I’ve always been the one to search online for answers on questions I was curious about. I read stories on people losing their virginity. For some of them, it was the best decision they’ve ever made, and for others, it was the worst. The people who said it was the best decision didn’t regret it because it was with people who cared about them, and for those who said it was the worst, they lost it to people they thought cared about them. But I'm not here to talk about what happens after sex, I’m here to talk about what it’s like before it.
For me, being a seventeen-year-old virgin has its benefits and struggles, like not getting STDs or getting pregnant, blah blah blah, you already know the basics. Sometimes I want to wait for the right person and be one hundred percent sure they won’t leave me right after we have sex. I also just want to get it over with and I don’t care who it’s with, even if it's with a stranger. I’ve even been on dating apps which I’m not allowed to do because of my age. I do it mostly out of boredom, honestly. I don’t have friends and I stay home all day, so my curiosity gets the better of me. I’ve never met up with anyone in person because I’m too scared they’ll probably try to murder me, or worse. My parents don’t go through my phone, so I’m safe for now.
My parents never told me I had to wait for marriage to have sex. They aren’t the religious kind. My aunt who has four nieces including me, has always told us that if we need birth control, she wouldn’t mind taking us to see a doctor. I never told her I appreciated that she cared for us like her own daughters.
I have an older sister who’s almost twenty-one. She lost her virginity before she turned eighteen. For me, having an older sister helped me learn from her mistakes. It’s probably wrong to say that about her, but I believe it’s why parents tell their eldest kids to set examples for their younger siblings, so I’m glad I have an older sister to learn from, in the good and the bad.
The more I want to wait, the more I want to have sex. I always think that sex is better than masturbating and when I “finish,” it doesn’t really feel as amazing as it used to and I start to think that sex could be way better, and that’s the main thing that changes my mind often. The subject on sex has been kind of confusing for me. Confusing isn’t the word, it’s more like I can’t make my mind up on what I want to do. My mind changes to wanting to have sex with strangers to wanting to wait for the right person.
I’ve read online that women have a better chance at climaxing with masturbating than having sex with a man. It’s obviously true. It’s not about climaxing that’s the problem for me, it’s feeling alone Something I also read online is that feeling empty and alone is common after “finishing.” I’ve never had a boyfriend, so I think that’s why I don’t care how I lose my virginity, because I won’t be getting one anytime soon and I don’t have to wait for that “special” someone.
I know that being a virgin is OK and I could wait for marriage or wait for the right person, or it could be with a stranger if I want it to be. It’s my choice. I just hope I can wait long enough for the right person.