How to Be Sex Positive

In order to carry out a sex positive action, we must develop a sex positive vision.

When you hear "sex ­positive," the first thing you might think is, "I am positively into having sex." Yes, this might be one of the many definitions of this very ambiguous, yet totally straightforward term. There is an entire sex-positive movement that encourages an organic attitude towards human sexuality and all of its nuances. More than just an ideaology or a vision, sex positive means action. It encourages sexual experimentation within the bounds of mutual consent. It advocates sex education and a healthier attitude towards communication regarding sex. And it concentrates on sex ­positivity, which encourages the principles that all sexual activity is healthy and pleasurable. On the other hand, the movement also promotes the belief that if you aren’t in the mood, that is ok too. Whatever works for you and makes you happy. Positive is as positive does, in regards to sex or anything else in life. 

Let us take a look at the other definitions and how they relate to our opinions of sex and being positive and just plain old being sex positive. Sexuality is a very subjective thing so to put parameters around it is quite the interesting human experiment.

Defining Sex Positive

According to the Urban Dictionary, the term Sex Positive means, "An approach to sex and human sexuality that embraces the full benefits of sexual interaction as healthy and uplifting, based on the premise that sexual expression is good and healthy and that societal repression or control of the individual’s sex ­drive is bad and unhealthy." What this is basically saying is that freedom of sexual expression is healthy and lends it itself to healthy sexual relationships and conversation, whereas making sex a bad word and not feeling free to discuss it in a nonjudgmental environment lends itself to sexual repression and creates inhibitions that forbid one from experiencing the joys of sexual expression.

A simpler, dictionary.com definition is, "Pertaining to being comfortable with one’s own sexuality and with sexuality in general." That is the way to go. Embrace it, be positive about it and it will be good for you.

Here are some ways to integrate being sex positive into your life, your bedroom, or wherever you choose to because that is what it is all about. Being fluid, accepting and open to a realm of possibilities.

Make Your Sex Life Yours

How many times do you have sex with your partner? Every night? Every week? Once a year? That is totally up to you. Being sex positive means that you aren’t required to define how much sex is enough for you, and that only you can define that. If a weekly date night and a sleepover makes you and your partner happy, that is fantastic. If you and your partner can’t get enough of each other and need a quickie in the back of a restaurant coat room, that is also wonderful. Has being married taken a toll on the frequency? Then it is up to both of you to determine what needs to change. As long as the consent is there and the communication about your needs is a top priority, there is nothing wrong with how much or how little sex you are having. Quantity versus quality has no place in being sex positive, unless you want it to have one.

Take Control of your Sexuality

With the whole 50 Shades of Grey series came an entirely new way for housewives to explore their inner sexual wants and needs. But just because your neighbor is into whips and blindfolds doesn’t mean her way is wrong and your way is right. Sex positive allows you to explore your own sexual desires and if you have a consenting partner, even better. There is a whole world of fetishes out there and if you choose to explore that, it is perfectly healthy, within the bounds of safety, of course. Exploring your needs leads to a more satisfying sex life and that is all positive.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby...Or Not

Some people like to go on and on about their sexual exploits. That is perfectly acceptable if the people listening to them want to hear about it. Sometimes, it is even a good thing to share stories because if you are sex positive, you are always looking for ways to improve your relationships. Being able to communicate in a nonjudgmental space helps to further your understanding of sexual intimacy and ways to expound on that concept. But if you see your crowd is not so hip on what you are saying, that is ok and it is important to learn where and when it is best to talk about sex. Sex education is an important first step in getting young adults to be sex positive. If they live in a very restrictive home with overpowering boundaries, school is the place where they are able to ask questions and gain valuable information. This can protect them from unwanted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. It is important for the educator to let the students know that should feel free to ask as many questions as they are comfortable with within the realms of the syllabus. Kids are still kids so boundaries are still important, but they should never feel ashamed or restricted in what they can discuss.

What Goes on in the Bedroom, Stays in the Bedroom...Or Not

Are you not having sex anymore and you are happy about it? That is being sex positive because that is defining what works for you. If not being sexual is your thing, that is ok. If being a nymphomaniac is your thing, good for you. It all works because it is what is making you happy. You aren’t not having sex because you learned in parochial school that sex is bad, you aren’t having sex because you don’t want to have sex. The sex positive movement is a big proponent of a healthy attitude towards sexual expression, whatever they may be. If you are just not that into it, that is your choice.

Porn Stars are People Like You and Me

Wouldn’t it be nice if working in the porn industry was just as acceptable as working in the post office? Because there is so much history of repression when it comes to sex, pornography has always been a taboo subject. There are movements of people whose goal it is to make porn just as commonplace as everything else. Of course, this isn’t for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be. If you have chosen a career path that allows you to have sex on camera and help others live out their fantasies, then kudos to you. This is all a part of sex positivity. Individuals shouldn’t be shamed for the lifestyle choices that make them happy, that is not positive at all. Sex positive encourages people to live out their dreams and proclivities. You aren’t hurting anyone else when it only involves you and other consenting individuals. In a repressed society, so many things are frowned upon and this only leads to more repression and unhappiness. Being sex positive is a way to help society become more open and accepting of human sexuality and the good things that come from it.

Bea Norton
Bea Norton

Bea is a sex therapist and writer from the UK who believes any couple can have an amazing sex life if they just look past all of the things that annoy them.

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How to Be Sex Positive