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Ask a submissive:
Here are some common questions and answers that I receive (almost daily) as an active submissive in my BDSM community by vanilla non-fet people:
1. Is this "just a phase?"
Is your lifestyle just a phase? Sheesh. This is how I live my own life, and this is how I’m happy living that life. No, it’s not just a phase. The people that I’ve met in the lifestyle are some of the kindest, most caring people I know. I’m grateful for the scene, the people in that scene, the events, and every ounce of pain that I receive. People associate the lifestyle with pain, abuse, and nudity and I simply don’t understand why. This lifestyle is giving, loving, and accepting. If anyone has any questions regarding how the lifestyle operates or what this "phase" entails, I'm always happy to shed some light.
2. Why can’t you call your boyfriend by His real name?
Because He’s not my boyfriend, He’s my Sir. And I address Him as such out of respect, and because He asked me to. It’s typically customary for the submissive to have an alternate name for their Master, Mistress, Dominant, Daddy, etc., since it shows that they have respect for them and they hold power over them. Yes, (real name), would almost sound derogatory to Them, and stop the reinforcement of Their power over Their submissive.
3. Won’t you get upset if He has another female partner?
Absolutely not. Sir and I are polyamorous, meaning that it’s accepted and (most times) beneficial for U/us to have other partners that we play with, sexually or non-sexually. I plan on creating a separate article explaining how polyamory works and what benefits it can have. It’s what keeps U/us from not only going crazy, but finding O/our own release in a way that the O/other partner can’t provide. For example, if I needed S/someone to take care of me while I’m little, then I would seek a Daddy Dom as a secondary partner, since Sir is not a Daddy Dom. And I would expect the same from Him.
4. Why do you go to weird parties where people are just naked?
They’re called play parties or fetish parties. They’re amazing and so much fun! I go because not only is the whole scene there, but because we get to get naked, too! Exhibitionism is popular with a lot of people in the kinky world, and having these play parties really gives U/us the necessary outlet to have some fun, break loose, and smack some people (with consent of course).
5. What is a collar? Why do you wear yours everyday?
A collar is a symbol of ownership, and I have consented for Sir to own me. That means that I wear this again out of respect, but also to show the world that I’m taken. There are different protocols with wearing collars regarding when it has to be worn and what type of collar and so on. My everyday collar I wear every day (minus bedtime and showering), and play collars and posture collars are worn at different times.
6. Why do you need to "submit" to someone to be happy?
Because that’s just who I am. I submit to my partner because that's how I am the happiest, when I’m serving. I like to be at the control of my partner because that’s when I’m my best self, my happiest self, and my most giving self. It’s all returned by my partner, of course, but it works so synergistically with what my partner would have to offer.
7. Doesn’t it bother you that your partners are so much older than you?
Short answer: Heck no! Older Dominants are hot as hell!
Long answer: It doesn’t bother me one single bit. Age is literally just a number! I’ve found especially on the fet side of relationships, it's almost more customary to have larger gaps in age. Is it weird as compared to societal norms of dating? Yes. Is it illegal? No. Is it preferred for me specifically? Yes. For a lot of submissive females that I’ve spoken to, having an older Dom generally means more experience, and more trust. (Mmmm, yummy.)
8. So you’re like Ana in '50 Shades of Grey'?
Um, yes? I have an article about the things I found to be wrong with 50 Shades of Grey, so you might want to reference that before reading the rest of this answer. Ana in 50 Shades was much shyer, quieter, and more introverted than I am, and her relationship with Christian is not only monogamous, but much different than any relationship I’ve personally had, this being on the basis of consent, trust, and honesty in both parties. She does not have the same kinks as I do, but yes, she does end up being Christian’s submissive.
9. Doesn’t it hurt? The rope and bondage and whips and chains?
Yes, yes it does. I’m a masochist. I like it. Pain = good.
10. How did you realize you were submissive?
I realize that I was submissive when I realized just how much I like being generous and helping people. I used to give up my life and love to people just to watch them grow and be happy. When I found submission, I used it as an outlet to teach myself how to love myself and other people properly. I learned that self-love can happen while still submitting to someone else. Apart from that, I learned that I could NOT do anything toppy, like squirt chocolate on someone, hit them with anything, command anything. Heck, I can't even train a dog.
The exact trigger was getting hit by a tea towel as a joke actually, haha!
Thank you for reading!! I hope I helped to shed a bit of light on those FAQ. If Y/you have anything else Y/you'd like to see me answer, please feel free to get into contact with me somehow and I'll for sure answer them in the next volume. Cheers!