Something to keep in mind, which should also be kept in mind for the beach and other public places but especially in this one.

I really wouldn't recommend doing this with someone on a first meeting or someone you don't know very well. This is the least "public" of all the rendezvous in this series. Don't want to dampen the mood but safety is paramount. If something goes wrong, it's less likely that in this location people will hear you and far easier for you to get lost if you do need to escape. As with all dates, make sure friends and family know where you are.

So that's my round up of getting wood in the woods.

I hope you enjoyed reading that! I'm always deeply grateful for any support you can give to keep these articles rolling. Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you have any requests. I would love to hear your thoughts.

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