Sex isn't always completely serious, romantic or "Fifty Shades" of intense. When you're with "the One," there's all kinds of emotions.
Being in a relationship (a healthy one) means enduring many moments of vulnerability. A big step in every union is the first time you see each other naked. To some, being naked is like breathing, but to others, it's like taking off a mask and baring the intricacies of your soul to brand new set of eyes. What you think they might see can be really, really scary.
Your soul-mate should make you feel comfortable enough to bare it all. No shame. No judgments. No exceptions.
If you're with somebody who makes you want to cower under the covers or turn out the lights, you may want to reconsider the partnership.
If it's your own insecurities holding you back, try chatting with your S.O. and begin to build a foundation of trust so you can learn to be more open with him/her.
Vulnerability and openness sound like cliche terms thrown around by marriage counsellors, but every cliche is a derived from truth. Give it a shot, turn on the lights.
Laughter isn't a turn-off
Things can go from 0-100 real quick when the mood strikes.
One moment you're wrestling and laughing, the next you're grabbing hair and moaning. Even during the "act of love," things don't always have to be so serious.
In the movies, every move is calculated and executed beautifully. Real life is, unfortunately, not so elegant. When you switch positions, rearrange the pillows/blankets or get up to grab a condom or toy...things don't always look so glamourous. It's okay to giggle and make fun of yourselves for not appearing porn-star level attractive.
You and your sexy soul-mate, for the most part, should be able to laugh together while not killing the mood in the process. (This is also a good example of openness).
When you move, I move
Synergy is key to good sex in general.
When you meet someone who seems to just know your body, you know you've struck gold.
This can be a problem with not-so-healthy relationships - a lot of people get stuck if the sex is a-m-a-z-i-n-g because, I mean, it's hard to let that go. But, when the whole package comes along the sex is so much better due to an element of trust. (There's another term favourited by marriage counsellors).
This goes both ways. When it's meant to be, you will know where all the right parts go too.
Sex should be easy and feel good, it shouldn't be like two robots banging into each other.
Find out what it means to each other.
Every body is wired differently and every human connected to those bodies have been through many experiences throughout their lives.
Getting to know each other sexually may take time and sometimes patience needs to be exercised.
Don't get discouraged if you hit a nerve by kissing a particular spot on their body. If your partner has a need, they should be able to tell you about it.
A difficult topic during sex is past experiences. There are many people who have been abused in their past and now have 'trigger' areas - places that remind them of the trauma they have been through. Respect how they feel and be cautious.
If it's the other way around, or there are just some things you don't feel comfortable doing, voicing those wants/needs are important.
Furthermore, your partner should respect you enough not to judge these wants/needs and take them as guidelines in the bedroom.
The L word
Not lesbians. Unless this is Scott Pilgrim, in which case, yes, lesbians.
But no, really — love is important. Making love, while not always a must-do, is an important part of a healthy relationship.
There should be at least a few moments during sex when you love and feel loved in return. Even if you're both sweaty, caked in edible chocolate and in desperate need of a shower - there should definitely be a moment when you feel closer to your S.O. than anyone else in the world.
And when you find your sexual soul-mate you will feel it, both in and out of the bedroom.