Do Me Raw

"Must be DDF (Drug and disease free) and into raw sex," so said one dating profile, and the person claimed that he was looking for a husband and a partner to spend the rest of his life with. His profile proclaimed that safe sex was not an option, so "don't even ask." What? Dating has always been weird but as of late, it has become even more twisted. Since when is raw the only way to have sex? And why is it that way?

There is no doubt that raw does feel great. Feeling the way it twitches and pulses inside of you is one of the best parts of sex. When he finds your spot (man or woman) and the bare head hits it and promises to coat it with his cum. A euphemism could have been used there but why? It detracts from what we are saying. It's the stuff that erotic novels are made from, and is one of the best feelings in the world.

But it's also unsafe. Not every man will have an STD, that's a given. However, in this hookup culture, where monogamy is more than a distant memory, why play sexual roulette with your health? Some dating apps are filled with men who are "in open relationships" that their partners have no idea about. One time, both men were actually on the same app and sent a message to the same person (me). Long story short, they both claimed to be in an open relationship but neither one knew about it. That was an interesting conversation. Neither man messaged me again and soon their statuses were changed to single.

If those two had been honest about what they wanted, then it would have made sense for them to have raw sex with one another, and safe with others. Despite the many attempts of others to separate sex and emotions, it is near impossible to do that. Trust is imperative in raw sex, and if you feel that your lover can't be trusted, then there's an issue. It also leads to an issue where emotions start getting in the way of having sex in general. When the trust is there, there a great many things a lover can do to blow your mind with his raw cock. It's amazing. Once that trust is gone, so is the mind-blowing sex. It really is all wrapped (no pun intended) in together.

Does all of this mean that safe sex is boring or any less pleasant? No. While raw sex is a true sign of trust and hopefully fidelity, safe sex is just as hot and orgasm inducing. There's just something missing from it. It's not something that can easily be pointed out or found. That's not true. It was found in the last paragraph, a lack of trust and connection with a partner. There was an indie rapper, gorgeous man—he wanted me to be his boyfriend. Thought we would be a power couple on the indie scene (I don't know what the means, either) but he wanted to be able to have sex when he was on the road, so proposed an open relationship. We decided to see how things went, but I insisted on condoms until we figured everything out. The fucking was amazing. We used the Trojan Bareskin and it was amazing. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had.

Safe sex with him was the way to go because I didn't trust him, nor did we end up together. Raw sex is hot and sexy, but it is also dangerous. Why put yourself at risk if your partner isn't into being with just you? This debate will go on well past this generation but maybe we can help them see that there are merits to both.