Bottom of This: How the F*CK? An Interview About Sex with Millennials

Sex. How can one word have control over an entire species? I mean we're intelligent beings whom, according to Karl Marx, have an inherent difference to the animal kingdom by putting reason behind our actions. But looking into the past and present, it's evident to state that our society has contributed some major time and effort into what we now call the sex business. But it is important to recognize that sex is now an actual business entity. It's not just about pleasure for the person but a money-making platform that adheres to the algorithm of society. Porn and Hollywood are both major players and have distorted the reality of what really happens before, during, and after sex. So here we go, let's try and get to the bottom of this.

I took the liberty to ask some willing individuals between the ages of 20 - 26, both male and female, about their sexual experiences and if they were matched up to how they imagined sex based off of their exposure to porn and Hollywood.

Names have been changed due to privacy rights.

Michael, 25:

The first time I had sex was more or less an accident and could not have been more different than I'd expected. Pornography couldn't prepare me for the nervousness in the pit of my stomach during the build-up, the overwhelming fear, or the burning anticipation. Porn tends to get right to the act itself, but nothing could have prepared me for the fumbling awkwardness of the both of us in initiating sex. It took a long time to build up to it, which was not something I had expected.

Coming back down from that initial high of sensation was a feeling I have never experienced again, and not an all-together pleasant one. With pornography, I could just turn it off and go on with my day; but now there was a person here with me, and the worry that lingered after my first time made me fear I had done something terribly wrong. I never worried if my porn felt satisfied afterward, I just clicked the little 'X'.

Melody, 20:

Basically growing up in a sex-oriented society was a very difficult thing, especially as an adolescent girl in a small town. What I saw in Hollywood was either you had sex because you and your partner were madly in love or it was casual sex, but the couple always ended up together in the end. I wasn't really shown or told anything different. But in reality, this is total bullshit, a false perception of sex equaling out to love? Are you kidding me? The first time I had sex, it was terribly different. There were no rose petals on the bed, no rain falling on the roof, no candles. It was in his bedroom, which was dark and it smelled...different. I didn't really go in expecting much physically, but emotionally I was so invested. We would fall in love right? That's how it goes! But instead he broke up with me because I didn't initiate sex enough. Go figure.

Eddy, 20:

During my first time having intimate relations with a person, I didn't go into it expecting anything, because I knew there was a difference between the real thing and the internet. Rather than just lust controlling my actions, there also was a great amount of love. I wanted something based on what both my partner and I enjoyed. Porn shows a disconnect and a lack of emotional connection, and quite frankly I hate that idea. Even though watching positions they do is entertaining and, yes, a turn on, that was my only take away. I applied some of those to my relations, but it was always based off of what my partner and I enjoyed, never an idea of what should happen based off of the media, but what we wanted to happen, which was intimacy and connection.

Sam, 21:

Out of personal experience, when I first started having sex, I was scared to tell my partners what I liked and what I didn’t like. I wanted them to have a good time and never really got to explore what I wanted too. I know that was partly because of my own inexperience and partly because I was heavily influenced by the portrayal of sex in media, especially porn. I didn’t know where to begin and had a fear of being judged or ridiculed for things I wanted to try because my partners had never expressed their interest in anything other than the Hollywood Special. That being the case, I had a really mediocre sex life for a long time, but had to pretend I was happy with it.

Speaking as a nursing student and a woman who enjoys sex, I think the representations of sex and sexuality in Hollywood media and in porn are both skewed. What irks me more than anything is that Hollywood sex perpetuates myths and misinformation. The notions about how sex for women is supposed to hurt the first time, vaginas get loose after sex with multiple partners, etc. are all a load of crap. Sex in general is not supposed to hurt. You may feel mild discomfort for a short time while getting used to different sensations, but bleeding and high levels of pain are not normal. I cannot stress foreplay enough; things are easier when there is less friction and the environment is wetter. Nonetheless, the more information the better, but ensure it's proven research from professionals.

Porn is made to excite the viewer and provide them with a glimpse of something to fantasize about for pleasure. Whereas Hollywood provides entertainment to create relief from everyday life. But both can leave a mark, especially on young impressionable individuals. So how do we avoid this confusion? Proper sex ed for one, but also let's talk about sex! Making it a taboo subject creates questions that go unanswered. People who are inexperienced usually go to other sources for answers, which the majority of the time are porn and movies/tv shows. So let's have some real talk. No it doesn't have to be disgusting detailed or intricate, I mean it totally can be! But nonetheless by interviewing these individuals I think it's clear to say communication about sex, besides consent, is one of the most important parts to consider — with your partner, friends, and professionals. It could go a long way by providing you with a more realistic approach to sex.