Averianna Wilson-Turner
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Friends with Benefits

'The Girlfriend Experience'—Opinions and Experiences

I already know what you're thinking, "Another girl who couldn't handle something she committed to." I honestly wish that were the case. I wish that I was so shitty at handling things because I promise you it would be a lot easier to deal with what I have been feeling lately. Problem is, I handle things so well that I forget to take care of myself in the process. I have been in my fair share of friends with benefits relationships and usually things turn out decently aside from the relationship ending due to mostly irreconcilable differences. Nothing too dramatic, relocation or just circumstances of life really. I say irreconcilable differences because things usually occur that keep the promise of keeping in touch a failure and the friendship goes out of the window. 

I'm just speaking from what I've experienced and basing everything off of what I think and feel. I'd love to hear your opinions and feedback and I'll get to that later. Now for the point of all this. When you think of the girlfriend something that immediately comes to your mind is likely in relation to the hit Starz TV program. You know, the gorgeous women who get paid to provide established and successful men an intimate encounter that resembles what one would have with a wife or a girlfriend. Soft and endless kissing, wine or champagne, chocolates, and all the tantalizing foreplay before the collision of two hot and heavy souls. At least, I hope that's the experience we're all looking for. A regular Valentine's Day vibe am I right? Well, that's not what I am referring to. I'm not used to writing for anyone so if I jump around please don't crucify me. I'm trying to discuss my feelings by getting to each point with a tad bit of introduction and closing each one up with a tad bit of reasoning. 

I have a "friend" and he's....perfect, I mean sometimes. We've known each other for maybe two and a half years now. The sole purpose of when we met was simple: fuck my brains out and take me home. Textbook right? I mean it was, it was swell and pretty much a clean sweep. He was divorced and I was....well it's complicated and the specifics don't matter. So what's my deal now you are most definitely wondering. Well I'm freaking into him dammit. I mean this just crept up on me out of nowhere. One day, I couldn't wait to get home to my bed after a few hours in the sheets and the next day I was just totally content lying in his bed and running my fingers through his hair. So, think I spilled my guts and he whisked me off into the sunset? Of course not, shit got awkward for a while and we even stopped talking for like two months almost. 

You know I think men are 100 percent more sensitive than women. I mean guys getting out of a relationship and the immediately needing to drown themselves into a new and fresh vagina is almost unbearable. Women on the other hand, just need a few days to cry and be dramatic or in Taylor Swift's case, write a few top ten hits and then we're good for the most part. Now, everyone has their vices but I'm pretty confident my analysis is appropriate to say for a general census. That is what leads me to think most men are looking for The Girlfriend Experience when it comes to friends with benefits. Let me be clear that I'm not acknowledging the immature horn dogs who have multiple FWBs at any moment's notice. They just want to screw and leave. But for the mature men who have one steady friend that they exclusively see to partake in their physical activity, now those are the men I refer to. 

My "friend" and I have gotten to know one another on a decent level to where we can easily hold a conversation about our personal lives and current events. We can go to dinner or a show (he actually accompanied me to my first ever concert and we had a great time) and then go back to his place and screw like rabbits and then watch Netflix and drink beers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with all of this. I feel that if you're going to claim you are friends with benefits then you should truly be friends. To me that means hanging together outside of having sex occasionally (at least once a month in my opinion) and having real conversations, not the awkward space filler chats like you'd have on a first date that isn't going well. 

So what is the problem? Well, raise your hand if your FWB engages in long and seemingly romantic make out sessions with you. Or falls asleep in your arms, or kisses your forehead randomly every few minutes while you two are cuddled close in bed and watching TV. Does he pay for every meal or activity you both engage in together? I know both of my hands are up and maybe I'm overthinking this but friends don't do most of those things and if they do, they shouldn't. That leads me to believe that most men who are in these types of relationships crave the emotional and physical support of what you would have with a significant other but cringe away from the title and their side of the emotional support. "I don't want to give you anything serious, but could you suck my dick and then show me emotional compassion when I talk about my ex?" As soon as you get too close, it's very predictable of a man to immediately start to panic and distance himself from a woman. And if we distance ourselves, it becomes a debate about if our intentions were true or if we're seeing someone else. At least all of this is true for me but if you've never experienced any of these issues I'm bringing up, then I'm happy for you. 

I want to be clear that I am in no way attacking or degrading my "friend," as I've said before he is a great guy. He is smart, funny, talented, and so damn charming. Did I mention he's ahhhhhmazing in bed, I mean what more could I want you're probably wondering. I think being able to know that the person, who lately has been one of the main reasons you get excited or feel like yourself, shares your mutual feelings of interest isn't a bad way to go either. 

I don't feel like stating I am immature and can't handle my commitments is a fair statement by the way. That's for the many readers who were thinking it a few lines into this post. You can't help who you grow interest for and you can't deny the fact that it's nice to have someone steady to give you fireworks instead of a damn toy all the time. But I want to know what you think and I want to know your experiences. Follow my Twitter and let me know or email me. As always, thanks for reading and be the happiness you seek.

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