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Close your eyes and think about the last time you were with your lover. What do you remember? Their appearance? Their fragrance? Do you remember what they felt like? When someone hits a dry spell, I bet deep down what they miss the most is a lover’s touch. Their fingers dragging across your legs, their hands caressing your back, or perhaps their fingers in your hair. Studies tell us that when we pet a cat or dog, it lowers our blood pressure. Similarly, including massage in a patient’s recovery protocol has been shown to relieve pain, reduce stress and speed recuperation. We have the power to heal through touch. Similarly, our sexual encounters should unleash our desire to reach out and nurture each other physically and spiritually through touch.
I think we, as a society, have underestimated the impact of a soft caress. Porn culture, with its emphasis on rapid insertions and removals, has devalued lovers hugging and cuddling each other. My theory is that pornography is designed for solo masturbation. But the power of touch needs another person. Of course, you can run your fingers over parts of your own body but it lacks the unpredictability only another person can provide. We need to be with others sexually.
How can we enhance this experience? It can begin simply. Surprise someone by tickling the back of their neck. That’s a good start. A soft kiss is an even better start. One of my favorite songs is sung by Tony Bennet and accompanied by Bill Evans on piano. “The Touch of Your Lips” exalts the anticipation of seeing that look in someone’s eyes and the touch of their lips on theirs. Beautiful. Lovely. Do you ever feel like that? Everyone needs to experience that desire and love at least once. Then you can say you have lived. We need that experience like we need air to breathe.
Basic Technique Number One: Slow Down
If you or your lover have been programmed by pornography to become a quick draw, take control. Change the speed. This isn’t a race. Whatever you normally do, do it slower. Think about what you are experiencing. Dissect it into different parts. What do you feel as a recipient? What do you feel as a provider?
When I did not have that much experience, I made the acquaintance of a woman. She was older than me and had already been married once. We became lovers. I was all over her because I wanted to experience everything and I had no idea if I would ever experience it again. In one of these first experiences, she lay back and said shyly, “You’re really good at making love.” I didn’t know what to say. I think she liked my enthusiasm. Another time, after she had her orgasm but I had not, she instructed me to put myself all the way inside her. I did as I was told. “You feel that?” she asked. “No. I don’t feel any…” That’s when I felt her pussy grab me. Then she let go. I kept going but then I went in again as far as I could, reaching under her buttocks, lifting her to get inside her as deep as I could. “Do that again,” I said. And she did. I have observed there is a time for speed and a time for finesse. My lovers have always appreciated my finesse.
Basic Technique Number Two: Ice, Ice Baby
What turns you on about your lover’s body? Have you told them? Next time, don’t tell them, show them. Some people like a man with a hairy chest. Others do not. Show your lover your fascination through action. Run your fingers through their hairy chest or drag your fingers over their smooth chest. Take a small ice cube in your mouth. (Specialty stores now sell silicon ice molds in new shapes and sizes. I like the small round ice balls for this.) Kiss and suck on your lover’s nipples with an ice cube in your mouth. Use the same technique on a man’s balls, the small of a woman’s back or the back of her knee. Create a cool wet trail on their body. If an ice cube is too cold, hold the ice in your mouth for moment to cool your mouth and then use your mouth on your lover. You will ignite fireworks!
Basic Technique Number Three: A Cooling, Effervescent Beverage
A similar idea to ice is beer or champagne. I am a fan of champagne. I like the yeasty nose and the small trail of bubbles in a fine champagne. The bubbles remind me of pearls on a woman’s neck. The next time you are celebrating with champagne, take a small mouthful and suck on your lover’s nipples. Form a suction with your mouth and let the cool, tiny bubbles tickle your lover’s breasts. Take another mouthful and go down on your lover and let the bubbles do their thing. The cool, bubbly sensation will create memories of a lifetime. And as long as you have broken out the champagne, why not a little caviar on your lover’s private parts?
