Bringing Up The Rear

I've heard it all, and then some, as to why women don't like or won't try the great taboo that is anal sex. Many of the reasons I have heard seem to be little more than masking tape slapped over excuses. Through discussion, I have discovered these excuses are derived from fear brought on by their beliefs in the stigmas and myths surrounding the act.

The number one excuse I hear is that having anal sex can cause considerable bodily damage. The truth of the matter is that bodily harm can come through any form of sexual interaction.

The vagina is an amazing body part. It creates its own lubrication in order to protect the sensitive inner lining of the vaginal walls. However, if there is not enough lubrication the lining can suffer micro-tears, which causes great discomfort for many whom have experienced this.

This is something that can, and often does occur, during anal sex. This is mostly due to the fact that the anus lacks the self-lubricating super power the vagina possesses. There is a simple solution: always use additional lubrication.

Speaking of lubrication, there are dozens, if not more, brands of lube on the market. Some are specifically designed to assist with easing the initial discomfort by numbing the entry of the anus. I suggest selecting a water-based lubricant due to it being the more versatile. Due to the main ingredient being water, it is odorless, tasteless, non-sticky, and won't stain fabric. The one downside is that water-based lube tends to dry out sooner, therefore reapplication will be necessary.

If you are interested in a longer lasting lubricant, oil-based is a good choice. Not only can it be combined with water-based lubrication, rumored to help give a more natural feel, but it can also be used during water play. The downside is that oil-based lubrication cannot be used with latex condoms.

Speaking of irreparable damage, a common misconception is that anal sex will stretch the anus out beyond repair. Many women fear that childbirth will do the same thing to their vagina as well, and though the vagina may alter from pushing out a small human being we all know this to be untrue.

Now, I am not saying the sphincter will bounce right back good as new. It will loosen and engaging in anal sex too frequently will lead to an anus that resembles that of a porn stars. Also, placing items into the cavity that are far larger than the average penis, which is five inches, can cause what I call porn star booty. That should be a given. My personal belief is that anal sex is something to be had occasionally, say, once or twice every few months or so.

Moving forward, other myths and stigmas that come with backdoor play centers around the woman's morality, or in this case her lack of morality. A friend once told me, "Only sluts and whores take it up the ass." This has to be one of the more ridiculous assumptions I hear.

When it comes to the taboo, anal sex sits at the top of the popularity list among married heterosexual couples. Lets face it, after being together for a decade everyday sex simply doesn't cut it. From what I have gathered through conversations with other wives, after years of marriage and a couple of kids, anal sex was their first attempt at kink.

I recall one such discussion with a close friend, a bank teller and mother of two, who upon learning about my own sexual play with my husband began pouring out the numerous things she and her spouse had tried in order to keep their sex life "steamy". One was anal. Not having tried it myself at the time, I was curious and wanted to know what she thought about the experience.

"Honestly? It was really frustrating! It's a slow process and the first couple of times we tried didn't go too well. First he couldn't get his dick in, then it hurt like hell and I gave up. Once we did finally manage to get it in the sensations were...weird." Naturally I wanted to know what weird meant. "It felt like taking a huge shit that suddenly gets sucked back up inside."

This was the first thing I had ever been told about anal sex: a huge shit that gets sucked back up inside. I don't think it's necessary to express how turned off to the idea I was. I did learn a valuable lesson...women who choose to engage in anal sex aren't sluts or whores. They are simply everyday women.

On to the next myth: "If I agree to give him anal, that's all he's ever going to want." Ladies, it's no lie that men have a fascination with knocking on the back door, but your vagina is still revered and is not something they are willing to give up. Anal sex is more of a treat or a perk.Much like men who have insecurities about the size of their penis, we have similar ones about our vaginas. Even I was not immune to this. Do not allow these insecurities to stop you from trying something you might enjoy.

The most vital piece of information I can give to other women is to never agree or suggest anal sex thinking it will save an already failing relationship and no woman should ever agree to engaging in anal sex because she feels pressured or obligated to.

And men, it's not right to pressure a woman into any form of sex...ever. You should also keep in mind that simply because she has had anal intercourse with you does not mean the sexual floodgates will burst open and suddenly your lady is into all kink. You had the privilege of anal sex, that is all. A final word, do not expect to have anal whenever you want: always ask permission first.

Don't let the stigmas and myths detour you from expanding your sexuality. There are new discoveries to made everyday, about yourself and your partner.