9 Non-Pornographic Films Starring Pornographic Actresses

Jenna Jameson currently has a net worth of more than $30 million and she is only 42 years old.

Photo courtesy of jerone2

Porn stars have short acting careers and most of them cannot make enough cash to retire for the rest of their lives. The Royal Central School of Speech & Drama in London seems like a good long term investment.

Invest in a college degree and in the stock markets

Gloria Stuart was nominated for an Academy Award and for a Golden Globe back in 1997 for her hard work in the 1997 historical epic romance disaster film Titanic. She was 87 at the time.

Emmanuelle Riva was nominated for an Academy Award back in 2013 for her outstanding performance in the 2012 French romantic drama film Amour. She was 84 at the time.

Jessica Tandy was nominated for an Academy Award back in 1992 for her extraordinaire work in the 1991 dramedy film Fried Green Tomatoes. She was 82 at the time.

As you can see, you can save at least half your wages while you are young and while you are working hard in the adult entertainment industry and enroll in The Royal Central School of Speech & Drama in London where Mexican actor and Golden Globe winner Gael García Bernal studied after you retire at 35 exactly like Lil Wayne.

It is difficult to get a job in Hollywood and you need a backup plan just in case you cannot get a job as a mainstream actor or actress.

I suggest you invest 25% of your wages in tuition and 25% of your wages in a brokerage account managed remotely by someone like me with a lot of experience in the stock markets in the United States of America and other countries.

If your mainstream career in Hollywood does not take off, you can still rely on your dividends provided for you every three months by companies like Apple (NASDAQ: AAPL), The Walt Disney Company (NYSE: DIS) and Microsoft. (NASDAQ: MSFT)

Ironically, the Evil Empire ruled by the Emperor is going to support you financially for the rest of your life and keep you protected, healthy, and safe and you don't even need to have sex with him.

Private Parts

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Academy Award nominee Paul Giamatti and Jenna Jameson star in this 1997 biographical comedy produced with a modest budget of $28 million by Academy Award nominee Ivan Reitman based on the 1993 book Private Parts written by radio and television personality, producer, author, actor, and photographer Howard Stern. 

This film is currently rated with a certified fresh rating of 80% according to Rotten Tomatoes.

Howard Stern also wrote the 1996 book Miss America.

In 1997, The USA Network, a Comcast (NYSE: CMCSA, CMCSK) subsidiary paid $7 million for the rights to broadcast the film for nine years beginning with the year 1999.

You can stream this film right now if you are an Amazon (NASDAQ: AMZN) Prime subscriber.

If you happen to be a porn star then you should become an Amazon Prime subscriber for the rest of your life and also hire someone like me to manage remotely your brokerage account and systematically acquire a few Amazon shares each time you collect a paycheck in order to increase Jeff Bezos' wealth.

Jeff Bezos is currently the 14th most powerful people in the entire world according to Forbes magazine and he is also the fifth wealthiest individual in the whole planet with a massive fortune of $45.2 billion and rising extremely quickly.

I would like to see every film listed in this article available globally to every Amazon Prime subscriber in the near future.

There were many complaints at the time at traditional retailers for the partial nudity in the cover of the film and the distributor of the film was forced to print a new decent version of the film with Howard Stern fully clothed.

As you can see, very few people in the world can tell Jeff Bezos what to sell and what not to sell but if you support him financially then he will eventually be more powerful than Pope Francis and he will have enough cash to open a new bookstore in Saudi Arabia or in Bahrain and sell films like Brokeback Mountain or The Crying Game.

In Iran, you will be flogged if you kiss another man.

In Nigeria, gay clubs are illegal.

In Mauritania, you will be incarcerated if you are a female and you are having sex with another female.

Mere mortals like you and me cannot change these retrograde laws. However, my former employers Larry Page and Tim Cook can. We just need to acquire more Apple shares and more Google shares and make them more powerful.

Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain

Ginger Lynn Allen, Chasey Lain, Taylor Hayes, and Jenna Jameson star in this 2003 Canadian horror film released by Lionsgate on DVD and also released by the television channel Showtime, a subsidiary of CBS. 


Drive

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Academy Award nominees Bryan Cranston, Ryan Gosling, and Carey Mulligan, Golden Globe winners Oscar Isaac and Ron Perlman, and six-time Emmy Award nominee Christina Hendricks star in this 2011 neo-noir crime film produced with a modest budget of $11 million.

This film is currently one of the greatest films ever made with a certified fresh rating of 92% according to Rotten Tomatoes and also a financial success with global ticket sales of more than $78 million.

Albert Brooks was nominated for a Golden Globe in the Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture category for his hard work in this film.

He was nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Actor in a Supporting Role category back in 1988 for his outstanding performance in the 1987 romantic dramedy film Broadcast News.

Victor Ray Ennis and Lon Bender received a nomination for an Academy Award in the Best Achievement in Sound Editing category for their hard work in the film Drive.

Lon Bender received a nomination for an Emmy Award in the Outstanding Film Sound Editing for a Limited Series or a Special category back in 1985 for the television miniseries Space starring Academy Award nominee James Garner.

In 1996, Lou Bender won an Academy Award in the Best Effects, Sound Effects Editing category for his hard work in association with Per Hallberg in the 1995 epic war film Braveheart directed by and starring Mel Gibson.

In 2007, he was nominated for an Academy Award in the same category for his hard work in the 2006 political war thriller film Blood Diamond starring Academy Award winner Leonardo Dicaprio and two-time Academy Award nominee Djimon Hounsou.

In 2016, he was nominated for an Academy Award in the same category for the fourth time for his hard work in association with Mexican sound editor and two-time Academy Award nominee Martín Hernández in the 2015 semi-biographical western film The Revenant produced, written, and directed by Mexican director and four-time Academy Award winner Alejandro González Iñárritu.

As you can see, if you are a film producer and you wish to make one of the greatest films ever made then you need to hire Lou Bender or Martín Hernández.

Andy San Dimas plays the role of a stripper.

Dirt Merchant

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World famous Danny Masterson currently working on the television show The Ranch distributed by Netflix (NASDAQ: NFLX), Julie Benz currently working on the television show Training Day distributed by CBS (NYSE: CBS), and Jenna Jameson star in this 1999 independent comedy film released on DVD in 2002.

This is Jenna Jameson's first mainstream appearance.

Inherent Vice

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Inherent Vice is a 2009 darkly comic detective novel written by American novelist and MacArthur fellow Thomas Pynchon.

Thomas Pynchon won the National Book Award for Fiction back in 1974 in the United States of America with his 1973 novel Gravity's Rainbow

He also wrote the 1965 novella The Crying of Lot 49, one of the best English-language novels from 1923 to 2005 according to Time (NYSE: TIME) magazine, a widely respected publication founded in 1923.

Michelle Anne Sinclair, more commonly known as Belladonna plays the role of Clancy Charlock, the sister of one of the bikers.

Owen Wilson plays the role of Coy Harlingen.

Zombie Strippers

Actor Robert Englund widely known all around the world for his unforgettable performance as Freddy Krueger, Actress Penny Vital known all around the world as one of the Old Town girls in the 2005 film Sin City and Jenna Jameson star in this 2008 zombie comedy film distributed by Stage 6 Films, a subsidiary of Sony (NYSE: SNE)

Stage 6 Films was started in 2007 to acquire, produce and distribute between ten and fifteen low-budget films each year not suitable for mass consumption.

In other words, this company is focused exclusively on ancillary markets.

Each film needs to cost less than ten million.

We have acquired a lot of horror and science fiction films in the last decade or so it seems. 

Sony is still the largest consumer electronics company in the entire world by sales with more than $67.9 billion in annual sales last year.

There are only eight consumer electronics companies still in business in the entire world and they are all are being slowly destroyed or acquired by Apple, Samsung, and Microsoft.

