It arises every few weeks, sat down with the girls or out after a few drinks. The topic of many a drunken conversation where everyone is a *little* more open than they usually are: yeah, anal.
Although there’s been somewhat of a ‘sexual revolution’ in recent years, with people being entirely more open about their sex lives and a more upfront approach to anything sex-related in the media, I feel a lot of people still have to learn from experience when it comes to anal.
When I first approached the subject myself, I got the impression that anal was really only enjoyable for the guy, with many a Yahoo Answers questions (remember that website? Have a google after reading this article, some absolute gems on there still) asking, “is it supposed to hurt that much?” Porn isn’t much better, with popular searches being “anal punishment,” or “painal,” the idea of it being enjoyable for the woman almost sounds ridiculous. BUT I did the trial and error so you don’t have to, and I’m here to give you the top dos and don’ts so that you don’t have to experience the awkwardness and the pain that many of us did!
So, here are my best tips for pain-free, safe, and mind-blowing anal sex. Believe me—it IS possible.
DO explore the booty alone.
This is super important for anything, not just anal. The more you know about your own body, the more likely you are to enjoy it, partner or no partner. Let’s be real—it isn’t always the nicest place to be sticking a finger, so when I first began, I found being in the bath really helped. You’re nice and clean, and a nice warm bath relaxes you, making it easier to insert anything in there. My top tip for going solo would be to play with yourself as you normally would first, edge yourself to an orgasm, and THEN start playing with the booty. If you’re turned on, you’ll be in a dirtier state of mind and find it easier to enjoy such a ‘taboo’ activity.
DON’T take porn at face value; lube it up.
You can’t go into your first time trying anal thinking it’s as simple as someone spitting on your booty and shoving it in. You’ll end up sore and probably with tears in your eyes. Make sure you invest in a good lubricant (water-based if you're using a condom) and use a lot of it. Imagine trying to shove, well, a penis into your anus without lube; not good. Don’t even question me, use lube.
DO Prep, Prep, Prep!
Before you go into it with someone else, you will feel a lot more confident and be able to enjoy it if you know there’s very little chance of any mishaps down there. An enema is really simple and will make your booty so clean you’ll want someone to be down there just to show them how clean it is; really, it’s amazing. Now, this isn’t for every single time you ever have anal sex; that would be silly and bloody time consuming. But while you’re only just figuring it out, it really will put your mind at ease and help you to relax, meaning the booty will be more likely to relax. I know from personal experience that this is one thing that helped me relax the first few times, completely took the worry out of my mind as I knew there wasn’t a chance of anything coming out of there.
DON’T be embarrassed.
At the end of the day it is your booty, the place that everything exits. Accidents will happen, and more likely than not, at some point there will be something that comes out of there that isn’t exactly what you wanted to. But it’s normal—I repeat, NORMAL. Your partner will be happy they have the privilege of being anywhere near your booty, so they honestly don’t mind when something like that happens; it’s almost expected.
Speaking from personal experience: when you don’t relax, your booty tenses and you’ve no chance of fitting anything in there, even a pinky. The same as when exploring the booty alone goes for with someone else; build up to it. Lots of foreplay, lots of vaginal sex, and only then try to even play with the booty.
DON’T let them take control.
Even if you’re the most submissive person alive, you really need to take control to begin with. Your partner doesn’t know your body anywhere near as well as you do, and they can also get a little carried away in the excitement at having unrestricted access to your private region. Believe me, it will calm any nerves knowing that you have full control and that your partner isn’t going to just force it straight in. The best position for this is spooning: lay side by side with your booty up against their crotch, you’ll have control to push yourself back onto or away from your partner and to control how deep it goes.
DO start slow.
Once the tip is in, keep it there and play with yourself as you slowly move against it. This will keep you calm as your booty gets used to there being something in there. It will feel a little odd at first, but stick with it. When it doesn’t feel as odd, move yourself back so it’s deeper inside, stop again and continue to play with yourself. Keep doing this until it’s all the way in and then you can begin to move back and forth. This is honestly the best way to get used to it; it will keep you relaxed and stop you from tensing, which you really don’t want to do. When you’re used to something being in there and it’s then associated with you playing with yourself, you’ll be enjoying yourself too much to worry about any awkward mishaps or how odd it is that there’s something in there. This is when you can really enjoy it. I orgasmed so fast as soon as I was used to how it felt inside; I let myself get lost in the moment and honestly it was better than most orgasms I have from ‘normal’ sex.
DON’T go from the booty to any other hole.
That is how you get infections, and we all know they are far from fun. Remember that your booty is where certain ‘things’ come out of, and there’s bacteria in there that you don’t want anywhere else. So, change the condom between holes, or simple leave the booty until last so you don’t have to worry about that.
And last but certainly not least, DO enjoy yourself.
Exploring sex is an exciting part of life and you shouldn’t worry too much about little things that go along with it. Everyone starts somewhere, and nobody is expecting you to be a porn star in the bedroom. Do what feels right for you, and if you don’t enjoy it, then don’t feel pressured into doing it; but don’t give up from one bad experience—if I’d have done that, I wouldn’t have had nearly as many a mind-blowing orgasm from anal.