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7 Things Women Think About Men's Packages

To a man, their package is God's greatest creation, but to a woman its visual appeal can be everything but Godly.

Photo Courtesy of www.the-dame.com

Unfortunately there is no nice way to put this fellas, but man parts are freaking weird.  It's like Gonzo meets alien meets mushroom meets noodles.  Don't get me wrong, women of course appreciate the male anatomy and the owner it's attached to and that is what makes it hot and desirable. Also, that is it feels really good when used correctly.  I am in no way saying vaginas are perfect and beautiful, in fact I think they are also kind of odd looking, however a ladies parts are delicately hidden inside where as a man's are swinging around for all to see.  And unlike lady parts, men's packages come in a very WIDE variety.  Skinny, short, or long, shaved, hidden, or hairy, one never knows what to expect when seeing a penis for the first time.  

Now hopefully these thoughts don't last long and are soon replaced with sounds of pleasure, but there will always be those initial few minutes where a woman observes, questions, and diagnoses her first encounter with a new man.

Is that it?

Oh boy, I mean what else can you say after this underwhelming discovery? Not much. I'm sorry but once the initial feelings of shock, disappointment, and time wasted settles, all we can think to ourselves is, "Is that it"? There's always hope for the show and grow, but don't get your hopes us ladies. #sorrynotsorry

I wonder how many places this thing has been!

Have you ever just looked at a man's face and thought, "Man, I bet his penis has seen A LOT of vaginas."  It could be from his too-good looks or his larger than life confidence, but you can usually guess before even seeing his package that it's been delivered to many many women. No need to let that stop you though, just be smart and wrap it up!

No way is that is going to fit it me!

While this may be one of the rarer occasions, it does indeed happen.  You know, when his pants are dropped and instead of seeing a "water snake" you see an "anaconda." Initial thoughts of fear fill your mind because there is no way that thing is going to fit inside of you and even if it does there isn't enough lube in the world to make it feel good.  Spoiler alert, it will fit and chances are once accustomed it will probably feel good, perhaps even great if he knows what to do with it. 

IT'S NOT CIRCUMSIZED?!?

What in the good Lord's name is that!? I mean for those who have never had an encounter with a penis-turtleneck than you really have no idea what it's like until your first meet and greet. Sure, we know of it, learn about it, and some even have time to prepare for it, but until you have come face to face with the one-eyed hidden monster, nothing can truly prepare you. I, for one have seen one and have no problem with a man's (or his mommy's) decision to keep his penis in the "as-born-with" state, but I'm just putting it out on blast, when a woman is surprised with an uncircumsized penis for the first time, she is going to be like "what in the world is that and how do I make it go away. Or appear. Help!"

Is it broken?

While hooking up with a man, a woman typically doesn't have to do TOO much in order to see things rise to the occasion.  I mean for some dudes all it takes is the right gust of wind for his pant-tent to be pitched.  However, there are those times when no matter how hard you try and every sexy trick you treat, the wet noodle stays a wet noodle.  You may have wanted hard ice cream, but it looks like all he has in stock is soft serve.  Sowwee!

Either this guy's razor is broke or he's never heard of manscaping...

Good Lord, Holy Sasquash, is there even a penis down here?  Did this guy just escape from a cave?  Has he been growing this since puberty?  Doesn't he know this is the most unattractive find when seeing down a man's pants for the first time?  I don't know where all that hair is going to go if we actually do go through with this but I can't imagine it being sexy?  There aren't many ABSOLUTE NO'S for me, but when it looks like you have a full grown head of hair hanging over your package, I am pretty much running for the hills.

Wow, I don't necessarily find penises good looking but this guy could be a penis model.

If we thought finding the extra large penis was rare, finding the male model penis is even more infrequent. Sometimes, just sometimes when hooking up with a dude for the first time you find the pleasant surprise of a perfectly sized, perfectly colored, perfectly perfect penis.  I mean the kind of penis that inspires sex-toy molds.  When this happens, consider yourself blessed and after you're done shagging go out and play the lottery because you have just as good of a chance as winning the jackpot. 

Jus L'amore
Jus L'amore

Sometimes offensive yet mostly sweet.  Always honest and often vulgar.  I'm a wife, MILF, and everyone's homey.  From trends and sex to mom life and fitness, I tell it how it is and not how it should be.

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