Sony lost money in the quarter ending 3/31/2016 which means they still need to sell a few unprofitable record labels to Amazon and a few unprofitable television shows to Hulu but it is likely they will remain on the Forbes 2000 list for the foreseeable future.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Academy Award nominee Maggie Gyllenhaal, Emmy Award nominee Dick Clark, Sam Rockwell, and Michael Cera star in this 2002 biographical spy comedy film produced by Academy Award nominee Andrew Lazar with a modest budget of only $30 million.

Two-time Academy Award winner George Clooney convinced Academy Award winner Julia Roberts and Golden Globe winner Drew Barrymore to lower their salaries.

This film is currently rated with a certified fresh rating of 79% according to Rotten Tomatoes.

Three-time Emmy Award winner Jerry Weintraub plays the role of Larry Goldberg, the President of the ABC network.

Academy Award winners Brad Pitt and Matt Damon make appearances in this film as Brad and Matt respectively, two bachelors in the television show The Dating Game.

Matt Damon and Steven Spielberg worked together in Saving Private Ryan.

Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise worked together in Interview with the Vampire.

Bridget Powers plays the role of a little person.

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

Nobody wants to buy any tickets to see these horror films and they keep producing them despite the fact they keep losing money.

Director Tom Six has been very busy in the last seven years and he is currently working on his next two films: The Onania Club and Enjoy.

His investors must be very wealthy and they can afford to back him financially indefinitely.

One day, he is going to make a good film and he is going to recover all the losses or so it seems.

Alternatively, they may be investing in a hundred filmmakers hoping to find one so profitable he can recover the losses of the other ninety-nine of them like those billionaires investing in startups in Silicon Valley hoping to find the next Facebook (NASDAQ: FB) or the next Twitter.

Bree Olson plays the role of Daisy.

Strange Days

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Two-time Academy Award nominee Ralph Fiennes, Academy Award nominees Angela Bassett and Juliette Lewis, Golden Globe nominee Tom Sizemore, Emmy Award nominee Vincent D'Onofrio, and William Fichtner star in this 1995 science fiction thriller film directed by two-time Academy Award winner Kathryn Bigelow. 

Two-time Academy Award nominee Jay Cocks and Three-time Academy Award winner, Golden Globe winner, and Emmy Award winner James Cameron wrote the screenplay. 

Kylie Ireland plays the role of a stoned-looking girl.

William Fichtner and Christopher Nolan worked together in The Dark Knight.

You can stream this film right now if you are a Starz subscriber.

Starz is a Lionsgate (NYSE: LGF) subsidiary.

Angela Bassett and Denzel Washington worked together in Malcom X.

Conclusion

If you happen to be a film producer then you should hire a retired porn star for a small role in your film. One day, this small and important demographic group will be fully protected by the federal government of the United States of America with some sort of universal health care similar to what Kiefer Southerland's grandfather already implemented in Canada back in 1961 and with some sort of mandatory life insurance covering frequent causes of death among porn stars like AIDS, drug overdose, and suicide.

Until that day comes, you should hire someone like me to manage your brokerage account remotely.

If you invest at least half your wages in a combination of stocks and a college degree if you don't have one already then you may accumulate enough wealth to produce the first adult film of the next Jenna Jameson.

Save your pennies and start your own RCI Hospitality Holdings (NASDAQ: RICK) the day you turn 35 and retire from the adult entertainment industry.

This publicly traded company turned a profit of more than $11 million in 2016.

Not bad for a bunch of beautiful girls dancing naked on a pole.

Alejandro Guillú Mendoza
Alejandro Guillú Mendoza

I have written for the largest and most popular websites in Australia, Japan, India and the United States of America including but not limited to TheStreet.com (NASDAQ: TST), Seeking Alpha, Motley Fool, Insider Monkey and Startup Mindset.

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9 Non-Pornographic Films Starring Pornographic Actresses