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5 Things to Know About Stealthing

A new trend is changing the way sex is viewed, here's what you need to know about it.

Courtsey Unsplash

"I'm kind of a good girl—and I'm not. I'm a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect." That is how Katy Perry describes herself and her views on sex. The important here should be respected, if a couple agrees to have sex, all of the terms should be met. There is a new trend that is upending that trend called stealthing.

Not so Safe Sex

When two people agree to have safe sex, the expectation is that the man (or the top in the case of two men) will wear a condom during intercourse. When a guy goes stealth, he puts the condom on but before insertion will take it off. Sometimes the woman or bottom won't even realize that they have just had unprotected sex. If they do find out, it's not until after orgasm.

Laid Bare

One of the reasons that stealthing seems to be so popular is because the men doing it, seem to believe that everyone is cool with being barebacked. Here's a direct quote from a man who goes stealth quite a bit, despite his argument that most people are cool with not wearing a condom: "People are pretty chilled with doing it bareback.” If this were the case, then stealthing would not be a trend, and men would not be removing condoms to have unsafe sex.

Power Play

There are power dynamics in play in whatever sexual scenario that one finds themselves. Case in point, both parties have to consent to have intercourse, but many straight men believe that it takes more to convince a woman than just asking her. The same thing happens with tops and bottoms in the LGBTQA community. One of the ways that the penetrator will take back a feeling of power is to decide that the way they will do it is by having bareback sex with their partner, without consent.

Sexual Diseases Are Not a Concern

That is not to say that these men don't know that they are running a risk, they do. It's just that they simply don't care, they want raw sex and will do whatever they can to get it. One man who asked to remain anonymous said: "As for STIs, I don't want to get them, but I would run the risk.” He would run the risk of being sick or passing a disease for a few minutes of fun.

Trust Break

There's nothing sexy or flirty about this result of stealthing. It breaks the trust of your partner and leaves them traumatized from the event. One of the women who has been a victim of this trend says that she had been dating a guy. One day things were getting hot and heavy with them, and he asked for bareback sex. She declined, stating that she wasn't comfortable with it because she wasn't on birth control and offered to leave. Her partner agreed to safe sex but removed the condom at some point during their fuck session. Here is what she had to say, "Obviously the part that really freaked me out...was that it was such a blatant violation of what we'd agreed to. I set a boundary. I was very explicit." It goes without saying that after this incident, they stopped dating. The trust that was built between was destroyed, and both have moved on to other relationship. There is no telling if the boyfriend in this equation continued to go stealth or if he found a willing partner that let him hit that raw.

When a boundary is set between a couple, there should be respect and should not be crossed. Men who are stealthing are not only crossing the line, they are creating a situation that many feel is a crime. Congress has yet to make that distinction, but some men have been prosecuted and convicted based on the belief that stealthing is rape.

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