Follow Your Orgasm Destiny

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for many years and have been on many different prescription medications as well. The medications made me feel “normal,” for a time… until they didn’t anymore, and I had to find another prescription that would give me that normalcy again.

I felt like I was always looking for the next medicine that would do the trick. It didn’t help that I was single and working a high-stress job that had me working all hours of the day and night. Being a millennial, it’s almost part of our description: codependent on prescription meds. So, there were constantly tons of recommendations from friends and friends of friends about which antidepressants they were taking and which ones I should try.

A plethora of antidepressants later, I figured out which one I was highly allergic to (Wellbutrin), the one that turned me into a zombie (Lexapro), the one that had the worst withdrawal symptoms if I ever missed a day (Effexor), and finally, the one that worked pretty well (Zoloft). This has suddenly become a season of Friends, "The One Where I Found the Right Antidepressant." That would be a title of an episode had millennials been writing the scripts.

I wanted to find another way to fight my depression aside from the medicines. I didn’t want to be on antidepressants my whole life. Luckily, a friend had a Pure Romance party where I bought my first vibrator since college. RIP Captain. This was a game changer. I blocked off an hour for myself the day my new toy came in and got to work. It was pure bliss. I felt like just one orgasm had taken the edge off, and by the third one, I was a pile of happy goo. From that day, I had frequent visits with my vibrator to keep my stress down. It became my “break glass in case of emergency” vibrator.

I’m a big believer in orgasms: orgasms you give to yourself, and orgasms from your partner. We are so lucky to live in a time where there are so many companies that specialize in sex toys. Sex toys for you, sex toys for him, sex toys for couples. I have this lovely daydream that Oprah will give out sex toys to her audience members instead of cars next time. “You get a toy! You get a toy!” Follow your orgasm bliss!

It was like I had forgotten that I didn’t need a partner to orgasm. I can do that all by myself, thank you. No more chasing dick on Tinder or Bumble, which became exhausting and disappointing. Disappointing because at the end of the night, I always realize that I should have stayed home, not added another name to my list, and just had a quick visit with my Vibrator of the Month. I was in control of my own orgasm's destiny.

Now, it’s been several years since my major discovery, as well as more partners on the proverbial bedpost, and vibrators have come and gone (See what I did there?). I have a steady partner and the difference is incredible. Apparently, sex and orgasms almost daily are the cure to my depression. Maybe it’s just constantly being in a contented state that makes such a difference. Or maybe it’s the constant release of all those endorphins. Either way, it’s really working for me.

It’s taken almost seven years, but I am off all my prescription medicines. I still take supplements and vitamins, when I remember, but no more antidepressants with nasty side effects or awful withdrawals. I’m finally at a place where I don’t need them. I just need many orgasms.

I think that if more people were having orgasms, there’d be a lot less conflict. I’d hope there would be more parades and parties. I’m positive that’s why Donald Trump and his mob of followers are so angry all the time. They’re probably not getting any, but I think that’s obvious and a topic for another day.