For You I Will - Chapter One

The love we shared was like straight out of fiction. I still wake up in the early hours of the morning, in a cold sweat, having dreamt of you. Your skin brushed up against mine and I was in heaven. Those are the best dreams, the ones where you're still here with me. It's the waking up that hits me like a ton of bricks. The sudden realization of your immediate absence. You've been away for so long now but every passing day is a constant reminder that life marches on. Life goes on without you whether I like it or not.

The First Night of the Rest of My Life:

I believe we found each other on purpose. While both stuck at a crossroads, each of us writhing in pain over a pathetically tragic curveball life had hit in our direction. We depended on the change, whatever it was.

You approached me that evening, acting as a savior. For months afterward I wasn't able to shake it. I was sinking and you picked me. You saved me. While you may see it that way, I did see you first.

The night had started out at the house where I had grown up. Kirsten was taking her nightly shower, Mother was out like a light. The child support checks had come in so her whiskey stash got replenished.

I figured it was as good a time as any to bolt. The two squawkers were in their bedroom watching Finding Nemo, and my overseers were indisposed. I had one sparsely packed bag to call my own. What a way to christen my eighteenth. Welcome to adulthood, Emery.

Kate was the only one who was around to see me go. I'd taught her how to fry an egg the week before so she'd been fascinated by the gift of independence. It was likely the only source of it she would ever find in that house.

"Are you leaving?"

Her eyes were big and sad, the way they often got after returning from a weekend at her dad's house with his new family.

"Yeah, I am." I couldn't lie to Kate.

It was hard to look at her. God forbid the thought, but it might've been the last time I ever see her. That wasn't how I wanted to remember her.

"Can I come too?"

It pulverized my heart to leave her there. Kate deserved to get out of there as much as I did. The other two... I loved all my sisters. Jess and Lea were just safer there than us. Mother had them completely under her spell. Kate was only 10 but she already sensed the wrongness. Stealing her away would most certainly blow my cover, seeing as how I'd be heading straight to prison.

"You have to stay here and look after Lea."

"Mom likes Lea the best. I don't think she needs looking after."

The kid knew more than she led on.

"I need you to stay here, Kate."

"I need you," she protested.

I held a finger up to hush her, my eyes filled with salty tears but I held it in. Kirsten was only a few rooms away; easily able to return, freshly bathed but still scaly skinned, at any moment.

"Kate, I will get you out of here. I'm 18 now. I swear I'll get you out of here. I just need to get out myself first."

My little sister's bottom lip trembled as I pulled her into me for a hug.

"Just keep to yourself. I'll get you out of here safe."

I turned away to grab the door handle, disappearing into the dusk city covered in streetlights.

At last, I was free. A fantasy I had played with in my mind for so long I couldn't pinpoint the time it had materialized. Now, all my dreams had come true. Only one question formed in my mind: where was I going? All those years locked away in that house, I'd been too busy worrying about the when, that the where and what had escaped me completely.

Summer saved me. It was still light enough to get from point A to point B. Wherever that may be, it had to be somewhat nearby. I needed to figure that out. It would be dark soon, I knew.

I faced reality. I'd just need to crash somewhere for the night and regroup in the morning. Impulsively, I walked down to the park. The inside of the slide was a bed if I used my imagination.

Across the street, the corner store was still lit up. 24 Hour Gas blinked the sign. I was hungry, starving actually. When was the last time I had something to eat? Days ago, probably. Kirsten was on another health kick. I chose to starve rather than follow her insane rules. Her rules were just one way she had of controlling me and I was sick of it.

I sauntered into the store trying to channel a vibe of a regular customer. My wallet was full of receipts and reminders from Kirsten. "Don't forget the bread this time, dumbass" and, "Love is for pussies, Emery. Don't be a jealous bitch."

You were in the aisle all the way back, browsing through wine bottles. Tied into a messy bun, your hair was up, sticking straight in the air at random points and you sported a pair of ratty sweats, a pink v-neck. I didn't know you yet but I thought you were beautiful.

My stomach growled, reminding me of the task at hand. I had never stolen anything before, it was morally beneath me. In that store that night, I guess I dropped my morals to survive. Once I pocketed a sandwich from the deli, I started for the door.

"Excuse me, are you going to pay for that?" The counter girl snapped her gum at me. It smelled of mint.

