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Divorce sucks, plain and simple. Like any loss in life, divorce is something no new couple likes to think about, consider, or even anticipate. Just imagine that at the start of your marriage you said, “I can’t wait to marry this man and then divorce him 10 years later.” Unfortunately, though, regardless of all the good years and celebrations, some marriages do not survive. While this is sad, sometimes the commitment between two people is better off broken than being forced together.
The actual process of getting a divorce can be a dragged out affair. Okay, I’m trying to be nice. Truthfully, in many cases, it is a gut-wrenching nightmare, but like all storms, eventually the sky always clears. One day you will feel human again, one day you will feel hope for your future, and one day you will even crave love again, both physically and emotionally.
The desires to be touched and loved by another are not feelings that can stay dormant forever. Sooner or later, your craving for intimacy will be so powerful, there will be no further way of denying it. Thoughts of fear, doubt, and insecurity are the initial reaction for most but then there are others that simply cannot wait to dive into this sexually unknown territory. Sex after divorce doesn’t have to be a terrifying experience—in fact, for many women, it can be life altering. Instead of fear or new feelings of doubt, it will bring about a sense of new-found confidence and sexuality. The once inactive libido might just come out of hiding, screaming for attention and satisfaction. Either response is perfectly normal but it’s how you handle it that matters most. While I can’t give you a step-by-step guide on how to get back into the dating or even sex game, I can offer some pointers that every divorcee should know.
Step 1: Masturbate
Diving right into the sex pool may not be high on your agenda at first. However, it doesn’t matter. If you’re divorced, widowed, or single, sex toys are always a guaranteed good time. Don't stop orgasming. Masturbate at nearly two times the rate you were having sex when you were married or in a relationship. Not only can a little guilt-free fantasy be exciting, but now that you’re single, you no longer have to be so discreet. So remember, a little self-pleasuring is great for your body, mind, and soul. Plus, it will ultimately help take the edge off until you get back in the sack with a real man.
Step 2: Indulgence
You should make sure you are doing something for you. After a divorce or even a breakup, the need for change is often an immediate reaction. From a new hairstyle to a new wardrobe, if there was any time in your life to indulge, it is now. The first step out the door may be the hardest, so make sure you are looking and feeling your best. Don’t stop at a new haircut and a pair of boots either. Spoil yourself with some new sexy stuff as well! Chuck those old undies and splurge on an entirely new collection of panties and even some sexy red lingerie. Let ill-fitting bras, saggy jeans, and dusty sneakers be replaced with the finest lace, best fitting, and hottest options out there. I am not suggesting you change into someone you are not, I am simply recommending the exploration of the new woman you are today. Your taste, style, and body, are no longer what they were 10 years ago (for better or worse), so allow yourself to discover the new options that await you. A little makeover and closet clean-out can go a long way in the confidence department.
Step 3: Introspection
Once you start to get yourself on the right track, start to consider what you are looking for. Time for a little introspection. What are your expectations and intentions in the single world? Are you looking to meet new people on a friendship level? Are you interested in dating? Are you open to online dating? Does the thought of a new relationship make you want to barf, therefore all you want to do is have fun, flirt, and possibly hook up? All of these paths are completely okay and if you change your mind rather quickly, that is okay as well. However, having this conversation with yourself and friends allows you to feel confident in what you want before stepping foot into the land of the unknown. Remember, at this point in your life, you've been given a second chance at happiness so have fun with it!
Step 4: Let Go
One of the best ways to start off on the right foot is to entrust your mission in the hands of good friends. Let go of inhibitions and take risk. Whether it is just to listen to your confessions, or for them to give you that push to get out there and have fun, having a few trustworthy girlfriends is vital. Regardless if most of them are married or moms, every woman needs a night out every now and then and what better way to get the fun ball rolling than with help from a sister from another mister.
Step 5: Stay Positive
I should mention that often when you have sex for the first time after a divorce, it may be terrible. Not to panic you, but 7 out of 10 women have confessed that their first sexual encounter post-divorce was awkward and terrifying. Much like the time you lost your virginity, you shouldn’t expect too much the first time. Questions of self-doubt will cross your mind like, “Will he like the same thing my husband liked?”, “Can he see my stretch marks?”, and “Do I even know what to do anymore?” Just try to remember sex is sex, stay positive and you will be surprised at how effortlessly your body will respond. Once you get past all the worrying, you may come to find that sex with a different man is the best thing since wine and cheese. Plus, if you relax yourself enough, you may just get the orgasmic relief you’ve been wishing for.
But just because you’re having fun, it doesn’t mean you should stop using protection. You might be older and wiser now but that doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant or catch an STD. So be smart and talk to your doctor about birth control options, as there may be more on the market now compared to what was available before you got married. Lastly, always have a condom or two. Sleeping with someone new is scary enough, no reason to add more worry to your plate.
Nonetheless, once you start getting comfortable, you will realize that sex really does get better with age. While the first romp may be a bit scary, you should try to focus on the positives. How is it better? Well for starters, you’ve been having sex for many years now, so you know what you like. You know how a man can make you orgasm and how he can’t. You are aware of what positions make you look good and feel better. You may also be open to trying new things. Think of your experience and age as a positive. Why do you think so many young men love older women? Because women grow more confident as they age, know what they like and aren't afraid to tell men what they want.