Advanced Technique Number One: Lingerie
Those that have read my other writing know that I love lingerie on women. I cannot get enough of it. Yes, I love the silky material and the way your fingers can glide over a satiny bodice. But, at the same time, I love the contrast from lingerie to bare skin. I think it heightens the sensation of touching the exposed skin. Consider stockings or thigh-highs. The material is sleek and it is a beautiful frame for the smooth inner thigh. That part is sweet. If you feel like spending a bit of money, splurge on a leather corset. The feel and smell of soft leather can be intoxicating. Tap into your kinkier side and rub some leather on your lover.
Advanced Technique Two: The Feather
You should also get a mask for this. Masks are fairly easy to get. You can get a sleep mask at most pharmacies. They do the trick. You don’t have to purchase a satin mask from a lingerie store, although that might be nice. Or you could blindfold your lover. The point is that they should not see what you are about to do because that would ruin the anticipation. Then, when they cannot see, retrieve the ostrich feather you have hidden. You can buy ostrich feathers at most hobby stores. Ostrich feathers are the best. Their lithe tendrils remind me of a weeping willow tree. Slowly drag the ostrich feather over their face. Do it right and they will shiver! Up and down and then lightly drag the feather over the length of their naked body. Notice what they like the most and repeat that sensation occasionally. Vary your technique. Caress their whole body and occasionally do their favorite spots. Keep your lover in anticipation. Remember, it’s has to be an ostrich feather. A peacock feather has the length advantage but they do not have those tiny, soft, light fingers. Any other type of feather will be too sharp and will not tickle your lover as well as an ostrich feather. Sometimes I ask my lover what she is in the mood for and she'll simply say "The Feather."
Advanced Technique Number Three: Satin Gloves
Buy a pair of long opera-style satin gloves in the color of your choice. After your lover is naked, caress their body with the sensuous feel of satin. A mask is optional. To all the women out there with men in their lives, caress your man’s thighs. Then turn your back to them, continue stroking their legs with your satin encased hands, raise yourself and lower yourself onto his cock. Of course, he will love the feeling of your pussy but he will also be turned on by the feel of satin on his legs.
Advanced Technique Number Four: Massage Oil
The object is to give your lover a massage, not to make it a gateway for sex necessarily. The sex will come in time. Don’t rush it. Go all out. Get massage oil scented with her favorite fragrance. Play some Enya. Light an incense stick. Dim the lights. Warm the massage oil in your hands and knead the muscles in your lover’s body. They need it and your touch. This is a wonderful example of how touching is a win-win situation. The person getting the massage is getting their muscles and connective tissue the attention they deserve and you get to feel your lover’s body. What could be wrong with that?
Advanced Technique Number Five: Peanut Oil
You both should be completely naked and the bed should have several layers of towels. Warm the oil in your hands and spread it all over each other. Peanut oil has the advantages of being slick and you can still consume it in small doses as opposed to a lube like KY. Many sex lubricants say they can be licked but do you really want a petroleum product in your system? In college, there used to be “Bring your own Crisco” parties. For health reasons, avoid fatty acids. But I prefer peanut oil because it’s light. You can slowly smooth the warm oil on her breasts and nipples and still lick and suck on those nipple with peanut oil. When you are both well-oiled, drag your body over theirs and see how you glide across each other. Of course, once you are both well-lubricated, it lends itself to all sorts of exploratory adventures. But I caution you not to make the goal of this activity to be intrusive. Enjoy it for the slick feeling. Otherwise, your lover might put up a STOP sign whenever you reach for the peanut oil. A well-oiled fuck makes for a surprisingly easy entry. An oiled cock between two oiled breasts or between oiled buttocks are wonderful sensations. And let’s not forget the underappreciated oiled hand job.
These are the techniques I have personally used and I have found them to work very well. There’s probably some techniques you have used that I have not included. Expand your repertoire by including some of my suggestions and your partner will love you for it.