I thought I recognized her. She may have been in my art class a few years ago.

"I really don't feel like calling the cops tonight, dude. My baby daddy cheated on me again. I'm totally not in the mood."

Without warning, you showed up behind me. Clanging three bottles of wine down, you spoke without emotion. "Add it to my bill, Zoey."

Zoey Deckman, that's right. She got pregnant and dropped out in the middle of the third semester during my sophomore year.

I was so ashamed. Before exiting the store, I muttered a barely audible thanks.

I trekked down the street and hid in some bushes near the entrance of the park. I wanted to wait until you drove away. Imagine my surprise when you walked over and kicked gravel towards my vicinity.

"I know you're there." Your voice cracked. "I watched you from inside. You may as well show your face."

Slowly I made my way out of the bushes. I peered at your face in an attempt to read it. All I could see was that you hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in days, weeks possibly.

I'll always wonder what would've become of my life if I had just walked away from you at that point. Surrending right there and going back home. A life of blindly following Kirsten and Mother around. Boring but comfortable.

"Are you homeless, kid?" You practically spat the words out at me.

It was easy to tell you weren't terribly enthusiastic about me.

I suppose I did look like a dirty street kid. Kirsten was incapable of lifting a finger which left me to complete the majority of the household chores, I'd been cleaning most of the day. My clothes were slightly torn, barely fit, and reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke because of where I had previously lived.

I'd gotten a job bagging groceries at the market near the house but most of my paycheck went to my mother's drinking habit. Whatever was left was given to Kirsten to support her junk food addiction. She was as skinny as a rail but she was a binge eater. She'd only do it behind closed doors. Chips, donuts, anything she could get her greedy hands on. I was expected to foot the bill.

"Nah," I said despite myself.

Guessing by the way you were studying me, you didn't believe me.

"Your mama throw you out for kissing girls?"

I caught your stare, eyeing the rainbow "Pride!" bracelet that adorned my left wrist.

"No." I snapped.

God, I wish it were that simple.

You huffed impatiently. "You need a ride to a shelter or something? I don't have all night."

I shook my long bangs out of my eyes. "I'm fine, thanks though. Goodnight."

I let my last words hang in the air and I took off down the street. I'd head over to the market and spend the night in the grass. Then in the morning, I would figure something out.

Just a few blocks away from my destination, I saw headlights. You slowed down and pulled over next to me.

"Are you even legally allowed out this late? I don't feel right about leaving you here alone. There's all kinds of rapists and murderers around."

"Are you one of them?" I retorted. "I'm 18, thanks. I can handle myself."

I didn't know want your game was. Undercover cop? An actual murderer? I watched the ID channel, I didn't know what to expect from anyone.

"Get in the car. You're going to freeze your ass off." You were so to the point. "It's supposed to rain later."

"If I do, you're not going to hack me to pieces and save the remains in your freezer, are you?"

Not skipping a beat, you pursed your lips. "I won't if you don't want me to."

You unlocked the passenger side door before I had a chance to respond.

"Get in here, would you? I have a lot of wine to drink."

I opened the door, following instructions without another thought. After getting situated, I looked over at you.

"Thanks for the ride."

"You wanna stay with me for a while?"

It took me a moment to realize you weren't kidding.

"We're perfect strangers." I pointed out, stuttering the words.

You shrugged. "If I thought you were going to hack me to pieces and save the remains in your freezer, I wouldn't have invited you into my car."

I just stared at you. It was a little unsettling to do because your beauty was overwhelming. Why would a person like you want a person like me? I'm so ordinary looking. Kirsten let me be sure I was aware of that. Daily I heard, "You'd be so much prettier if you just wore braces" or, "If you really loved me you'd just start working out regularly."

"It's a yes or no answer." Your voice jolted me back into reality. "You're nice looking. We could have some fun. You ARE 18, right?"

Breathlessly I nodded. "Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I'm 18 and yes, I want to stay."

"Good."

You pressed your fingers into the side of my face as you leaned in, kissing my mouth hard. I flinched when you took your other hand to trail it over my crotch, fishing inside my pants and then grinding your palm into my panty-clad clitoris.

"First thing's first, girly. You've got to learn to listen better. I know you've got it in you."

With that, you reached over and pushed the seat back, climbed on top of me, and the rest was a blur of pleasure.