I'm growing up. The things that yesterday looked so far, now look (and are) right in front of me. Sophomore year is over, junior year is almost here, and next thing you know I'll be walking up to a stage to get my diploma. I don't have my license and I have yet to take the SAT. Last year I wasn't even thinking about driving or about standardized tests because I thought I had time. I thought. Boy was I wrong. But one thing about getting older that really scares me is sex.
Something that to this day is confusing to me the "losing your virginity" thing. According to Google, virginity is, "The state of never having had sexual intercourse." It seems pretty simple. However, what counts as sexual intercourse? Does a dick need to be involved? And if so, what about lesbians? How do they lose their virginity if they are lesbians? Does oral sex count as losing your virginity? Also, why is losing your virginity such a big deal? Why does it matter if you have sex before marriage? So many questions.
I don't want to lose my virginity to just whoever. I threw away my first kiss and regretted it, so I won't do the same with my V-card. The thing is, I was never really exposed to sex. I grew up in a place where sex wasn't a topic of conversation at all. I remember when a girl in my grade gave a boy a blowjob. The entire school found out. Everyone called her a whore. Her friends stopped hanging out with her. It was madness. (Nothing like this happened to the boy who received the blowjob. Talk about double standards.) It was just a blowjob. That's why I'm scared to have sex. People never talked about it and if they did, they didn't say anything nice.
Since I moved to another country, I realized that sex is normal. It's not something to be ashamed of. When I first got here it was weird to hear my friends talk about taking their pills or having a pregnancy scare (which everyone should avoid by wearing a condom. Don't be silly, protect your Willie), but after a while it just became normal. But I didn't see it that way because I lived in a society where people didn't talk about sex in fear of being judged. By "people" I mean girls. If people found out that a girl did anything sex-related she was to be burned at the stake. Not literally, but I would rather be burned at the stake than to have people talk about me the same way they talked about the girl who gave the boy a blowjob.
I must admit, even though the country I lived in was highly critical of teenagers having sex, my family has always been very open about the topic (which is kind of surprising considering that my family is Catholic). My mom always taught me that sex shouldn't be a taboo subject. Just yesterday she encouraged me to masturbate. She has also always told me to tell her when I start having sex so she can buy me condoms and pills. Just like my mom, my older brother is very straightforward about sex. I'm really grateful that my family is an open book and talking about sex isn't an issue, since I know that in many families talking about sex is a no-no.
I'm just waiting for the right time, at the right place, with the right guy. No. The perfect time, at the perfect place, with the perfect guy. I know my expectations shouldn't be that high because as everyone says, "the first time isn't good," but I can't help it. I need someone I love and loves me, at least for the first time. Until then, I'm just "a virgin who can't drive" (Tai, Clueless).
Remember to enjoy sex responsibly and use protection. Don't be a fool, cover your tool.