Acasia Tucker
Bio
A traveler, a people person, a writer, a coffee addict, Born to Be Loved. Currently: Colorado
Instagram:: @alittlemaebird
Stories (16/0)
Anxiety is a Thief
Anxiety is a thief. A thief of joy. A thief of sleep and fun nights out. A thief of promotions and jobs and errands. A thief of trips and friendships and relationships. Worst of all, it is a thief of self. I have lost my ability to trust myself, to take that gut feeling I have so depended on, and believe in it, to follow it. To know myself and who I am at any given moment. If I had ever felt this terror in my body before, I'd have left that place, person, situation immediately, no questions asked. If I had ever had these thoughts occupy my mind before I might have thought I’d gone insane. Now my anxious mind tells me the grocery store is the very scariest of places, a horror waiting to happen and I absolutely cannot go or something horrendous will occur.
By Acasia Tuckerabout a year ago in Psyche
Yearning for Motherhood
I am not a mother in the physical. That’s what I say sometimes when people ask. It’s not that I am not a mother, because I am. I am a mother in the Spirit, I am a mother emotionally, and I am a mother to a pet. I am a godmother to two beautiful girls, I am a mother to my friends, the mom figure of the group, I am a mom to the young LGBTQIA community around me, to the house-less people I used to work with, and sometimes to my own mom. None of those get mother’s day cards though. Every year that holiday rolls around I call my own mother and then spend the day crying. I am a mother. I just don’t have the child yet.
By Acasia Tucker3 years ago in Families
A Patchwork of Hate
Lines crisscross her perfectly milky skin. Scarring it in ways my own body remembers. A patchwork of hate towards oneself. Her lovely skin, pink knees, pink nose. I hate those lines because I know the pain of them. I know what they represent, I know the moments of sorrow that lead one to hold the razor, or scissor, or knife. How you cry as you start but then this body takes that pain from you and you're somewhat at peace, acceptance, calmer. I hate them because I know some of them are new. I hate them because some of them might be from me. I hate them because I want to kiss her, and them, and if my lips could make them disappear, I’d kiss every single one. Every inch of her perfect body. Even the ones she’s hidden and tucked away. Even the ones in places you don’t want someone to kiss you or to ever find those lines. I hate them but I love her.
By Acasia Tucker4 years ago in Poets
The 'What If' Game
It was a love affair that never happened. A relationship that didn’t go anywhere at all. I’ve played the ‘What If Game’ a lot the past few days. It never makes a difference, of course, it’s just myself trying to reason with decisions we’ve already made. The choice was already made for us. What if… what if I wasn’t leaving in a month, would we be together? What if I wasn’t leaving at all… would we have a relationship, a real one and what if I didn’t want that, what if I did? What if after years and years I left anyway? What if I stayed for half a year? We could do a short relationship full of lovely things but then… what if both our hearts break? What if we fell in love?
By Acasia Tucker5 years ago in Humans
So You Want to Be a Writer
I will admit right now that I am not the world’s leading expert on writing, far from it, however, there are some things I have come to learn. The following are three things I have picked up along the way, shared views with authors, and remind myself of daily.
By Acasia Tucker5 years ago in Journal
How to Feel Sexy
Somehow, I got it into my head and soul in the past few years that I am not sexy or sexually desirable. The other day I started thinking about this and realizing that if I do not consider myself sexy how in the world is someone else supposed to? I am beautiful, cute, adorable, lovely. I have come to terms with those. However, I do not consider myself or feel sexy unless I am in a relationship, even one in which I am not having sex, just the knowledge that someone desires me. This is not an accomplishable goal when I not only don’t have anyone that likes me, but I am not even around men, like ever. Which means that it needs to come within.
By Acasia Tucker5 years ago in Filthy
Are You Experiencing Reverse Culture Shock?
Re-entry. It feels like living on another planet in another time. Truly. Especially when you first get home. Everything is different, everything is weird. Your time is thrown off and you’re not sure what is happening. I know it sounds crazy, but everything really is different: the air, your skin, your bed, your friends and family, hell, even the sunlight feels slightly off. It’s not just jetlag, because you’ve had that before and it was never like this. Unlike jetlag, this feeling lasts for a while, at least. Slowly things start becoming more... ‘normal’ but this could last days, weeks, months or years and it’s hard, it actually is.
By Acasia Tucker6 years ago in Wander
Best Nightclub in Italy
A toga party in a Roman temple? How could I pass it up? In the summer of 2013, I laid in a hammock with a glass of red wine next to me and a book in my hand. I swung back and forth in the little patio off the hostel I was staying at in Rimini, Italy. People were laughing, talking, and smoking next to me in the patio, but my mind was drifting. The wine and sound of waves started to put me into a fuzzy lull. A beautiful long blond-haired man named Marco called my name. I had met him the first night in the hostel and he was working there in order to travel. He had that beach bum vibe and a joy that was contagious.
By Acasia Tucker6 years ago in Wander