I gotta say I've never really had a love for coffee till recently; anyone that knows me knows I'm a tea drinker. No matter how hot the weather is, when I'm having breakfast I have to have a cup of hot tea with lemon and three sugars. I live in Seattle now aka the land of legal recreational and medical Mary J (See my last post). I drank coffee while living in New York, as a matter of fact, Dunkin Donuts toasted almond coffee is still my favorite flavor but of course, in the land of Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts couldn't possibly exist. The closest Dunkin Donuts to me is in Portland (YES I ACTUALLY CHECKED). For whatever reason since living here, I've been drinking a lot more coffee... not because of the flavors, but because in most of these places it's easier to say coffee, cream and sugar and GET EXACTLY THAT than when I say tea with lemon and sugar and I get all kinds of stupid ass questions like WHAT KIND OF TEA? BLACK TEA? GREEN TEA? HOT OR COLD? In the morning I am more of what they call a "rude New Yorker" than any other time of the day so it is quite dangerous to be asking me all of these questions when all I'm trying to do is quench my thirst as I eat my breakfast. Now that you know the back story of me and coffee let me move on to the rest of this blog.
When I first moved here, no one told me about these coffee booths but I noticed them everywhere I went. On the side of the highway, side streets, on gas station lots and store parking lots... coffee is literally everywhere in Seattle.... every fucking where LOL... and it wasn't till I walked up on one that had me realizing that some of these coffee booths are just that but some... might be something else. I haven't attempted to fully find out if the latter is true and how deep this rabbit hole goes but as far as I'm concerned if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it might just be sucking dick and selling coffee.
The first time I walked up on one of these was when I was about 4 months pregnant. I was hungry as hell, on my way to work and the only thing open was the coffee booth sitting by itself on a gas station parking lot. I immediately stop at the sign because I was confused by the bikini-clad drawing on the menu but then I let it go and started searching the menu for something to buy. Before I got a chance to zone in on an item, the window of the coffee booth opened and this young woman popped out wearing glittery pasties on her C-cup breasts, a lace thong, and stockings with the ass cut out. The first thing she asked me:
"Hey sweety! I got whatever you need so what you want?!"
My sarcastic ass responded with "Give me a small coffee with 3 sugars and milk and a banana nut muffin, no pussy!" She giggled like I made a joke and proceeded to fill my order. I walked away and immediately hit Google with a search and found out that yes... some of these coffee booths have and/or had some shit going on with them. This happened two years ago. Today, I had a real need for a frozen caramel chocolate frappe and McDonald's frappe machine was broken so I walked up on a coffee booth on the side street of a particular highway I'm always on. Never saw this coffee booth before, it was 75 degrees, the sun was blazing and my throat was dry. I walk up on the booth, looked at the menu to make sure they made frappes and before I knew it a young woman opened the window and she was wearing a bathing suit and the bottom was two strings coming out of her ass and attached to the little V coverage. I immediately smiled and said to myself "I can't believe I found yet another one LOL!"
ME: "Hey, how you doin'?"
HER: "I'm doing good honey; I'm just here slinging one coffee at a time!"
IMMEDIATE SIDE EYE FROM ME!
She proceeded to have a flirty type of conversation as she made the "perfect" drink for me. As she ran around and got the ingredients together I couldn't help it... I just stared at her and thought about what it would be like if Seattle got a black coffee booth like this... huh?! WHY DID I SAY THAT? Well, because although this woman was cute in the face, she was pretty slim therefore no hips and definitely no ass; same thing with the woman I saw two years earlier.
Call me particular, I DON'T GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS but I feel like if it existed the lines would be long and it would be an overnight success.