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I was 16 when I lost my virginity. In my best friend's little brother's bed as she slept away downstairs. It wasn’t terrible. But it wasn’t brilliant either. I didn’t cry or bleed or wither in pain. I simply took it. Which led to a long time of taking it (and giving it too. I’m not the sort to simply lie about as the boy does all the work. No way Jose.)
I’ve come a long way since then; I’ve had many, many sexual partners since then as well. More than I can count on my fingers and toes.
There wasn’t much to do in our small prairie town growing up so I entertained myself by doing drugs and boys. And let me tell you, the education I gave myself in those 3 years has done me far better than the 12 years of instruction the government orders. I so perfected giving head that I could make any guy cum within a matter of minutes. I was the girl everyone wanted to party with, the girl everyone wanted to leave the party with. And now I haven’t so much as seen a penis (excluding that in porn that is) in close to a year.
Care to know why? I eventually found out that the recipients I was bestowing my sensual prowess upon, and with, did not hold me in high regard for my sexual capacity and skills. Rather, just the opposite. They believed such acts were degrading. For me that is.
In my mind these boys (it would hardly be proper to call them men) were my fellow cohorts in our rebellion against the sexual status quo. Yes there is a new age dawning of freedom and transparency, but there still exist plenty of those old traditions and ruthless judgments hiding in the shadows. After all, nice girls don’t sleep with boys they don’t love. Nice girls don’t fuck (as opposed to having sex or making love. I’m sure I’m not the only one to sense the great contrast between all these forms of fornication) and they certainly don’t allow, let alone beg, for something to be stuck up their ass. And yet there I was, often described as one of the nicest girls in my whole grade. It all changed when my sexual exploits became common knowledge, whispered about behind textbooks and shouted aloud in inebriated states at parties. All of a sudden I was no longer distinguished by anything other then my willingness to spread my legs. As if that were my only notable attribute. Whereas the boys I was spreading them for hardly lost their identities in the process. Figure that hey?
Sure, you might be thinking here that this girl has some major daddy issues. That would make the most sense right? Make everyone far more comfortable to have some simple label to place upon me. But my father and I have one of the most trusting and tender relationships I’ve yet encountered (and no he’s never molested me. Get your mind out of the gutter). Now let me ask, do we ever consider asking if a certain promiscuous boy has parental issues? Not that I’m aware of. Boys will be boys after all. It’s apparently just common knowledge that boys just like to fuck… but girls don’t?
The individuals I had assumed to understand this, the boys I had shared such intimacy with turned out be the ones who were the most brutal in their judgments of me. The most vehement voices proclaiming me to be a; slut, whore, floozy, town bicycle, etc.; were the ones I had most expected to sympathize. For surely it takes two to tango. How can an act be "okay" for one consensual (the key word here people) participant but degrading for the other? How can you so enjoy the act an yet disregard and shame the one performing said act? Is it just me or is that not one of the most fucked up thing society has perpetrated upon us?
So no, I haven’t touched a dick in nearly a year. Not that I don’t care to, I have taken quite a fancy to them. I simply won’t squander myself with someone who doesn’t understand the magnitude of exaltation we are experiencing with each other, through each other. I won’t ever accept shame for something that feels so good. So fuck you for trying. And fuck me if you want to revolt against this sexual double standard together.
I’m a woman and I like to fuck. And I’m god damn proud of it. Simple as that. I won’t let the bastards get me down.