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I've suffered with some self-esteem issues, too. My hair was never quite long enough, my skin didn't seem soft enough, my stomach wasn't flat enough, and I was never happy enough.
I didn't ever feel confident, I wasn't Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie, so how could I be? How was anyone supposed to find me sexy?
For a long time, I felt confused, depressed, and unsatisfied with the way that I looked and the way that I felt. I didn't feel sexy. I didn't even feel attractive. I certainly couldn't compare to anyone on TV.
A pretty depressing story, so far isn't it? So, how did I find the sexy goddess within?
I took a huge step out of my comfort zone. I decided to visit a sex club. And no, that isn't the secret.
It was intoxicating.
My nerves were suffocating to begin with. I wasn't a super model. I had curves, sure, but they weren't necessarily all in the right places. The scariest steps that night, those were the ones leading to the front door.
Once I'd entered the club, I had an epiphany.
The truth was, the people in this club were just people, too. Prior to turning up that evening, they had all showered, shaved, and moisturised. They had all brushed their hair (and hopefully their teeth, too).
They were all like me: Looking for excitement, sex, and the ability to connect for a while.
In truth, the atmosphere was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Women were walking around in underwear, sexy dresses or naked, and the men were dressed smart—they could wear less if they chose to.
It wasn't creepy, and I didn't feel uncomfortable, no one touched me without prior consent and the word "no" was strictly adhered to. I felt safe in that seductive environment and I began to relax.
Surrounded by all kinds of men and women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds, I felt empowered. I felt in control, and I also felt sexy.
Just a step away from the main bar area were the "playrooms,"—rooms where couples, threesomes, or groups could engage in whatever turned them on.
I didn't participate that first time, but lots of people enjoyed having their audience and it was interesting to watch real people enjoy sex their way.
I read something recently, and it really rung true: "Nobody is self-conscious at the point of orgasm." The book I'm quoting is fairly old now, but that quote is still as true today as it was the day that it was written.
Experiencing people having fun and engaging in sex was eye-opening.
Every flaw was out there for anyone to see, but no one cared! We were all too turned on to notice those stretch marks or the size of her waist!
Caught up in the sexual energy and the ecstasy in each sensation, she didn't care either. The man touching her certainly wasn't being critical! Everything felt too good.
My conclusions were that, perhaps, we are all just our own worst critics. We're definitely hyper-aware of the things we don't like about ourselves.
The people who see us naked are rarely judging us; they are too caught up in their own insecurities or their own experience to think for a second about the marks on our bodies!
The sexiest you is the bravest you, the most confident version of yourself. If you want to feel sexy, do something to make yourself feel sexy! Paint your nails, take a hot, candle-lit bath, and ease yourself into something silky or lacy.
Sexy isn't a way of being. It is a mindset. And you, lovely, are sexy! There is no wrong way to have a body!