As any old married couple will tell you, being able to keep the spark alive is one of the single most challenging things about making a relationship work. There will be points in your relationship where you may find it hard to be attracted to your partner, and it’s only through hard work and deep investment that you will be able to make it through.
Many people assume that keeping the spark alive means that you remain wild and sexy, but that’s only partially true. Investing in durable and versatile pleasure toys can help keep that spark alive—and also help you learn about yourselves.
But maintaining that sizzle is not all sexual.
A lot of keeping a relationship successful deals with maintaining an eye on goals. Check out these awesome goals to help you continue keeping that relationship spark alive, and how you and your partner can fall in love with one another all over again.
Leave a little mystery.
Your partner does not need to see you belching, looking gross, or emitting foul smells. They don’t need to know every messed up, TMI-sounding detail of your life. Do what you can to keep a little mystery in your life, or at the very least, don’t get all gross around them all the time. A little mystery kept in place can have a huge impact on how attractive you remain over the years.
Invest in some sex toys solely for her pleasure.
You would be shocked at how much toys can help when it comes to being able to keep the spark alive. Sex toys, even if used solo, can teach you volumes about your own sexuality. The more she knows about her body, the better she can communicate to you what she wants. Moreover, getting toys that focus on her pleasure will get her in the mood for more while ensuring you don’t get stuck in a rut.
A good place to start as far as toys for her would be the LELO ORA 2— a toy that’s specifically designed to maximize her pleasure during oral sex. When used solo, it can help her learn what are her favorite spots to tease and please. When it comes to bedroom experiences, the ORA 2 is a win-win, no matter how you look at it.
Much of being able to keep your partner happy is learning about what keeps you happy, especially when it comes to your emotions and your sexuality. That’s why so many sex therapists suggest trying different masturbation methods or even using sex toys to try to learn about what you enjoy in the bedroom.
It’s also the reason why relationship experts tell people to look into reasons why they may feel the way they do—and then figure out if that’s appropriate. The more you understand yourself, the better-equipped you are to handle relationships. That level of self-awareness also makes it easier to keep the spark alive or determine if this relationship is long-term material.
Continue to nurture other parts of your life.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were your partner’s everything? If you have, you already know how disappointing and suffocating it is to have a partner who makes you the center of their universe. No one wants to have a partner who’s stagnant, so if you want to keep your partner interested, have a life outside of them.
Don’t be afraid to get kinky with your partner.
You’d be stunned at how many couples claim that the way they keep the spark alive is by incorporating kink into their lives. The biggest thing to do is talk about what kinks you want to have.
A good way to broach the subject is to tell her about fantasies you have, or even gift your partner an exotic toy you may want to try out. That being said, if you’re going for the gifting thing, it’s a good idea to get a toy that looks elegant and non-threatening for newbies—such as the ones from LELO.
For example, a man who’s interested in prostate stimulation may want to tell his partner about the interest, and then buy a LELO HUGO as a gift to their bedroom lives. Or if he knows his partner is new to pleasure toys and kink, he may want to ease his partner into their use by gifting her a Tiani 3 to show her how much fun they can be.
Make an effort to still date your partner, even when you’ve been with each other for a while.
One of the biggest reasons that couples lose the spark is because they stop putting effort into romancing their partner. The moment that you and your partner stop caring about romancing one another is the moment that your spark will start to fade.
This is exactly why date night, buying flowers “just because,” and doing nice things are mandatory to keep the spark alive. You need to show your appreciation to your partner, otherwise, resentment will build. Without reminders of why you fell in love, it’s really easy to just let that desire fade away.
Keep yourself in shape.
Did you know that people who gained over 40 pounds during the course of their relationship are 30 percent more likely to get divorced? It’s true—and there’s a reason for that. If you want to keep the spark alive, you need to continue to be attractive.
If you let yourself go, you slowly erode much of what makes you attractive. People are physical beings, and physical attraction is crucial to the wellbeing of any relationship. If you do not do much to maintain a healthy body, any ability you have to keep the spark alive will slowly fade.
Learn to communicate effectively, and learn what arguments you should drop.
Having that connection isn’t just about looks or sex; it’s also about having an attractive personality. This is easy when you’re first dating and just beginning to spend quality time with your partner. It’s not going to be easy when you’ve told them to stop dropping their socks on the bathroom floor for the 50th time.
The basis of any happy, successful relationship is going to be communication—and understanding that sometimes, arguing isn’t worth it. Thankfully, there are plenty of communication workshops that can teach you how to effectively talk to your partner when things get difficult.
Cultivate a life outside of your partner.
A partner should never be the be-all and end-all of your life. Being the center of a person’s universe is the easiest and fastest way to snuff out the spark in record time. Being joined at the hip isn’t even a healthy practice; it’s a sign of codependency.
Every week, set aside some “me time” for yourself—and tell your partner to do the same. That time apart will make you both feel a lot more relaxed, and will make your relationship dynamics all the healthier.
Do something out of the ordinary once in a while.
It’s so easy to fall into a routine that eats away at your soul. Whether it’s the work-dinner-sleep cycle, or just doing the same things every single holiday season, ruts tend to cause boredom and resentment. When you’re stuck in a rut, it’s hard to actually come up with new topics to talk about. Worst of all, being in a rut tends to make you a boring person.
That’s why it’s so important to plan out adventures that are unusual or unique once in awhile. It’ll give you things to talk about, offer you fun memories, and also help you keep the spark alive by keeping you exciting.
Lastly, never lose your spontaneity.
Spontaneous is exciting—and it’s that thrill that will make you remain attractive to your partner.
If you want to keep the spark alive, it will take work and a lot of time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were the best relationships out there. This kind of endeavor isn’t a one-off; it’s a long term investment that will pay off, big time, in the long run.
Obviously, many of these #RelationshipGoals are things that need to be practiced over the long term, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start some of them fairly quickly. For example, investing in a sex toy can be done within a matter of minutes, and with LELO’s Black Friday sale, it’s also more affordable than ever before. So, why not start now?