DIY Sex Toys for Women

Though it might be hard to imagine, sometimes a dick can get a little boring. Especially if it’s little. What is a woman to do when she just isn’t getting what she wants out of her man? Let us take a look around and discover all of the wonderful, unusual, and weird things you can have sex with. There are phallus shaped items everywhere you look; but please don’t try to fuck the top of a skyscraper, that could end really badly. Men, if you see some of these items lying around the house, maybe it’s time to step up your game a bit. But don’t you worry, ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby. She is bound to come back to you soon enough, and when she does, make sure she comes hard. No one wants to be permanently replaced with a popsicle. There is nothing wrong with experimenting from time to time. Changing things up can sometimes be a good thing. And if something goes terribly awry, feel free to seek medical attention to make sure you didn’t cause any permanent damage during the throes of self-induced passion. In the end, however, no matter how fun it is to try these things out, you still need a warm body to spoon when your done…

Hit a Home Run With a Wiffle Ball Bat

For those of you who enjoy rounding the bases and getting all the way home, either end of the whiffle ball bat should be perfect for your pleasure. These large plastic bats might require some lube to get that home run you have been looking for, but we all know that size does matter and these babies have got the girth you are looking for. If you are a MILF borrowing your kid's bat, be sure to sanitize it when you are done. The joy of playing by yourself? None of those pesky balls get in the way.

When It's Not the Hair On Your Head That Needs a Little Brushing

When you are younger and you start feeling all tingly—what’s a girl to do? Climb out of your bedroom window and find a boy to rub up against? Nah, who needs a boy when you can screw a brush? Brushes have the perfect size handle to please your pussy. They come in all shapes and sizes and are great for beginning masturbators. Just make sure that you always use your own brush and also make sure your brother is not borrowing your brush. He would never want to know where it has been and if he finds out, the psychological damage could be both extensive and long term. Plastic handles are probably more enjoyable to use than the wood handles. You wouldn’t want to get any splinters in your nether-region. That could prove quite uncomfortable and this experience is all about blissful, toe-curling comfort.

Go Fetch This Dog Bone

They say that a dog is man’s best friend, but a woman’s best friend can be the dog’s bone. With the perfect shape at the top, this doggy treat can be used for doggy style self pleasuring or the plain old-fashioned way. Covering it with a condom is key because you don’t want the doggy to irritate the pussy. Though they come in many flavors, those are best left for the dog to eat. If you have worn yourself out to a state of hunger, you should probably just eat a hot dog. A hot dog, now that is a perfectly shaped plaything...

Get a Little Comfort With a Pacifier

Don’t knock it until you try it. Those lipstick shaped vibrators work wonders and they are pretty narrow, and these perfectly shaped pacifiers even come with their own little handle. Ideal for screwing yourself silly in the privacy of your own wherever. When you are done reaching the heights of ecstasy, just throw it in some boiling water so it is ready for its next use. Which could be at any given time and there is nothing wrong with that.

Whisk Away Your Frustration

In theory this looks like a great item of self-pleasuring with its large bulbous shape and all, but it might be preferable to use a plastic whisk instead of a metal one. You would want to cause any permanent damage down there. It is also important to remember that your vagina is not a bowl of eggs and you should not implement the same technique on yourself as you would on a bowl of pancake mix.

Smooth Out Your Kinks With a Rolling Pin

The joy of the rolling pin is that you can pick your size. The handles are perfect for some gentle pleasuring and if you can fit that rolling mechanism inside yourself, halla-fucking-lullah! You have earned your prize. If this suits your fancy, perhaps you should by an extra one for use outside of the kitchen and be sure to not confuse the two.

Decorate Your Downtown Decolletage With a Curling Wand

Sometimes, when the mood hits, you have to grab what's handy, even if it means leaving your hair a little out of place. The perfect shape and size, no one will suspect what enjoyment will be in store. Just be sure it isn't plugged in. The only burning sensation you want is a good one.

Say "Cheers" With a Wine Bottle

Nothing is more refreshing than a "top shelf" fuck. You could pick any brand, but bottle shape might be a key factor for this particular party. Have an orgasm and take a sip—what could be a more fun drinking game then that? Just remember these bottles are made out of glass and even if they help get you off, you don’t want them to break inside you. Make sure the bottle is long, hard, and strong, just like you like your men. But these givers of pleasure will always be there for you.

This Water Bottle Will Definitely Be Refreshing

Forget about recycling, you can use a water bottle for hours and hours of good clean fun. Cap on or cap off, just make sure you remember in case it gets lost. It's not exactly the shape of a fist, but you can pretend that it is. And when you're done, you can take a drink and stay hydrated. Multi-tasking at its most pleasurable.

Using household items to masturbate is perfectly acceptable, but that isn’t to say there is no such thing as a bad time to masturbate. There are some things that you just shouldn’t look at or think about while trying to get off.

Choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, airing the orchid-whatever you call it, none of the images in this book will encourage the gentle art of self-pleasure. This deceptively simple and strangely addictive book presents a laugh-out-loud collection of random pictures virtually guaranteed to dampen the urge of even the strongest libido.