Everyone loves viral photographs, which is why they go viral in the first place.
And there's an ark full of creatures out there spending resources studying the science of online virality, their mole eyes blood-rimmed and wide from overcaffeination.
Buster, how can we make this post/video/ad/photo get seen and shared millions of times in a matter of days?
I don't know, boss; just let me go home and sleep...
No! Sleep is for the weak!
It is the problem buzzing in everyone's minds...
Except! Except for the people in these photos! Take a look and see. None of these misfortunate individuals intended for their pics to get circulated around the globe like some outbreak from Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
But as The Rock might say, "It doesn't matter!"
Because these here pics CANNOT be ignored...
DISCLAIMER: These photos were selected from common online sources. No copyright information was available.
Naked Husband on the Toilet
Why did she take this...and why is he even in the bathroom while some dude's on the crapper? I don't care if it IS her husband. It's gross! And why is he allowing this? Something doesn't add up...
The Giant Double-Handed Dildo
This photographer didn't notice there was an enormous rubber schlong with two hands hanging like mistletoe over the gorgeous young ladies posing?
Really? It is kind of hard to miss. Maybe I could see missing it if the enormous dildo had but one hand. But this particular enormous dildo has two!
And one of the hands is quite freaky, like from The Thing by John Carpenter. Look at those fingernails... They are pointing in the wrong direction!! If the fingers are curled in, the nails should be near the palm. This deal looks like a hand with toes growing out of it.
New Tattoo and a Bag of Nuts
9 times out of 10 when I take a photo of my crotch, I try to do it with my underwear on.
But this fellow? He wasn't aiming for the crotch; it just worked its way in there. And he just so happened to be freestyling it at the time, the boys getting their daily bit of sunshine.
Nothing to See Here
Sadly I've never been with a woman who was willing to send me lewd photos of herself. Never!
It's been a dream of mine, but I think the time has passed. I don't feel too bad, though, especially when I see pics like this one. Yes, this lady has some enviable assets, but please do note that she send her man a photo of her butt with some other bloke's boots in the background!!
Hurray, We're Getting Married! No, It's Not a Shotgun Wedding...
Not a shotgun wedding...
Or is it? Well, now, Doctor Watson, let's examine the evidence. We have a friendly couple announcing their unexpected decision to get engaged. No big deal; people like to keep things to themselves until the right moment, that special moment when they know for sure that...wait, is that a pregnancy kit box siting there? Opened?
Ahh, elementary, my dear Watson. And it was all too easy...
I Photobombed Myself in Ultra Tighties
Hey, at least this gent is wearing underwear!
Only problem is, nobody really wanted to see his. He does have a very tidy apartment, though. But as for that thong he's got on, I'm guessing he is suffocating 99% of his own sperm.
No Secrets Here
Yes, we have British royalty posing in front of a posting of a classified Username and Password tacked carelessly up on the wall behind his perfectly-smiling noggin.
Who needs Wikileaks when they do it to themselves?