Dominance in the Bedroom

Tapping into your alpha male.


So, you've been asked to take part in a Dominant-submissive role in the bedroom. A part of you is excited, while the other is overwhelmed by the concept. Never fear, it's not that complex.

Most of a Dominant's job is simply vocalizing what they want the submissive to do. Don't ask, demand. Command your submissive in clear and explicit manner, making certain there is no misunderstands as to what you want. Remember, the submissive's job is to please you. For example, “Get on all fours and put your ass in the air, now.” Keep it direct.

When giving commands to your submissive you will want to pay close attention to the tone you use. A command given in a weak tone will only results in a multitude of giggles. If you are telling your submissive to drop to their knees it must be said with authority and conviction. Bear in mind that you do not have to shout commands. You aren't a drill sergeant. Being able to whisper a command with pure authority is the goal. After all, if you were asked to take part in a Dominant role it's the dominance your partner wants. Let your inner alpha out.

Giving commands may vary depending on the form of "play" you intend to have. The more "romantic" BDSM comes with lighter tones informing your submissive they are there to please you first. This is a good way to practice tone with your submissive. When you are ready for rougher BDSM a heavier tone with ridged commands is more fitting. Remember, there is no need to shout, just be assertive.

Once tone has been established making your place known is key. To do this you must determine what your submissive is to call you. "Master" and "Sir" are the more common. Then it is time to choose how you will address your submissive. "Slave" tends to be quite popular, however more unique names are best.  Being nontraditional, I call my husband "Beast" and I am "GG" or "Good Girl." 

With your tone under control and your Dominant-submissive titles in place, you will both need to determine safe zones and safe words. These will be used by the submissive to let the Dominant know whether it is okay to move forward or it is time to stop. It is important to keep the chosen words simple and easily remembered by both parties while in the thralls of passion. For example, my husband and I use "blue" to say it is okay to intensify and "red" to indicate that he needs to back down. 

As a Dominant the number one rule above all others is to stop immediately when the submissive says "no." You are to proceed no further if this word is said. If you are practicing bondage at the time, untie the submissive at once. This could be an indication of a malfunctioning knot or circulation being cut off. For the safety of your submissive, always adhere to the word "no" without question.

The next important thing, do not rush into inflicting "pain." Begin slowly, then increase the verbosity. For example, light smacks or spankings either via hand or tool, such as a paddle. Always maintain communication with your submissive by asking "Do you like this/that?" or "Is this/that good?" and "Do you want more?" Here is a good time to practice the use of safe zones and to hone your communication skills. For example, blue for more, red for less.

If you're ready to take things up a notch then make it clear you intend to go harder to prepare your submissive. If you find you are ready for penetration, tell your submissive so; “I’m going to fuck you now” for example. Give the submissive a moment to mull it over so they can indicate that they too are prepared to move further. This aides in keeping you both on the same page.

As mentioned before, communication is key to a successful BDSM encounter. Always remember to praise your submissive for their obedience and a job well done. A simple "well done" or "good girl" goes along way with someone whose soul purpose is to please you.  

For a Dominant-submissive relationship you must be willing to push and explore. Do your research and choose an activity, position, or tool beyond what you think is reasonable. See how your partner responds. You may be surprised. It's these surprises that really help form a connection between you and your submissive. Teaching your partner exactly how to please you and learning how to please them is one of the most rewarding aspects, one that will carry over into other areas of your relationship.

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Dominance in the Bedroom