We are a species that has never been exactly "shy" about our relationship with pleasure. Most everything we do is in the name of our personal satisfaction, self-evolvement, and what makes us feel most alive at any given moment. So why do we sometimes get shy about asking for exactly what we want in the bedroom?
As the dominant species on this planet, it's not hard to believe that we are extremely and unapologetically sexual in nature. We think about sex with people we don't know, people we know closely, fantasizing, touching ourselves, and playing out little scenarios constantly. People like to argue this is moreso the mental wave-length for men, but women think about it JUST as much. And any woman who tells you differently is lying.
So why wouldn't we want to have the dirtiest experience possible with our partners and reach that state of connectedness that can only come from bringing complete ecstasy to your partner? We all should expect this kind of earth-shattering experience from all of our sexual encounters, yet sometimes we're left settling for a half-assed fuck (pardon any puns) and lie in bed completely unsatisfied by the finale.
Whether with a new partner or a long-term lover, there is absolutely no reason to be shy, embarrassed, or quiet about asking for what you need in the bedroom. Pleasure is the most worthy prize of being demanded and we have no reason to feel undeserving of that demand. Orgasms are good for mental clarity, heart health, confidence, and a zillion other things I don't feel like researching right now. But I know this: you need more of them.
As incredibly skilled and sexual creatures who cannot read minds, it is crucial to be vocal with your partner about exactly what you need at that given moment. You could be having two separate experiences but by allowing the communications to be raunchy, dirty, and, above all else, honest, you will be doing yourself (and your libido) a much-deserved favor.
One thing that gets me off is being submissive. I like for my lover to hold me down, bend me over, and slap my ass as hard as he can. I also love choking, hair-pulling, and am very intrigued by bondage. I used to be shy about asking for what I wanted, but now I realize that as the woman, I can be in complete control if I so desire. I control the pace, I tell him fuck me faster, harder, slower, spank me, choke me, really whatever I'm craving at that time.
And I promise you ladies, he will not be able to say no to you.
Now, this is just my specific, raunchy, and qualitatively-rough cup of tea, but it certainly doesn't have to match your unique sexual flavor.
I'm not shy about these things anymore because I think that pleasure is a silly thing to be shy about. It's much more fun to tease them, even holding them off from cumming and telling them, "You're not allowed to cum until I do." Control isn't just about running shit in the sheets, it's about feeling empowered to say what you want, and give your body just that.
And if he climaxes early, don't sacrifice your orgasm just because he was having a fabulous time. No more reaching O's in your apartment alone after he's left happy as a camper. Own that you both are here together and both of your climaxes are priority.
Have him touch you, hold you down, look you in the eyes and bring you to that place too. It's about the experience the two of you are sharing intimately. There's no room for thoughts, self, worries, ego, or anxiety in the bedroom. It's a place to lose your sense of self and focus solely on your pleasure, escaping your mind, and what your body is harmoniously in tune with.
The point is really to be secure enough in what you like to ask for. To not hide your pleasure centers and to know that both of your climaxes are equally important. So get into the bedroom and get demanding! Your partner, body, and pleasure-centers will thank you in an undeniably, soul- ravishing way.