This may surprise you, but I have never had sex on the first date. Why then, do I feel qualified to write this piece? Well, in many cases I really wish that I had. I’ve never really had a "one night stand," I’ve had "one time sexual partners," but usually because they were mates of mine or we realised after the act that we weren’t going anywhere.
Despite the fact I did porn for a good number of years, I pride myself on the fact that (aside from two ex-boyfriends that are ex-communicated for good reasons) I still speak to, or am on good terms should we ever meet again, with everyone I have ever slept with.
However, there are some that maybe should never have gone that far, some that went far, and then when we finally did the deed, regressed... So, here are reasons you totally SHOULD have sex on the first date.
Because you want to.
Let’s start with the most obvious, or maybe it isn’t the most obvious?
Women have been told time and time again that a respectable female should NEVER give it away on the first date. Why? Why is it OK for a man to satisfy his sexual needs whenever he wants without judgment but should a woman think "I want to fuck you even though we just met," they are automatically a slut?
The sexual chemistry is there, the animal instinct tells you this person would be good to mate with. Go ahead and mate!! If you have that attraction, that chemistry, that energy...why not exhaust it? Yes, the chase is fun, yes the build up is amazing. But what if it’s shit? What if after all that build up it amounts to nothing? If YOU want to have sex, why the hell wouldn’t you? Which brings us to our second point.
Because it might be disappointing…
There is NOTHING better than starting to fall for someone, the butterflies when you see them, the warm feeling when you kiss, the tingle when you see their name on your phone screen… how many love heart emojis can you both REALLY use in a text exchange without looking completely insane? Everything is great, everything is AMAZING and then… you decide it’s time, you’ve been on three or four dates, you’ve made out till your knickers are literally so wet it’s embarrassing to stand up in public. It is time to go the whole way, you’ve bought some nice underwear (not mismatching and faded), you’ve shaved your goddamn legs, you’ve used that super expensive moisturiser. It’s on.
...And you’re there, you’ve had a glass of wine or three, you’re so excited, you think he could be the one. I mean you’re not mental or anything, but you’ve planned your wedding and your kids names… you trip and tumble your way into the bedroom, undressing each other clumsily and frantically, you reach down to get it out and it's… really small... I mean, OK, size isn’t everything, pull yourself together, maybe he hits the spot just right, maybe he is INCREDIBLE at oral… he’s not.
He’s licking above your clit, does he realise that's your pubic bone? Does he care? Why is it so slimey? And then the sex... there’s not rhythm and try as you may to make it work, you can’t help feeling your heart slowly break as you close your eyes and wish he’d just hurry up and cum so you can make your excuses and leave.
Now. Wouldn’t this night be made just a teeny weeny bit better if it was your first date? If you hadn’t exchanged so many love heart emojis? If you hadn’t spent four dinners with beautiful views staring into his eyes planning your wedding day? Yes, it would. Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on. No regrets, really. He was a nice guy, but not for you.
Sex is SO important in a relationship. It is SO disappointing when it sucks with someone you like. I’ve had this happen with someone I held out with for ages. I was super into him. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. When we finally had sex, the build up had been so long, so torturous, so much sexual pent up energy, we booked a hotel room, we ripped each other's clothes off and… it sucked. I was devastated. I tried to make it work with him, but I found it so hard (no pun intended), and eventually I lost interest and had to let him go.
Because there are no games…
“Make him wait, he’ll respect you more…” LIE. Honestly? In this day and age any man that thinks like that, is not worth your time. Have sex when you want to, not when you think he will respect you more. I would have fucked my boyfriend's brains out the first night we met had we not both been temporarily back at our respective parents houses due to recent break ups…
“He might just want one thing” TRUE. He might, and to be honest so might you! I have sometimes just wanted to have sex with someone and nothing more! That’s fine. That is perfectly OK. As long as there are no games, it is perfectly reasonable to not want to marry everyone you hook up with. Thinking everyone you hook up with is the one? THAT is an abnormal way of thinking.
By having sex on the first date, you disparage any games that might have potentially been in play. Game—out the window. You got it, he got it. If that is all that you or he wanted then it’s done and dusted before you have the time to forge attachments and emotional bonds. Yeah, it sucks to be used for sex if you initially wanted more, but if it was only ever going to be sex then wouldn’t you rather it was established early on? Trust me, if he had intentions of spending more time with you, getting to know you, or long-term dating you, this would not put him off.
Word of advice: Don’t say “I’ve never done this before” even if you haven’t, it’s a cheap line, sounds like a lie, and dudes do not care.
Because sex is awesome.
Yep. Sex is great. Who doesn't love to have an orgasm? To have your body worshipped by someone you find mutually attractive. Sex can be so many things: intense, exciting, intimate, loving, passionate, long and lusty, quick and clumsy, danger sex in a semipublic place, hotel room sex, sex on your couch, sex in the shower, snuggly sex with the duvet pulled over your head, sex bent over the kitchen counter while you're both still fully dressed. Sex is AWESOME!
Not to mention, sex is GOOD for you, sex is NATURAL, sex releases endorphins, which are known to stimulate the immune system cells that fight diseases. Sex makes you feel HAPPY. It is a natural pain reliever, a great little workout, an amazing way to relieve stress, and let's not forget that it feels good. Like really, really good.
So get out there and get laid. As long as you stay safe and have self-respect and respect for your partner, no matter what you both want in the long/short term, have AS MUCH or as little sex on the first date as you damn well want.