Flirting Guide for Men

They say it takes less than a minute for a woman to decide whether she'd be willing to sleep with you. This unwritten rule requires further analysis—especially for some of you fellas on the slow side.

But hold on a minute there, Casanova. This does not mean that if she's still smiling after 60 seconds of conversation that you'll be knockin' boots in the parking lot. The verbiage can be a bit misleading. What this rule means is that in less than a minute (oftentimes less than a second) a woman will know if she's definitely unwilling to sleep with you.

So, if you've gotten past the first round of eliminations—and it's likely you'll know if you haven't (unless you're a scumbag, but that's only common sense)—then it's likely the chance remains. Of course, that chance is less than 1 percent, but it's still a chance.

Take a Hint

Some of you may say, I'm not looking for some one-time hookup, I'm looking for a mate, a life-partner—I'm looking for love. Well, that's noble of you. But if that's what you're after, it follows that you would eventually seek some intimacy, no? And if a woman is decidedly unwilling to sleep with you then it doesn't make a lot a lot of sense that she'd want to be your girlfriend, does it?

If immediate signals indicate you should go away, then by all means, do so. You know those romantic comedies where the female character is repulsed by the male protagonist (and even urges him to stay away) yet he persists (stalks), and persists (stalks), and in the end, he gets the girl? There's a reason they're called movies and not documentaries—because they're fictitious stories. Chasing a woman who has made it clear she is not interested in you isn't cute, it's a misdemeanor. There are plenty of ladies that would be interested in you—no need to waste time on the ones who aren't. You're not going to change her mind or make her "see the light," you're probably going to upset her and maybe see flashing lights.

Initiating Conversation

So if you've been introduced to a female you find attractive or if you're sitting next to one at the bar, how do you get things going? Most guys find this the toughest hurdle. How do you initiate conversation? How do you differentiate yourself from the hundreds of other guys wearing essentially the same thing, with their almost-beards, un-tucked button-downs, and gelled, messy dos? There are a few keys—observation, timing, and humor.

First, observe her. Don't stare, leer, or ogle. Just glance. Perhaps she's wearing something that will make starting conversation easy. Maybe she's wearing the t-shirt of a sports team. Let's say she's wearing a Jacksonville Jaguars t-shirt. You make eye contact and say, "Hey, do you like pro football?" When she points to her shirt, you say "No, I said professional football." Zing! Boom, you're in there. Some good-natured ribbing is always a cute ice-breaker. Say it's the same situation but she's wearing a Chicago Cubs shirt. Make eye contact and say "Cubbies, huh? You know my great great great great great grandmother was at their last world series game?" It's easy, it's humorous, and it's harmless, and will undoubtedly earn a few laughs and will open the door to easy conversation.

Ice-Breaking with Humor

Observation can be utilized in a different way. Say the lady next to you orders a beer and the bartender, in his haste, spills not an insignificant amount of it as he sets it down in front of her. Grab some napkins to help wipe it up and ask "Is it cheaper if you get only half a beer?" Diffusing a situation with humor is always a great ice-breaker. And always be conscious of timing, the beer joke has a "funny" window of about two seconds.

What follows is the holy grail of flirting—the inserting of the hook, if you will. What? Eww, no! It's a fishing reference! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Honesty is the Best Policy

Once you've identified, made contact with, and engaged the woman of your desire in conversation, you've taken care of the tough part. Congratulations. Now it's time to shine. Relax, listen, and be yourself. Yes, women like laughter, wealth, and brilliance. But they like honesty, thoughtfulness, and genuineness even more. They can sniff out fake from a mile away. There is simply no place for dishonesty in conversing with a love interest. Not only is it just wrong, when you tell lies or make things up it becomes very hard to keep things straight. The truth is easy to remember—it happened, you were there, and your memory of the truth will rarely betray you. Trying to remember whether you told her you volunteer for bingo at the old folks home three times a week, were a mentor for underprivileged youth, or work at the soup kitchen on the weekends causes stress and misrepresents yourself. Dishonesty to anyone is ill-advised. Dishonesty to a love interest is suicide. Women who are seeking a mate want someone they can trust, not someone who makes things up to sound more appealing.

Listen

The quality women desire over all others is listening. This is just a generalization, of course, but so is all of this. It stands to reason that just about anyone who seeks a companion is looking for someone they can talk to.

Listening to your love interest does not simply mean grunting "yes" and "mm-hmm" at the appropriate times. Listening to people you care about is much more than that. Listening is also eye-contact and timely and correct facial expressions. When you are conversing with a love interest she shouldn't just feel like the only woman in the room, she should feel like the only woman for miles. If you are speaking in a crowded bar or restaurant, never are your eyes to wander—not even to look at that guy screaming in the corner for no discernible reason. It would mean you're not listening. The only other person you should look at in such an environment is the server. And it is of utmost importance that you treat your server very nicely. Show her you treat others with respect.

Be a Gentleman

Chivalry is not dead, gentlemen. If your food comes well before hers for some reason, don't just dive in—wait. Don't just open the door, let her walk through it first. Take her coat off, put her coat on. Let her order first. Pay for everything. I know, it sucks. She could out-earn you two to one. Doesn't matter, you buy. Refuse all advances to the contrary. Yes, splitting the tab sounds fair. Hell, it is fair. That doesn't make it right.

Securing the love of your life is very important to you, is it not? Then you must act like it. Finding a woman to accept you with all your shortcomings and foibles will be no small feat. If you go out of your way to do all the small things, your efforts will not go unnoticed. You don't want to sleep with your guy friends, do you? Then don't treat her like one!