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HBO recently made the announcement that they would get "mediators" and coaches for actors who will be performing sex scenes in their movies and shows. It seems like such a frivolous idea, doesn't it? I mean, how hard could it be to shoot a decent scene involving fake sex, right?
As it turns out, it's pretty hard.
Sure, some stars legitimately did it on-screen, but actually getting a scene to look realistic (in a Hollywood way) while remaining passionate is incredibly hard. These scenes are choreographed, have to involve the right angles, and also need serious acting to be believable.
If you think about it, HBO might be right to decide to invest a little extra cash in their shoots. Sex scenes that aren't shot well end up being movie-ruiners, and at times, can make a film notorious for its bad acting.
When you take a look at the most awful sex scenes in movies, you'll understand why HBO's latest move might be the best they ever came up with.
"Is... is he fucking her belly button?"—The Disaster Artist
Without a doubt, one of the worst sex scenes in movie history belongs to the legendary flop known as The Room. In it, actor/director/producer Tommy Wiseau can be seen hitting it with a very bored looking actress 20 years his junior.
The best way to describe this is a long, drawn-out piece of eye-gouge worthy material. It's so bad, it was lampooned in The Disaster Artist at length.
Johnny, played by Tommy Wiseau, is not a sexy man. Yet, he's butt naked and literally shows his ass to the audience. The writing makes it worse, seemingly crammed into a movie that didn't need it. The roses, cheesy 80s porn music, and regularly reused footage makes it one of the most famous movie sex scenes for all the wrong reasons.
If the already-cliche, squirm-worthy footage wasn't bad enough, Wiseau made a really bad miscalculation when it came to human anatomy. Tommy is clearly boning the woman's navel throughout the scene.
Howard the Duck
There are very few movies out there that have a more awkward sex pairing than Tommy Wiseau and his female lead in The Room. However, Howard the Duck is a duck. More precisely, he's a duck from outer space that somehow ends up being a female rocker's manager.
The original Howard was a comic book character. The movie, by the same title, was a live-action film which had Lea Thompson playing Howard's girlfriend. Key word: live-action.
So, if you've ever wanted to see a Hollywood actress dry hump a guy in a slightly modified Donald Duck suit, watching Howard the Duck is your golden opportunity. No wonder it's considered to be one of the worst sci-fi sex scenes out there.
Twilight: Breaking Dawn
Ah, yes. Twilight.
How this became a blockbuster series remains beyond our understanding, especially when you consider that it was supposed to be erotic. The two lead characters, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, are about as emotional as a pair of kitchen appliances throughout the entirety of the series.
The sex scene is no exception. You can see ZERO chemistry between the two. Nothing gets shown, and Kristin Stewart really needs to learn how to fake it better. All the cringier is knowing that these two dated, and that K. Stew later admitted she was gay.
Guess she's not that good an actress after all.
This 2009 horror movie had not one, but several, of the worst sex scenes in movies of its kind. Part of the reason for that cringe-inducing nomination happens when the woman in the film goes a little bit crazy after losing her child.
Being the insane lady she is, she gets on top of her husband, attacks his genitalia, and then gets him to have a very bloody climax. Oh, she also has a solo session right before she decides to destroy her own lady bits with a pair of scissors.
Please pass the barf bag.
Don't ask me why, but superhero movies somehow manage to make some of the sexiest people you'll ever see look totally, abysmally unsexy. It's almost like they have a knack for it.
Nothing quite says bad sex acting like doing it on a spaceship to a Christian song. It's also fairly certain to say that the exaggerated movements and the terrible fake "O faces" don't exactly highlight the scene as a couple of the greatest orgasms in movie history.
Somehow, I'm willing to bet that most porn stars would facepalm at this. It's just so poorly performed it should have just been cut out entirely.
Gigli was one of those movies that was so bad, it potentially could have killed an A-list career. Everything from the writing to the plot was pretty terrible, and honestly, we can't understand how a woman as talented as J.Lo would get roped into this.
The writing was what killed this sex scene, but honestly, watching Jennifer Lopez do yoga while calling male anatomy "a sea slug" is really just bizarre no matter what the circumstances could have been. Of course, this was one of the worst sex scenes in movies of the 00s because of the pickup line J.Lo's character said.
After all, calling oral sex "turkey time" and telling a guy to go "gobble gobble," anyone would go soft.
You know, it's hard not to assume that people used hard drugs during the creation of Jack Frost. There's only so many things that you can say about a film that involves a woman having sex with a snowman.
The physics of what would have to happen alone would be enough to leave people scratching their heads. Cause, you know, apparently snowmen have genitalia now. Or something.
With most of the sex scenes on this list, there's some kind of saving grace thanks to the fact that at least one person in the scene is a human being. This means that you will see at least one hot naked (or almost naked) person pretending to do it.
Sausage Party's orgy scene doesn't even give you that. This movie gives you food animated in Disney stylings, doing it as if it was going to be the biggest sex party in Roman history. Yeah... there's nothing hot about that unless you have serious problems. When studying up on writing better sex scenes, just do the opposite of everything this movie does.
Splice's sex scene had a human in it, but was equally uncomfortable for a very wide range of reasons. In this flick, a couple of scientists are taking care of a bizarre, lab-created creature that morphs into a slightly creepy/sexy alien creature named Dren.
Dren hits puberty and starts getting some urges to mate. Somehow, Dren is able to seduce the male scientist who raised her as a daughter. So, viewers get to watch some really unsettling, slightly incestuous porn between an uncanny valley GMO and a man.
Oh, to make things worse, Dren is bisexual. She ends up raping her adoptive mother at the end of the movie—much to viewers' dismay. These two scenes are considered to be two of the worst sex scenes in movies of the sci-fi genre, and it's easy to see why. They're gross.
Finally, let's talk about all the things wrong with the sex scene in Ted. Ted is a stuffed teddy bear that has the mouth of a sailor. He is a fluffy, stuffed bear, though. Kids love teddy bears.
You know what most people agree isn't sexual? Teddy bears. Ted doesn't really even have genitalia. And yet, Ted has this bear hitting it with a human female. Most sex scenes in movies aren't based off that much of a childhood-ruining concept, so you know it's going to be foul.
Some might argue that it was done for comedic value. Sure, the scene is supposed to be funny, but it's really anything but. It's just really uncomfortable, and that's what makes it one of the worst sex in movies to date.