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In my time within the BDSM community, I have come across so many types of Doms. Yes, this is the male identifying version of a Dom. There are good ones and bad ones. You will find you can be one of these types or many mixed together. The key to being a good Dom is to know the basics, know yourself and your own limits.
- In order to control someone else you need to control yourself first and foremost
- Respect in all things and everyone
- Knowing your craft
In order to dominate anyone you need to know that having a sub is more than just sex once a week or when the mood strikes. It's about control of yourself, your environment, your emotions and mental health, along with your own growth. Then comes the care of another person. That person may or may not be self reliant but what a sub needs is to always feel wanted, loved, cherished, satisfied. You need to understand their kinks and how to keep them going when you are not there. Remember they are giving themselves to you and in doing so you need to give, to them, all of you.
So what kind of Dom are you?
- Kinky: This is a non Dom. He is not into the D/s or the TPE (total power exchange). This Dom thrives purely on the high that comes with kinky sex. This type of Dom lacks the knowledge to bring a sub into subspace and doesn't experience Domspace either. Often times the submissive chooses the scene and what gets acted out.
- Role Playing Dom: You're going to find this Dom online. He's the one that will give tasks and you service him online. But if the sub fails he will lapse. The only time he will find reason to push is for cybersex. The truly worrisome part is he likes to "train" new submissives without knowing much about the D/s dynamics. This Dom will be the bragger, the one that says, "I have X slaves and I have trained this many more..." Beware of this Dom.
- Top: This is the Dom that likes to play Master. He is more focused on the next scene or telling his friends of the next big thing. The top doesn't invest himself in the relationship or the sub's growth. He cares little for the things that make the dynamic intense. Often offering a collar because it's sexy, he is knowledgeable and can use his skills but chooses to only within the scene.
- Scene Dom: This is the Dom that loves control inside and outside the scene but it is usually temporary and he needs a sub to find his control in his life. His turn ons are being served and being sexually gratified. This type doesn't allow for growth and will not test limits. A sub with this Dom will find it easy to top from the bottom.
- Playing Master: This Dom is experienced and lives to be served and serviced by the sub. He usually incorporates bondage and pain into his scenes but lacks the understanding of intensity. This is the Dom that has control over the sub but not over the scene so that their play starts with one intensity and ends with the same. The Dom lacks the skills to build endorphins within the sub to bring it all to the next level.
- True Dom: This Dom dominates the relationship. The True Dom wants to be served by the submissive. He enjoys this in both erotic and non-erotic services by having the submissive take care of his wants and needs. This Dom only takes the dominant role when he is in the mood. Many times he will play the role for days at a time, but will quit at any time. The time period is usually agreed to in advance or falls within the time constraints that they have together. You may find this person in short or long term relationships with his submissive. He normally has good reasons why he can't enter a full time relationship and he controls when he will be Dominant. This Dom type will usually give the submissive assignments, but may not question her if they are not completed and may not give feedback even if they are.
- Part Time Master: This Dom will have an ongoing relationship as Master/slave and he thinks of his slave as his property at all times. He wants the slave to grow and he tries to distinguish between the slave's wants and needs. This Dom rules the submissive's life to the point that he will give her assignments, tell her how to act and may tell her what to wear. The downside to this Dom is he devotes only his free time to the slave. This Dom will use scenes to help the slave to grow, as well. He usually knows how to control the pain experience and push the slave's limits. He watches the changes the slave makes during scenes and helps her grow outside of scenes. The part-time Master will also help the slave reach subspace. The part-time Master will perform aftercare after the scene to take care of the slave's needs.
- The 24/7 or TPE Master: This Dom is the one that constructs BDSM and all its counterparts as a vanilla would a marriage. This is the relationship where collars have that meaningful purpose. The dynamics and personal growth of all parties is very important. This type of relationship comes with contracts and negotiations, it allows for renewal of the contracts as well as who may terminate them. This Dom understands what a slave is and how to use this gift.
In the end, it's not about titles or monikers but it is about learning and growing to be the best you can be. I hope that this helps submissives in understanding why a person thinks the what that they do. It is in no way a complete list but rather the most common. Remember, both subs and Doms, BDSM is about continuous learning and growth of both people.
Stay safe, be kinky and have fun.